Mom's Day is coming up
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Anonymous
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and in the group text, I suggesting to my adult sibling brothers that we should send Mom something.
The immediate response I got back is, "sure, if I don't have to arrange it/take care of it." How would you react? |
Anonymous
| “Ok, I’ll just do something on my own for her. Hope all is well!” |
Anonymous
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Do you have any ideas?
If yes, “Cool I was thinking flowers. I’ll venmo you for your share.” and makes sure to split the shares so that you cover a bit less of the financial since you’re doing all the work. If no, “I can’t think of anything either. I guess we’re all on our own this year!” |
Anonymous
| I don’t know what’s more annoying, your brother’s response or the fact that you called it Mom’s day. |
Anonymous
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I think they were basically saying if you have a specific group idea, sure, but if not, they’re going to do flowers or a card or whatever. What they didn’t want is a bunch of back-and-forth, shooting down ideas, discussion and fuss.
Sounds reasonable to me. My go-to plan for my mom is perfume. She keeps me updated on what she wants and likes. If my siblings came up with another specific idea, I’d be happy to do that. But I don’t need to waste mental time or energy yip-yapping when my default plan is already great and can be executed quickly. Unless you were prepared with ideas, I can see how they didn’t want to open up yip yap on this A FEW DAYS BEFORE Mother’s Day. |
Anonymous
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Send her your own gift and call it a day. Just don't text back.
My siblings and I all do our own things for Mother's day. |
Anonymous
That's common especially on short notice. It's annoying to do 40 texts to decide on what to do. If you want to do a group thing text and say "Do you want to take mom to x place for brunch? I can get a card we can all sign or each family can do their own card" or "Do you want to get flowers as a group. Here are 2 options I found." Really though, it's the thought that counts. Either take the lead and plan in advance or everyone do their own thing. There is no need to have endless texts for this. If you all get along, that is a gift. If you express love and appreciation to her, that is a gift. If you do something/anything even individually on Mother's Day, that is a gift. No need to make it complicated or stressful. |
Anonymous
No, don't be passive aggressive. This day is about a mother and the family she created. There is no room for resentment and passive aggression. Just do your own thing if you are going to feel hostile. |
Anonymous
| Just send your own gift. Why do you feel it necessary to manage what your adult siblings do? |
Anonymous
I'd react unsurprisingly. Men just aren't wired for softness like women are. I'm sure I'll get flamed for that one. I ordered my mom a little gift last month. But probably won't gift it until the following weekend. I've been at home with two sick kids with bad fevers, horrible wet coughs, breathing problems, and congestion. On top of myself being sick with the same garbage, and on my awful & painful period, all while being alone because husband is away for the week on work travel. This year, the other mothers in my life will get messages of love and then a gift after the fact because I'm dying 😩 |
Anonymous
| Eh. I approach my brothers with my idea of a gift and get back "Cool, tell me how much to send you" and I just buy and send it to my dad. No big deal. |
Anonymous
| You left it too open-ended and ripe for excessive back and forth. Either be decisive, or let everyone do their own thing or nothing. |
Anonymous
This has nothing to do with “men versus women,” in this particular case the OP is talking about. My brother and sister and I frequently do joint gift for parent birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc. What we don’t do, though, is roll up with no ideas and expect everyone to want to participate in back-and-forth. We also each know that if we don’t want to do a joint gift for whatever reason, we each do our own thing, even GASP my brother. This is what is annoying about the OP in this scenario. She did not roll up with an actual plan or idea. A few scant days before Mother’s Day, she threw out a lukewarm non-idea, which would have resulted in easily 20 more texts to decide this, that, the other. I’d rather do my own thing that participate in some group discussion of shooting things down, “what about,” etc. |
Anonymous
I mean, it’s OP who’s the hostile one here as far as I can tell given that she started the thread with her brothers and seems disappointed they’re not giving her ideas. I only reach out to people to ask about group gifts for things if I have a gift in mind that’s too expensive for me alone. And these days (since I have toddlers) I’m doing a lot less gift planning than I used to so I definitely would respond to group gift threads with something along the lines of “happy to pitch in but I can’t organize.” I would happily give extra money to a sibling who organized something nice for our parents so I didn’t have to. This isn’t intended to be passive aggressive or resentful; quite the opposite. OP can’t control her brothers’ willingness to plan so either she should accept that she’s planning and take the money/willingness to go along with whatever they’ve offered or she should accept that none of them (including her) want to organize a group thing and proceed accordingly. Don’t waste energy being mad at her brothers for not wanting to organize something. |
Anonymous
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I’d say “ shall I just send flowers and a card and let you know how much?”
Then they say yes and you do that and send them the amount. |