Judged by another mom due to single status

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place. Let me start off my saying that I’m a SMBC. My child (6) wanted to have a play date with a friend from her kindergarten class last year. I exchanged numbers with her mom at the end of the school year to try to work something out. Her child has been busy most of the summer with vacations and camps so we lost contact for awhile. She reached out about a week ago to set up a play date. I offered to have it at my house and sent the address. She responded back a few days later and said, she would prefer to have it at her house. I didn’t really think anything of it so we scheduled it. The kids had their play date and in the end, they said the next time they can have it at our house. I said I was fine with that, but the other mother said it’s not a good idea. I asked her why not, she didn’t want to discuss it in front of the kids. She sent me a text that evening and said she doesn’t feel comfortable with her child at my house due to my “lifestyle” and where I live. I asked her what lifestyle is that? She said, me being a single mom. She also added that my address had an apartment number (I actually live in a townhouse style condo) and she knows what goes on with single moms in apartment buildings. I asked what, and she said drugs and violence and women having men in and out of her place. She didn’t want her child exposed to that. I’m completely livid! I can’t even believe how harshly thing woman judged me, but doesn’t know anything about me or my life. At this point, I don’t even want my child at their house, but I know they would be crushed. Not sure how I should handle this. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

troll

[Anonymous]

I hope no one feeds this troll. Please do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if this is in the wrong place. Let me start off my saying that I’m a SMBC. My child (6) wanted to have a play date with a friend from her kindergarten class last year. I exchanged numbers with her mom at the end of the school year to try to work something out. Her child has been busy most of the summer with vacations and camps so we lost contact for awhile. She reached out about a week ago to set up a play date. I offered to have it at my house and sent the address. She responded back a few days later and said, she would prefer to have it at her house. I didn’t really think anything of it so we scheduled it. The kids had their play date and in the end, they said the next time they can have it at our house. I said I was fine with that, but the other mother said it’s not a good idea. I asked her why not, she didn’t want to discuss it in front of the kids. She sent me a text that evening and said she doesn’t feel comfortable with her child at my house due to my “lifestyle” and where I live. I asked her what lifestyle is that? She said, me being a single mom. She also added that my address had an apartment number (I actually live in a townhouse style condo) and she knows what goes on with single moms in apartment buildings. I asked what, and she said drugs and violence and women having men in and out of her place. She didn’t want her child exposed to that. I’m completely livid! I can’t even believe how harshly thing woman judged me, but doesn’t know anything about me or my life. At this point, I don’t even want my child at their house, but I know they would be crushed. Not sure how I should handle this. Any advice?

I am livid for you and you should tell her to go straight to Hell! What a horrible woman. She is already teaching her warped views and beliefs to her child and you should probably cut friendship with the child because one day she will say these things to your child.

[Anonymous]

Smbc? Single mom before college?

[Anonymous]

Single mom by choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smbc? Single mom before college?

Single Mom by Choice.

[Anonymous]

As another single mom by choice, I believe it. OP obviously give this woman a piece of your mind and keep it moving. I’m a subspecialty physician and I have gotten this at my kid’s private. You know this comes from a place of insecurity in other people, so just shut it down and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As another single mom by choice, I believe it. OP obviously give this woman a piece of your mind and keep it moving. I’m a subspecialty physician and I have gotten this at my kid’s private. You know this comes from a place of insecurity in other people, so just shut it down and move on.

And start a whisper campaign against her. She sounds like a B, assuming this isn’t a troll

[Anonymous]

I’d publish the text everywhere I could, I’d also send it to the school if this is real and was put in writing. People should call out bigots.

-single mom with kids in a fancy private.

[Anonymous]

I’d simply reply ‘Since our morals don’t align, I won’t support a friendship between our children. Hope you have a great school year.’

Then any time her name comes up in a social situation I’d roll my eyes and say ‘please don’t get me started.’ And tell the world about her.

