What is this?

[Anonymous]

Child is hyperfocused or obsessed on trying to find a "gotcha" in something I say that's inaccurate. Like I'll make a general statement about something that happened and they will focus on one little detail and say it's an exaggeration or even a lie when any reasonable person IMO would have interpreted as a more broad blanket statement that wasn't so literal.

Like if I say I watched the video on high-speed they will claim I didn't watch it and was exaggerating because I didn't know what a certain character said. They will say aha! You didn't actually watch that video because that person is a main character. Let me give you a quiz. You are bragging you watched the video but you did not.

What is this issue and how can we treat? It's really focused on me right now but I can see if they do it to others it will be a real social liability.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it could be PDA leveling behavior. Literally trying to take you down a peg. Infuriating and yes, socially limiting.

[Anonymous]

Fascinating theory PP!

[Anonymous]

Autism. They see things black & white, are very literal, & care about justice/things being “right”.

I don’t really treat it, but I try to be mindful of their tendencies.

In your example, you both sound a little caught up in who is “right”. I mean, if you watched a video on 2x speed & don’t know a main character, isn’t that pretty much the same thing as not having watched it? If you are having these battles a lot, I think DC sees this as a thing between you - you cannot be taken at your word, because you sometimes are not literal. (Doesn’t matter that any “reasonable person” would understand - you are dealing with a person firmly rooted in the literal.) I would change your behavior to be very literal back, to prove you are true to your word, & avoid the power struggles.

Once they can feel they can trust your word, literally, it will get better. It is about FELT trust & safety. Not actual trust or safety - because as a caring parent, obviously you can be trusted & are safe - but they have to feel that explicitly & be shown that over & over.

Because they do this with you does not mean they will do this with others.

[Anonymous]

Thank you PP. This child is very socially intuitive other than this and has a lot of friends but I think that's a helpful way to think about it. In these cases I'm not really having a debate or arguing but I will pay attention to that and be cautious of not doing that.

The other thing is it's just me for now so I think your talking about trust is helpful. I'm not sure why the child is so skeptical about things I say. I'm not one to overdramatize but it's something I'll keep an eye on too to see what I'm doing that might play into this.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how old your kid is, but I would just keep saying that this is nitpicking and explain clearly what that is. Then clearly explain that part of growing up is to get along, and unless it’s an immediate matter of health or safety, let it go. I would also ask why does it seem so important to be correct or to”win?” Is it coming from a need to feel superior, which might be developmental, although annoying, with your own child, or is it from anxiety and feeling that everything needs to be accurate in order for them to feel safe?

Then while still trying to understand it, I’d shut it down when it happens. “You are nitpicking again. I don’t enjoy it and will not talk to you about this now. People don’t like other people to nitpick and I hope you can learn to stop this so you are able to have good friendships.”

[Anonymous]

Eh, kids are extremely literal and don’t do nuance very well. I don’t think there’s a diagnosis here. I am sure it will pass.