If your kid has a personality disorder

[Anonymous]

And specifically borderline of narcissistic pd, how and when did it begin?

[Anonymous]

Well it really can’t be diagnosed until adulthood. Bu lt around 17 we were told that my son was showing signs and needed intensive interventions. Then around 21, BPD started showing up. Diagnosis was during an involuntary hospitalization. 6-9 months later we aren’t sure the diagnosis fits because while it seemed correct at the time under the circumstances, the symptoms that led to diagnosis don’t seem to exist now. Not saying they won’t return. It’s just complicated.

At 17, they were leaning toward NPD.

[Anonymous]

In hindsight there were clues all along, notably difficulties with empathy from a young age.

[Anonymous]

I agree - there were clues all along especially very intense emotions, insecure attachment issues and general mental health instability. It wasn’t until 17 or 18 that it became more clearly BPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree - there were clues all along especially very intense emotions, insecure attachment issues and general mental health instability. It wasn’t until 17 or 18 that it became more clearly BPD.

First PP here. Insecure attachment was a huge issue and later, starting in HS mental health instability ruled our lives. All of that improved starting at mid-21.

[Anonymous]

Curious for those who had a later dx whether empathy was affected all along?

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much to those who have responded. Would you say that the kid was always difficult in some way or did it just surface like a lake monster as they got older?

[Anonymous]

My sibling has BPD and signs were there from an early age (5-ish), but blamed on our parent’s divorce. Has had insecure attachment issues as long as I can remember, as well as a high propensity to manipulate and lie. They have been involuntarily hospitalized multiple times which started in late teens. One suicide attempt mid-teens. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

our therapist told us that all humans have 'pieces' of personality disorder, it's just where on the spectrum you sit.
she said the aspect most evident in a child is the absence of empathy. that's where it can get confused with asd. the main differentiator being that if you have a PD, you will manipulate to work around the 'self' (regardless of impact on others).
confusingly, it is also possible to have asd and a pd.

[Anonymous]

I remember going to a parenting group when my kids were still preschoolers and asking why my son didn't seem to enjoy pleasing his parents the way his siblings did. There was some kind of clean up song they would do in preschool and the other kids would pick up the toys and then look at the teachers and the teachers would clap and the kids would feel good about having helped and pleased their teachers. Our child literally never seemed to care about pleasing us or making us happy. He didn't seem to care about our feelings from a very young age. I also remember trying to make him apologize for having hurt a sibling, etc. and it never felt sincere. He would kind of go 'sorry' in this singsong voice, but it was never real. We were aware that 'something' was up before he went to kindergarten. My father is a diagnosed narcissist, and there seems to be similar mental health issues on both sides of the family. Sometimes I think that if I were a few years younger and had all the genetic insights that people have today, I wonder if I would have had children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious for those who had a later dx whether empathy was affected all along?

My BPD young adult does not lack empathy but does not always express it in a typical way. Key for our family was understanding the behaviors and what drives them through a lot of DBT work.

[Anonymous]

DD (21) has been diagnosed with both BPD and NPD. I think one sign was that she was always high in cognitive empathy but low in emotional empathy; that is, she could empathize with people based on situational contexts, but she was never good at reading facial expressions and body language.

She's always been somewhat unemotional. The main emotions she felt growing up were anger, sadness, or boredom. Joy was (and is) almost impossible for her.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this sounds a lot like what is being diagnosed as HFA I'm younger ages - sounds a lot like things I see in my kid. Is there anything you can do if you think it might be a diagnosis? Things that could be helpful to do earlier?