How often do you find yourself locked in your safe room?

[Anonymous]

What is normal and what tells you it's time to look at residential placement?

[Anonymous]

The fact that you're asking this question suggests it might be time.

[Anonymous]

Come on. Can't you offer more help than that?

[Anonymous]

What is a safe room? You have to physically lock yourself away from your child? It is definitely 100 percent time. Your responsibility to your child is to make sure that they are safe and that they don't harm anyone else. If you cannot be assured on either of those two points, the most responsible, most loving thing you can do for them is to reach out and get help for them.

[Anonymous]

Once we had the need for a safe room, we started looking at residential options. DC did two stints at RTCs and did an intensive program at home after and things are much much better. The psychiatrists at RTC were much more experienced with more extreme needs as well and med adjustments were helpful.

[Anonymous]

It is easy to suggest that it is 100% time or to imply that a safe room is something that a family should not have. My guess is the person that posted this has not been in this situation. It is almost impossible to find care outside of the home that is safe and therapeutic. We have done two hospitalizations that have both been traumatic experiences with very little therapeutic benefit and almost zero aftercare. The road to even get an admission was next to impossible and then the let down of what the care was, it was heartbreaking, frustrating, and confirming that we are truly on our own.

We have a safe room, we have a safety plan,
We have had to separate as a family, this is our reality.

We are doing the best we can with a near impossible situation.

OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this, sending positive thoughts and a big virtual hug.

[Anonymous]

100% agree with PP, residential placements are very hard to find unless you are paying private.


Has anyone on here had experience finding a residential program, what was the name and how was the experience?

[Anonymous]

@17:25 it is clear you have no experience with this. How do you know the OP does not have help for the child? In some families, some children require a safe room, it is the reality of the child’s disability and/or mental health needs.

[Anonymous]

I don't think normal can be described on a forum post. You need to do a thorough review of the triggers of dangerous behavior, and your ability to remove those triggers.

It's one thing to have the safe room because sometimes a catastrophe strikes in an unusual situation.
It's another thing to be constantly on edge because any little thing or word all day long could trigger violence.

[Anonymous]

I would say it might be time to look into residential programs if the safe room is not enough to keep everyone safe, or if the behaviors/needs are significantly impacting the family's (and the child's) functioning. It's hard to answer in generalities. There is no "normal" when it comes to significant neurodevelopmental/psychiatric disabilities. Hospitalization could also be another option prior to residential. If you're feeling like you are no longer able to meet your child's needs and keep them safe at home (despite preventative measures like you are using), it may be time to look into short or longer term out of home options.

[Anonymous]

This is the reality of some disabilities or mental health needs of some children and their families.

I assume you will next suggest essential oils and diet changes and blame the parenting style.

Judgement even on a SN forum shows the stigma that these families are faced with everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a safe room? You have to physically lock yourself away from your child? It is definitely 100 percent time. Your responsibility to your child is to make sure that they are safe and that they don't harm anyone else. If you cannot be assured on either of those two points, the most responsible, most loving thing you can do for them is to reach out and get help for them.

It’s amazing to me how people have no clue as to the lack of availability of services for a child who has the type of behaviors that require that the family use a safe room.

OP, none of it is normal and it sounds like residential treatment is in order. I sent my child twice. Biggest problem was paying for it. The bulk of the cost was paid by us. And the only programs that would admit were those for juvenile delinquents.

[Anonymous]

PP, when you sent to residential, how did that work? What was the name of the residential? Did it help?

[Anonymous]

Have you tried a shorter term inpatient stay? We had some really hard times, and while some people here haven’t had a great experience with Dominion, we did. My child was young enough to be on the pediatric ward which was good. We also got linked up with a psychiatrist who was absolutely wonderful and helped us immensely with getting on the right medication regimen.

We also did very intensive family therapy for a while - 3x/week, plus emergency access to the therapist as needed on top of that. It was $$$$. But badly needed. And it worked. We still see that same therapist, but twice a month, sometimes less.

We couldn’t do residential for a few reasons, so we had to find something else that could work. We made it, although my child still has significant needs, we no longer need a safe room and there hasn’t been any violence in the house in a long time.