Am I just being sensitive or was he inconsiderate?

[Anonymous]

Would you be annoyed?

DH and I are both off for two weeks starting Friday after work. We are home for the week until we leave for vacation next weekend. We have no plans next week, but our tweens will also be home for the week(s).

Two days ago DH told me he made plans for this Sunday for a golf outing with some friends he doesn’t get to see often. Fine.

Today I mentioned something about Monday and he told me he’s joining in on a golf outing with coworkers, sort of a networking thing. Also fine, but I’m also sort of annoyed he just *made* these plans without so much as pretending to consider me or our kids while doing so. Was he a little inconsiderate or am I being sensitive?

[Anonymous]

What are you expecting him to do on his week off? Nothing? I get being annoyed he doesn’t check with your schedule first but you should schedule your own outings too.

[Anonymous]

I think he's being a little inconsiderate, not for doing these activities but for not communicating about his plans with you. Next week is essentially a staycation before your vacation the following week. Typically that might be a time to do some stuff around the house or do local fun stuff with your kids. That said, you do have two weeks together, and these two days are just not a lot in the scheme of things. I would just have a conversation about how to spend the rest of the time to be sure you're on the same page.

[Anonymous]

You’re sensitive

[Anonymous]

I mean did you expect him to stare at you and breathe all week?

[Anonymous]

You're being too sensitive. If you want him to run social plans by you, then tell him "hey going forward can we run social plans by each other before agreeing to them just to make sure we haven't both planned to be away from the kids at the same time?"

[Anonymous]

He's treating you like a SAHM - meaning, he is assuming you are, by default, in charge of the kids because you are home and not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he's being a little inconsiderate, not for doing these activities but for not communicating about his plans with you. Next week is essentially a staycation before your vacation the following week. Typically that might be a time to do some stuff around the house or do local fun stuff with your kids. That said, you do have two weeks together, and these two days are just not a lot in the scheme of things. I would just have a conversation about how to spend the rest of the time to be sure you're on the same page.

Isn’t tell her a week in advance communicating?

[Anonymous]

You have to explicit that you view this as a family vacation week and that would appreciate him Discussing it with you before committing to Plans.

I do think this an area people see differently. Some see available time as potential family time. Others see available time as available time.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re being a little sensitive. Did you have plans for the week that you didn’t have any plans?

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous he has friends and you don’t.

[Anonymous]

This would bother me too but I'd try and bite my tongue as there really isn't any reason he shouldn't go and be ok with not checking in with me about it. I know in our case, dh would be fine if I planned a couple of time consuming outings but it's OK to speak up if you think he might go for a third. Letting him know you're bothered isn't necessarily saying he can't do this but it will remind him to be sensitive about checking in first in case you had other ideas for vacation plans. It's just as OK to say you want to spend time together as it is for him to want to golf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he's being a little inconsiderate, not for doing these activities but for not communicating about his plans with you. Next week is essentially a staycation before your vacation the following week. Typically that might be a time to do some stuff around the house or do local fun stuff with your kids. That said, you do have two weeks together, and these two days are just not a lot in the scheme of things. I would just have a conversation about how to spend the rest of the time to be sure you're on the same page.

Isn’t tell her a week in advance communicating?

Nothing is stopping OP from doing her own thing another day. And maybe plan a day trip or something as a whole-family outing.

OP, you're overreacting a tiny bit here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be annoyed?

DH and I are both off for two weeks starting Friday after work. We are home for the week until we leave for vacation next weekend. We have no plans next week, but our tweens will also be home for the week(s).

Two days ago DH told me he made plans for this Sunday for a golf outing with some friends he doesn’t get to see often. Fine.

Today I mentioned something about Monday and he told me he’s joining in on a golf outing with coworkers, sort of a networking thing. Also fine, but I’m also sort of annoyed he just *made* these plans without so much as pretending to consider me or our kids while doing so. Was he a little inconsiderate or am I being sensitive?

Sounds like you’re both double booked to be out Monday.

However.

You were forthright and told him upon your making plans. He did not.

You get to go, secretive people do not.

Or both go and leave the tweens at home.

Meanwhile he needs to learn to communicate verbally, in a timely manner, or put $hit in the family calendar/ digital calendar so no one else makes plans and then gets blindsided by his personal plans he “forgets” to disclose.

[Anonymous]

Yes I’d be annoyed