How do we approach this with nanny?

[Anonymous]

We have had our nanny for 3 years and she is amazing. When she arrives in the morning she puts her stuff down in our mudroom which usually includes a tote bag with her lunch and some other things. For the past 2 mornings her stuff has reeked of cigarette smoke. Like stinks up the whole area and is very noticeable for the whole day. Oddly I didn’t smell it on her, more so her stuff, but can’t say for sure.

We have never had this issue before in 3 years. She said she didn’t smoke when we hired her, and I don’t think she does unless she started recently. She is divorced so maybe she has a new boyfriend who smokes or something, but regardless it’s a big issue for us and definitely a deal breaker.

How would you approach this? Do we say we have noticed her things smell like cigarettes and that makes us uncomfortable since she is caring for our kids? Do we give it a few more days to see if it’s consistent and then say something? Don’t want to offend her but also not happy about it.

[Anonymous]

2 days? Let it go. She’s an amazing nanny of 3 years, if it’s INTOLERABLE for you then put her stuff in a box in the mudroom with a lid when she is here. Something like “this way your stuff won’t get bothered by the kids and the dog”

[Anonymous]

She might be getting a ride to work, have a new roommate, parent moved in with her.

If she's good at her job and not smoking in your home, what is the real nature of your concern?

[Anonymous]

I’d try and wander into the mushroom when she’s in there and be like “ do you smell that”? While sniffing the air at the same time. Non confrontational step at first… if that doesn’t work ( it continues) you need to be more direct.

[Anonymous]

I understand not liking the smell, BTDT, but you sound really controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d try and wander into the mushroom when she’s in there and be like “ do you smell that”? While sniffing the air at the same time. Non confrontational step at first… if that doesn’t work ( it continues) you need to be more direct.

+1

Maybe fake wonder if someone is smoking outside your door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand not liking the smell, BTDT, but you sound really controlling.

m

So you would be ok with a nanny who smokes, and your kids inhaling second hand smoke because the playroom is next to where she keeps her stuff that smells like cigarettes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand not liking the smell, BTDT, but you sound really controlling.

m

So you would be ok with a nanny who smokes, and your kids inhaling second hand smoke because the playroom is next to where she keeps her stuff that smells like cigarettes?

It’s just her bag. She probably took it to a club.

[Anonymous]

I would very frankly ask her. If smoking is a dealbreaker although it’s second hand you need to have a frank conversation and start looking for a replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand not liking the smell, BTDT, but you sound really controlling.

m

So you would be ok with a nanny who smokes, and your kids inhaling second hand smoke because the playroom is next to where she keeps her stuff that smells like cigarettes?

that's not second had smoke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would very frankly ask her. If smoking is a dealbreaker although it’s second hand you need to have a frank conversation and start looking for a replacement.

Same. Just be direct. "I've noticed your bag smells like cigarettes. What's up?"

[Anonymous]

You have got to be kidding. She's carefully leaving her stuff in the mudroom, do the kids hang out in there all day?

OTOH maybe do this good nanny a big favor and let her go for this petty non-infraction so she can go do some good for a family that is not so unbelievably controlling and petty over something that is in reality no threat to your kid's health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 days? Let it go. She’s an amazing nanny of 3 years, if it’s INTOLERABLE for you then put her stuff in a box in the mudroom with a lid when she is here. Something like “this way your stuff won’t get bothered by the kids and the dog”

I like the box idea but OP should be direct about the reason. If she isn’t, the nanny might not use the box.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, put it in a lidded box/basket and maybe put an air purifier in the mudroom. If you can't smell it on her, then I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your employment relationship. As others have said, it could be someone else in her home or car who is smoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have got to be kidding. She's carefully leaving her stuff in the mudroom, do the kids hang out in there all day?

OTOH maybe do this good nanny a big favor and let her go for this petty non-infraction so she can go do some good for a family that is not so unbelievably controlling and petty over something that is in reality no threat to your kid's health.

Yep. Send her my way!