Great but controlling parents

[Anonymous]

Would you date and marry someone who is great and their parents are great too but still controlling at 25? Does it change with time?

[Anonymous]

The parents wont change or very little. How the person your dating grows and establishes boundaries can change. I was that person. My parents are close, i am an only daughter and they are a big part of my life. It was very hard for me at 30 when i got married to make my husband and my family the priority over my parents wishes. It took a while but a decade later we are in a good place. They probably still comment too much on how i should parent but ive gotten better at ignoring or pushing back as necessary.

[Anonymous]

No. It doesn't really change.

I'm the one with caring but controlling parents. My DH had a cordial relationship with them, but left all the handling to me. In other words, he dropped the rope. As a man he could easily get away with it. I was still learning how to establish and enforce boundaries with my parents in my 30s. So there might be some growing pain for someone in their 20s who may not know yet how best to have boundaries.

My parents were loving, involved grandparents. DH appreciated that. He did get annoyed with my mom sometimes when she tried to micromanage him on a household task. We were on the same page though, so that helped.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by controlling? Examples. It depends on the person’s personality and if the parents liked me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It doesn't really change.

I'm the one with caring but controlling parents. My DH had a cordial relationship with them, but left all the handling to me. In other words, he dropped the rope. As a man he could easily get away with it. I was still learning how to establish and enforce boundaries with my parents in my 30s. So there might be some growing pain for someone in their 20s who may not know yet how best to have boundaries.

My parents were loving, involved grandparents. DH appreciated that. He did get annoyed with my mom sometimes when she tried to micromanage him on a household task. We were on the same page though, so that helped.

How did your husband drop the rope with YOUR relationship with YOUR parents?
Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

For example, insisting none of their kids would get engaged or marry before 30, have kids before 35, must vacation annually with parents, must visit grandparents every summer, never move out of home state, not accept fulfilling jobs if not lucrative enough.

All wise and well intentioned points but isn't it controlling to dictate life trajectory of adult kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For example, insisting none of their kids would get engaged or marry before 30, have kids before 35, must vacation annually with parents, must visit grandparents every summer, never move out of home state, not accept fulfilling jobs if not lucrative enough.

All wise and well intentioned points but isn't it controlling to dictate life trajectory of adult kids?

Laugh now and tell them nope.

[Anonymous]

They offered to pay law school tuition so probably feel more entitled to dictate like they did before 18. Hopefully wouldn't dictate as much once young adult is 28 and is fully independent?

[Anonymous]

Only if the potential future spouse had a problem with their controlling ways and was looking to break free and had already taken some steps in that direction. But if he was happy with it, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It doesn't really change.

I'm the one with caring but controlling parents. My DH had a cordial relationship with them, but left all the handling to me. In other words, he dropped the rope. As a man he could easily get away with it. I was still learning how to establish and enforce boundaries with my parents in my 30s. So there might be some growing pain for someone in their 20s who may not know yet how best to have boundaries.

My parents were loving, involved grandparents. DH appreciated that. He did get annoyed with my mom sometimes when she tried to micromanage him on a household task. We were on the same page though, so that helped.

How did your husband drop the rope with YOUR relationship with YOUR parents?
Sheesh.

It's a very common advice on DCUM to women to drop the rope on managing relationships with their ILs.

Why are you so triggered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It doesn't really change.

I'm the one with caring but controlling parents. My DH had a cordial relationship with them, but left all the handling to me. In other words, he dropped the rope. As a man he could easily get away with it. I was still learning how to establish and enforce boundaries with my parents in my 30s. So there might be some growing pain for someone in their 20s who may not know yet how best to have boundaries.

My parents were loving, involved grandparents. DH appreciated that. He did get annoyed with my mom sometimes when she tried to micromanage him on a household task. We were on the same page though, so that helped.

How did your husband drop the rope with YOUR relationship with YOUR parents?
Sheesh.

It's a very common advice on DCUM to women to drop the rope on managing relationships with their ILs.

Why are you so triggered?

Probably because people have gender based double standards.