Why do some moms do this?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any issues with type A personality "super moms" who are in general, highly capable, organized, do-it-all types, etc. I'm inspired by them, I learn a lot from them, and have a lot of respect for them. It doesn't even faze me when they brag - about their kids, about their marriage, about their accomplishments, about all that they are doing.

What annoys me is when some of these moms engage in these types of behaviors:
- put down other moms who are disorganized
- put down other couples who are failing at marriage
- when sharing something that I'm doing that I'm somewhat proud of, even though I don't excel at it, they put in their two cents that whatever they do they put 110% in to it, so that's why THEY choose not to do it
- share their #momfails - except they're not actual fails - it's just something that 95 percent of moms do or don't do, so I feel like they are saying that all moms are failing if they do or don't do "x".

What even drives this? Maybe it's just a personality mismatch that it annoys me?

[Anonymous]

They are driven by extreme anxiety. The need to be in total control stems from their fear.

[Anonymous]

Not all moms are like that—just the over competitive type that only want to see their own kids do well. Hang out with different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are driven by extreme anxiety. The need to be in total control stems from their fear.

Huh. Never thought about it that way. I can see the desire for control, but I don't see the anxiety. I am someone who struggles with anxiety. I guess anxiety comes in different forms.

[Anonymous]

I assume you're talking about social media....I doubt anyone would say those things outloud so they resort to doing it online. Probably want to prove to people they're good moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you're talking about social media....I doubt anyone would say those things outloud so they resort to doing it online. Probably want to prove to people they're good moms.

No, not online. These are things that are shared with me in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you're talking about social media....I doubt anyone would say those things outloud so they resort to doing it online. Probably want to prove to people they're good moms.

No, not online. These are things that are shared with me in person.

How old are your/their kids? There’s different types of crazy when the kids are babies or young toddlers vs., say, 3rd grade and up kids.

[Anonymous]

The only way for them to be doing it “right” is for those different from them to be doing it “wrong.” It use extreme insecurity and anxiety.

Ie: SAH/WOH, breastfeeding, homeschooling, attachment parenting, sleep training, screen time, etc. and so on.

[Anonymous]

LOG OFF. It sounds like this is social media and you need to just stop looking at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I don't have any issues with type A personality "super moms" who are in general, highly capable, organized, do-it-all types, etc. I'm inspired by them, I learn a lot from them, and have a lot of respect for them. It doesn't even faze me when they brag - about their kids, about their marriage, about their accomplishments, about all that they are doing.

What annoys me is when some of these moms engage in these types of behaviors:
- put down other moms who are disorganized
- put down other couples who are failing at marriage
- when sharing something that I'm doing that I'm somewhat proud of, even though I don't excel at it, they put in their two cents that whatever they do they put 110% in to it, so that's why THEY choose not to do it
- share their #momfails - except they're not actual fails - it's just something that 95 percent of moms do or don't do, so I feel like they are saying that all moms are failing if they do or don't do "x".

What even drives this? Maybe it's just a personality mismatch that it annoys me?

You have had the experience of another mom, in person, talking about another couple's failing marriage? Who are you hanging out with that any of these things happen with any regularity that you can say it is something that "super moms" do? I cannot imagine having a conversation where I mention that I did something I was proud of and another mom saying she would never do anything she couldn't do 110%. I would think you would have to be pretty set centered to make another's mom's actions about you.

[Anonymous]

Personality mismatch. I think these relationships are just not healthy in the long run. Find people who make you feel good.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this with a lot of people. Particularly military but also some moms like you say. The military tend to play less games with pretending they have faults but instead play out making fun of completely normal behaviors that just aren't military. They make fun of to kind of stand out as alpha males. Moms basically criticize themselves as kind of a showing off that they have few issues to deal with and standing out as alpha females.

I think it stems from a lot of rigidity in beliefs and behavior and control and anxiety. Very routine oriented and I picture these people really enjoying those worksheets where you have to find what's wrong with the picture and circle it. They are the policemen and women in society. Somehow this exercise motivates them to do stuff correctly as if by criticizing someone else they get motivation to continue along their rigid path. Whereas it just tires me out to listen to it probably because it's more work for me to stay along that path. At the same time, a little bit of this is healthy for me as well. Keeps me in line. So I like being around these people part of the time to keep me in check, but not too long to where I get depressed or cynical about the world.

[Anonymous]

You know a lot of people like this? I don’t know anyone who does this! How terrible. I would not want to be friends with someone who does this for any reason. I’d also be cautious about letting my kids play with hers.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone like this, definitely not in person. Maybe you are spending too much time on social media.

[Anonymous]

12:37 again. I think they are also driven a lot by status and fitting in. They want to be part of a group. So, this way they all mirror how they are deserving to be in the group as high status or at least pretending to have few issues and high standards, they also show off how they aren't bringing issues to the group to deal with - low maintenance, and they show that they are willing to be a little bit vulnerable in order to be friendly and relatable but only to a shallow level. It's a way of saying I'm better than so and so but can show some vulnerability around small issues.