But I also think this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if this is in the wrong place. Let me start off my saying that I’m a SMBC. My child (6) wanted to have a play date with a friend from her kindergarten class last year. I exchanged numbers with her mom at the end of the school year to try to work something out. Her child has been busy most of the summer with vacations and camps so we lost contact for awhile. She reached out about a week ago to set up a play date. I offered to have it at my house and sent the address. She responded back a few days later and said, she would prefer to have it at her house. I didn’t really think anything of it so we scheduled it. The kids had their play date and in the end, they said the next time they can have it at our house. I said I was fine with that, but the other mother said it’s not a good idea. I asked her why not, she didn’t want to discuss it in front of the kids. She sent me a text that evening and said she doesn’t feel comfortable with her child at my house due to my “lifestyle” and where I live. I asked her what lifestyle is that? She said, me being a single mom. She also added that my address had an apartment number (I actually live in a townhouse style condo) and she knows what goes on with single moms in apartment buildings. I asked what, and she said drugs and violence and women having men in and out of her place. She didn’t want her child exposed to that. I’m completely livid! I can’t even believe how harshly thing woman judged me, but doesn’t know anything about me or my life. At this point, I don’t even want my child at their house, but I know they would be crushed. Not sure how I should handle this. Any advice?

I'm trying to learn to accept all evil as just demon energy and try to find the good in people or at least show my good behavior. It's so hard and I'm so sorry. Obviously single mom by choice would mean that there are few men so the comment is just stupid and she's an ignorant person. So you don't need to feel like you have to defend something that is so obviously untrue. Honestly playdates are a lot of work, so I'd throw it back to her and say that not only do you not have any men in your house but that you chose a lifestyle of no men in your house and you live in a townhouse, not an apartment. But that said if she wants to host regularly or have playdates outside you are open to it and thank her for her generosity in hosting.

[Anonymous]

If someone said anything like that to me I would never speak to them again and I would not send my kid to their house. Six is too young to explain this to so I'd wait and see if your DD asks to see this friend again and then try to come up with some excuse why you can't do playdates. I wouldn't exclude the child from anything due to her mom (like if your kid has a birthday party I would invite her) but I wouldn't agree to anymore playdates at her house.

It's a hard situation but they can still be friends at school. You want to be careful not to trigger a falling out between the girls because this mom is very likely to bad mouth you to her kid or other moms if that happens. So I'd look to say as little as possible but simply avoid them moving forward.

I am sorry this happened but also: if it wasn't your single status it could be anything. We live in an apartment and definitely feel judgment and prejudice from other families for that. I've been judged for the kinds of vacations we take and being a mom of an only and having a kid past age 35 and sending my kid to public. I've been judged for giving my DD a traditionally feminine name and "letting" her do ballet (some people think you are supposed to give girls more masculine names and push them in to sports so they can be "competitive" with boys).

It's all BS. The people who judge on these things are universally insecure about their own parenting and just trying to convince themselves that they are doing it right. Ignore them. If it wasn't this it would be something else because it's not really about you. It's about their own fears and insecurities.

[Anonymous]

?!?!?!?!

If this is true, I’m sorry, OP. No one in my circle thinks that of single mothers.

I would tell everyone in the neighborhood she said that. She deserves to have that particular opinion included in what people think of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone said anything like that to me I would never speak to them again and I would not send my kid to their house. Six is too young to explain this to so I'd wait and see if your DD asks to see this friend again and then try to come up with some excuse why you can't do playdates. I wouldn't exclude the child from anything due to her mom (like if your kid has a birthday party I would invite her) but I wouldn't agree to anymore playdates at her house.

It's a hard situation but they can still be friends at school. You want to be careful not to trigger a falling out between the girls because this mom is very likely to bad mouth you to her kid or other moms if that happens. So I'd look to say as little as possible but simply avoid them moving forward.

I am sorry this happened but also: if it wasn't your single status it could be anything. We live in an apartment and definitely feel judgment and prejudice from other families for that. I've been judged for the kinds of vacations we take and being a mom of an only and having a kid past age 35 and sending my kid to public. I've been judged for giving my DD a traditionally feminine name and "letting" her do ballet (some people think you are supposed to give girls more masculine names and push them in to sports so they can be "competitive" with boys).

It's all BS. The people who judge on these things are universally insecure about their own parenting and just trying to convince themselves that they are doing it right. Ignore them. If it wasn't this it would be something else because it's not really about you. It's about their own fears and insecurities.

So true