Is there a way to convince your wife to go to therapy

[Anonymous]

My wife has a fraught relationship with her dad and siblings. Additionally, she has a lot of unresolved feelings about her mom who died a couple years ago. A couple times a year there’s some kind of blow up (usually around holidays, birthdays and big family events) which puts her in a tailspin. Which means she spends about a quarter of the year in a tailspin.

Anyway, we have a graduation coming up for one of our kids and I can already tell she is going to lose it. She absolutely refused to be involved in any part of the celebration planning. Additionally, she’s doing that thing where she refuses to solve any problems - her family can’t come to the party I’m planning so I offered to move it to whenever they could come. She then told me they would never come. And when I challenged her on that she said if they didn’t care enough to come to the party I planned then she didn’t want them there. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

[Anonymous]

You need to accept that she doesn't want them to be invited to a party. ACCEPT IT.

If you want her to go to therapy, why don't you start doing the legwork of finding someone that has availability and takes your insurance. Let us know how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's better if they don't come so focus can be on your child? Or, if not, contact them directly?

Sounds like a rough childhood for your kids. And a difficult home life for you.

If she doesn't want new coping strategies, I'd stop giving the behavior attention, it feeds it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Gosh, can't imagine why your wife is feeling stress. How could anyone be less than 100% happy and calm when married to a person as empathetic as you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Is this how you speak to your wife? You're right, she does need therapy. And a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Gosh, can't imagine why your wife is feeling stress. How could anyone be less than 100% happy and calm when married to a person as empathetic as you!

What do you get out of being a jerk on the internet? How is this fun for you. Who ever hurt you I’m sure they are sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Gosh, can't imagine why your wife is feeling stress. How could anyone be less than 100% happy and calm when married to a person as empathetic as you!

What do you get out of being a jerk on the internet? How is this fun for you. Who ever hurt you I’m sure they are sorry.

You are calling pp a jerk when you called someone a douche bag?

Why are men so delulu?

#teambear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Gosh, can't imagine why your wife is feeling stress. How could anyone be less than 100% happy and calm when married to a person as empathetic as you!

What do you get out of being a jerk on the internet? How is this fun for you. Who ever hurt you I’m sure they are sorry.

Why don't you focus on the good advice you've gotten here, stop trying to control your wife, it's her side of the family so she gets to choose. Bummer for your kid (or maybe it isn't), but when you married into this kind of family those cards were dealt. Support her, don't try to control her, and you'll both be a lot happier.

If you respond with so much anger and bad language to the mildest of pushback, you need to look at yourself and how you treat your wife.

[Anonymous]

OP you don’t like a guy. You sound like a boomer woman who is pissed off that a graduation party isn’t being aligned to cater to her needs.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know op, we have a branch of my family that always says they’d love to come to whatever event and then doesn’t. The car breaks down, someone gets sick, someone has to “unexpectedly” work, it never fails. They aren’t bad people, just if we waited for them, we’d never have a party.
The relationship isn’t fraught though my husband didn’t understand it when we married. What was brought was the relationship with my husband who simply couldn’t grasp that I was no longer going to factor that branch into any plans even Christmas. I’m always happy to see them, but that’s all I can do at this point.
I think you need to back off and be more loving.
Your wife may indeed need therapy, though I did read your later posts and you are a mean one, op. If you have it within your power to make her family show up, do that. Let her enjoy herself. It’s very possible her dad and siblings view you as “the adult” and your wife as a kid or teenager. That means they may listen to you and respond in a way for you that they won’t with her. Fair or not, you seem to really want the family there, she seems to think they can’t or won’t come, she’s being considerate of you and all the work you’ve done by saying essentially “f***ck it” and you are being nasty to her. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has a fraught relationship with her dad and siblings. Additionally, she has a lot of unresolved feelings about her mom who died a couple years ago. A couple times a year there’s some kind of blow up (usually around holidays, birthdays and big family events) which puts her in a tailspin. Which means she spends about a quarter of the year in a tailspin.

Anyway, we have a graduation coming up for one of our kids and I can already tell she is going to lose it. She absolutely refused to be involved in any part of the celebration planning. Additionally, she’s doing that thing where she refuses to solve any problems - her family can’t come to the party I’m planning so I offered to move it to whenever they could come. She then told me they would never come. And when I challenged her on that she said if they didn’t care enough to come to the party I planned then she didn’t want them there. Any advice would be appreciated.

First respect her wishes and do not invite the people she does not want at the party. Stop bothering her about that. Second, let her be. If she wants to go to therapy she will. Just be a supportive sounding board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you let her handle her relationship with her family?

If she doesnt want to invite/adjust/cater the party to them, why do you want to step on her to overrule?

This is my kid’s graduation party you douche bag. My kid deserves to have his family there. What has happened in your life that you’re so clueless. Seriously, use your head.

Are you the op? If so, you are extremely rude and I can see that your wife has a dh problem as well. I can tell you that my kids wouldn't want family members that didn't get along with their mom at their party! They have also had issues with them so it isn't just me.

You are a piece of work and maybe YOU should seek therapy.