Adopted DC11 wants to find out their ancestry (home DNA test)

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

Our DC11, adopted, has been curious about their ancestry and has asked to do a DNA test (like ancestry 23andme) to find out more. They are in an open adoption, so this is *not* about finding DNA relatives. We have some strong inklings on heritage (from actual information from birthparents), but they would like to see the fuller picture. It has come up repeatedly, but I wouldn't say it's a burning issue. There may be a subtle hope that they have some of the same heritage as us adoptive parents.

Thoughts? Before pulling the trigger on this, I am trying to figure out what considerations I have not thought of. Also, I am trying to figure out if I should wait for this to move past curiosity to more of a burning desire for the info? And if we do this, should we do something like 23andme and get health info, or is that a bridge too far at this point?

Any advice or even BTDT welcome. Everything I search online is all about finding DNA relatives for adoptees.

TIA!

[Anonymous]

I think 11 is quite young. What if you discover an unexpected paternity?

[Anonymous]

I would say wait. 11 is just so young.

[Anonymous]

We talked to our child about it but decided against it knowing what we know and sometimes things are best left alone. We aren't 100% sure about the birthfather but he and his family are a nightmare and don't want to open up a can of worms. I'd wait till they are older.

[Anonymous]

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2024/03/dna-tests-incest/677791/

I think it could lead to information that will not make your DC any happier.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all - there is a feature to turn off DNA relatives and to not be findable on these databases. Bio parents are known and not questioned. But yea, 11 is young.

[Anonymous]

Nothing but trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all - there is a feature to turn off DNA relatives and to not be findable on these databases. Bio parents are known and not questioned. But yea, 11 is young.

I would do it and turn off the DNA relative connection right off the bat and leave it off permanently. He isn't looking for cousins or family data as much as ancestral roots. Since there is no connecting, I don't see the harm in going for ancestry at 11 or any age. When he is an adult he can decide if he wants to know more about his health.
If you think he'll be significantly disappointed not having something, or having something in his ancestry, just wait for him to be more open to the unknown.

[Anonymous]

If you know already about the parents, then I don't see what would be so earth shattering. It could help give your child a better sense of his identity.

[Anonymous]

I thought there were concerns about data safety with these companies? I wouldn’t do it for that reason.

[Anonymous]

I have found great joy in finding my half-sibling through a commercial DNA service so I have bias toward it, I'll admit. But here are a few things to consider:

- your child's curiosity is real and valid. Ethnic origins are important to many people. If a service can provide more info than the bio parents can, I think it would help a lot to fill in your child's missing pieces and questions
- Kinship ties are important. Love is important. Your child has love from you, and discovering other kinship ties is not a threat to that. Let your child know his/her kin.
- origin stories go beyond parents. I have learned a lot and grown a lot from better understanding the immigration stories of my extended family and relations. Are you open to your child better understanding his/her identity through building out their genetic family tree? It could help a lot.
-

[Anonymous]

I'm an adult adoptee and I also have an adopted child. I've done 23andMe and while I don't regret it, per se, I wouldn't do it again, nor would I let my minor child do it until they were 18 and could better understand all the implications of privacy concerns and what not.

Honestly, the ethnicity portion of it wasn't particularly useful. It basically shows that I'm a mix of various ethnicities that were once commingled due to conquering and migration a long time ago. If your child's birth family is known, you could always look into what the typical ethnicities are/were from that area.

[Anonymous]

Both ancestry.com and 23andme require that you be 18+ to use their test kits. That's the easiest answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought there were concerns about data safety with these companies? I wouldn’t do it for that reason.

i have th e same question

[Anonymous]

I think I would not give a "no" but would give a "you're young to make that decision about giving your DNA to a commercial service and there are still some unknowns with data privacy so let's revisit this again when you're in HS to see what we feel like."