PSA/Rant: It's time to select your own mother's day gift to arrive on time

[Anonymous]

This is an actual conversation my DH (of 20 years) and I had this morning.

Me: "DH, I selected the item I want for Mother's Day and put it in the Amazon cart."
Him: (Without expressing any gratitude or embarrassment that I need to do this if I want anything) "Okay, did you actually place the order or do I still need to go in and do that?"


(And before the haters come, I'm not mad, I've made my peace long ago and I deal with it by selecting my own gifts and making my own plans. I also reminded him to talk with his father about his plans to see his mom.)

[Anonymous]

And….?

[Anonymous]

It is strange that you wouldn't just click a few more times and say that you made the purchase.

You can also set expectations like I still want flowers on the day of and cards from the kids or whatever it is that would make you happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is strange that you wouldn't just click a few more times and say that you made the purchase.

You can also set expectations like I still want flowers on the day of and cards from the kids or whatever it is that would make you happy.

+1
Why create unnecessary work for DH? What's wrong with these women?

- Happily married mom of 2

[Anonymous]

I think it's strange that you announce something you've picked/bought for yourself.

Mother's Day is about others (namely your children) celebrating you - oftentimes with help and gifting from spouse. Short of that, your move is passive aggressive.

Don't put items in carts for your own gifts. Buy it outright as a gift to yourself because your awesome any day you want - but what you're doing is reminding him that he sucks. Let the day go as it should with everyone in your household either celebrating you or not - but they way you're going at it is foolish.

[Anonymous]

The best part of being an adult is that I can buy things for myself. No holiday needed!

[Anonymous]

Yeah if there is something specific I want, I just buy it.

Also, I learned a long time ago that there are some things I really want that my DH doesn't like to buy me. Like he used to ask what I wanted for my birthday/mothers day, and I'd tell him I wanted a gift certificate for a spa massage or to get my nails or hair done. Or a workout class at a studio that I don't usually go to because it's a bit spendy. I'm not a huge stuff person but I love experiences. But he'd never get me any of this even if I explicitly asked. He likes to give stuff and he feels weird giving GCs for experiences, and it wont' change.

So I get myself the experiences and just tell him "I'm getting my hair done on Sunday" or I'm going to a yoga class at the fancy studio, and his job is to watch the kids without me having to ask him to and keep the house clean while I'm gone. And then he'll give me some chocolate or a tin of my favorite tea or something.

[Anonymous]

My DH isn't an occasion person, either, but if I want something, I just buy it. What does it matter which one of you clicks the "place order" button?

What I want and expect from my DH on Mothers Day is for him to help the kids make cards for me, and for him to be in charge of all family meals for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best part of being an adult is that I can buy things for myself. No holiday needed!

OP here. Yes I do this too. But the kids like me to open something and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for him to place the order on something I selected for him. Otherwise I’ll get nothing but a sheepish grin on Mother’s Day and a frantic question from him about what I think he should get his mom.

[Anonymous]

I walked a catalogue over to my husband last week with three inexpensive items circled, in plenty of time for Mother's Day. He was thrilled and I would be happy with any of them. Know your mate and help them where they need it. He does want to help the kids get me a little something but without guidance, it will be chocolate or flowers and I've had enough of those for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best part of being an adult is that I can buy things for myself. No holiday needed!

OP here. Yes I do this too. But the kids like me to open something and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for him to place the order on something I selected for him. Otherwise I’ll get nothing but a sheepish grin on Mother’s Day and a frantic question from him about what I think he should get his mom.

Do you think he’s going to change after twenty years? Don’t help him figure out gifts for his mother.

[Anonymous]

Ugh sorry OP. Some of these replies are so bizarre. "Creating unnecessary work for DH" - Clicking "buy" is too much work for men these days? Yikes.

Definitely do not do anything for his mom. He needs to step up a little. I mean, at all, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh sorry OP. Some of these replies are so bizarre. "Creating unnecessary work for DH" - Clicking "buy" is too much work for men these days? Yikes.

Definitely do not do anything for his mom. He needs to step up a little. I mean, at all, really.

OP here. I’m not planning to, but I am sure that my MIL blames me for her sucky gifts.

[Anonymous]

I've been a mom for 21 years. Long ago I was happy to set Mother's Day expectations very low since that means Father's Day expectations are also low. Favorite dinner, family hike, flowers. Now the kids are old enough they often get or make me something.

[Anonymous]

You have accepted this way of life so you don't get to complain or rant about it.