Phases where things about DH bother me
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I’ve been married 10 years to DH and overall we have a happy and fulfilling marriage. Every once in a while though I’ll have phases where certain things about him will bother me and then I might go into a spiral thinking about them. For example, the other day we had a playdate with a couple we didn’t know and he didn’t initiate conversations or seem that interested in getting to know them. Which then made me think about his social skills as a whole, and how I wish he more talkative or whatever. And when I think these things, I also thinking about how his other “negative” qualities.
Does this happen to anyone else who has been in a long and happy marriage? I’m not thinking about divorce or anything like that. It’s just this feeling of man I wish he were better at XYZ. Or like, kinda turned off by certain things? I know overall he is a good person, kind, good dad, etc. - all the fundamental things. Anyways, just wondering if this is normal or if there’s something wrong with me or our relationship. |
Anonymous
| Very relatable. I don't have answers though.. married 15 years. |
Anonymous
| Yes, normal. But it seems like you are ahead of the game because you see this is part of a pattern that you are spiraling and then get over it and put the issue in perspective. |
Anonymous
|
Yes, normal.
Curious if husbands do this too? |
Anonymous
| Why has no one brought up that you had a play date with another couple? |
Anonymous
| What does your therapist say? |
Anonymous
Don’t have one. |
Anonymous
OP here - I don’t get the sense that my husband spends time randomly thinking negatively about me. He might be annoyed about something that I did in the moment but he seems much better at just finding things to do, like his hobbies… whereas when I notice something, I’ll start becoming hyper aware of it and spent what I know is irrational amount of time feeling annoyed about it. |
Anonymous
| That’s a behavior my kids have both worked on in therapy for anxiety. Not the introversion, the spiraling. It can get better if you want it to, and the answer probably isn’t for your husband to suddenly become perfect. |
Anonymous
| Hormones. |
Anonymous
| Pp again. Do you track your cycles? The negative thoughts start around week 3 into week 4 for me. |
Anonymous
| This happens to me, pretty much always before my period. YMMV |
Anonymous
|
Definitely normal! Buckle up ... menopause exacerbates all of this!
|
Anonymous
I was going to hate myself for saying it, but for me this is SO true. Being annoyed at DH is a hallmark sign I'm getting ready to have my period. DH and I have been married for almost 23 years and my phase/spiral is focusing on his lack of consideration for others. This is an area where he can be fabulous, kind, and giving, or so horribly tone deaf/out of touch it's embarrassing. |
Anonymous
9:44 here - Oh crap. |