Single moms — any luck creating alone time in the evenings?

[Anonymous]

I miss early bedtimes! I have teens and we habitually spend the evenings together watching movies, playing games, etc, until I can’t keep my eyes open and we all head to bed. But I miss the occasional nights where I could just do my own thing after they went to bed. I feel guilty when I ask them to go away (I don’t phrase it that way, but you know what I mean!) and I don’t ever want them to feel like I don’t want them hanging around; I’m well aware my days are numbered and one day I will yearn for these days. My DD in particular gets really sad if I don’t spend the evening with her. Am I just SOL until they leave for college? Or is there a way to sneak on in every so often?

[Anonymous]

Given that they’re teens I think you’re SOL unless they initiate being alone.
I’m not a single parent but solo parent at night because my spouse works 4-midnight. Mine is a tween though so I kind of force her into bed around 830 so she can read for an hour before lights out. That’s my evening alone time. I know this won’t work for much longer though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss early bedtimes! I have teens and we habitually spend the evenings together watching movies, playing games, etc, until I can’t keep my eyes open and we all head to bed. But I miss the occasional nights where I could just do my own thing after they went to bed. I feel guilty when I ask them to go away (I don’t phrase it that way, but you know what I mean!) and I don’t ever want them to feel like I don’t want them hanging around; I’m well aware my days are numbered and one day I will yearn for these days. My DD in particular gets really sad if I don’t spend the evening with her. Am I just SOL until they leave for college? Or is there a way to sneak on in every so often?

Do they not have another parent?

[Anonymous]

I think it would be healthy for you to have a hobby or a class e something you do on a regular basis hat is just for to. It is ok for your kids to know you have a life outside them, and I think it’s a healthier model for relationships (of all sorts, not just romantic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be healthy for you to have a hobby or a class e something you do on a regular basis hat is just for to. It is ok for your kids to know you have a life outside them, and I think it’s a healthier model for relationships (of all sorts, not just romantic).

*that is just for you.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I miss early bedtimes! I have teens and we habitually spend the evenings together watching movies, playing games, etc, until I can’t keep my eyes open and we all head to bed. But I miss the occasional nights where I could just do my own thing after they went to bed. I feel guilty when I ask them to go away (I don’t phrase it that way, but you know what I mean!) and I don’t ever want them to feel like I don’t want them hanging around; I’m well aware my days are numbered and one day I will yearn for these days. My DD in particular gets really sad if I don’t spend the evening with her. Am I just SOL until they leave for college? Or is there a way to sneak on in every so often?[/quote]

Do they not have another parent? [/quote]
If that were a possible solution, do you think OP might have inadvertently missed it without your contribution?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I just had to learn to have my alone time in the early morning. Late nights they were so primed to chat about stuff and I didn't want to miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be healthy for you to have a hobby or a class e something you do on a regular basis hat is just for to. It is ok for your kids to know you have a life outside them, and I think it’s a healthier model for relationships (of all sorts, not just romantic).

When your spouse dies unexpectedly you do not have this luxury.

[Anonymous]

My partner died unexpectedly. My kid is in elementary school. We live in a small apartment with two separate spaces only plus bathroom.
We have completely different interests/hobbies.
It's at night when he begs to snug or sneak into my bed. He falls asleep fats and I could find more time if I wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Im in the same boat, & it is exhausting sometimes. I’m a person who likes alone time, & I feel like teenage years mean I have none….I have one who doesn’t have many friends & so we spend a lot of time together. It’s great, but also like you said, no early bedtime where I can just be alone for an hr or 2.

So I usually get up earlier for a little free time, like a 1/2 hr. And sometimes I will go take a bath, & try to offer that to my DD (she does sometimes). So you could try that strategy, it is a little break.

[Anonymous]

"Honey, I love you, and I need some time to rest / do some things on my own tonight. Please watch a movie / do your chores / cal a friend / whatever."

[Anonymous]

I'm a little surprised/impressed you're playing games/watching movies with your teens every night. My tweens have so much homework and then want their downtime on their own screens--playing games together and watching movies together is reserved for weekends. And even then, they're often out at school activities/sports/sleepovers with their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss early bedtimes! I have teens and we habitually spend the evenings together watching movies, playing games, etc, until I can’t keep my eyes open and we all head to bed. But I miss the occasional nights where I could just do my own thing after they went to bed. I feel guilty when I ask them to go away (I don’t phrase it that way, but you know what I mean!) and I don’t ever want them to feel like I don’t want them hanging around; I’m well aware my days are numbered and one day I will yearn for these days. My DD in particular gets really sad if I don’t spend the evening with her. Am I just SOL until they leave for college? Or is there a way to sneak on in every so often?

Do they not have another parent?

In EVERY post in which a single mom asks a question, someone shows up to ask, “where is the dad?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss early bedtimes! I have teens and we habitually spend the evenings together watching movies, playing games, etc, until I can’t keep my eyes open and we all head to bed. But I miss the occasional nights where I could just do my own thing after they went to bed. I feel guilty when I ask them to go away (I don’t phrase it that way, but you know what I mean!) and I don’t ever want them to feel like I don’t want them hanging around; I’m well aware my days are numbered and one day I will yearn for these days. My DD in particular gets really sad if I don’t spend the evening with her. Am I just SOL until they leave for college? Or is there a way to sneak on in every so often?

Do they not have another parent?

In EVERY post in which a single mom asks a question, someone shows up to ask, “where is the dad?”

I get that this may be annoying, and I'm not the poster who asked--but single mom doesn't always mean that the father is completely out of the picture, even if mom has most of the childcare burdens.

[Anonymous]

NP.
I am a single mom, not a solo mom. Single mom by choice. My daughter is 15. I waited 41 years for her. We love our evenings together. Dinner, homework and chores done (together). Board games. No screens on school nights. She gets enough screen time at school. We like to read to each other.

My alone time is in the morning. I get up an hour earlier than she does. Meditation, yoga.

We've got a good thing going. I will miss it in a few years.