How would you handle this? Punishment?
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Anonymous
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DD14 is dealing with some mild “bacne” on her shoulder area. She picks at it incessantly, leaving angry red wounds. It’s causing her a lot of embarrassment, so we took her in. The dermatologist accessed it and says it’s an easy fix, and that she needs to stop picking. We spent good money on a chemical peel in the office and was then prescribed a cream. At first it was working and looking much better, but then she started picking at it again and now it’s once again red and inflamed, and once again she’s complaining that she’s embarrassed and wants it to go away. But she won’t stop picking.
It feels wrong to “natural consequences” this one. She needs to stop picking her skin. If it was anything else medical and she was sabotaging her treatment, the correct thing to do would be to stop it, right? So do we start punishing her for picking? DH said maybe she has to do chores to pay us back for the in-office treatment she’s sabotaging. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| I think you guys are being crazy. Let this go. She will figure this out. But punishments, paying back, etc sounds ridiculous. And frankly, it won’t be effective. |
Anonymous
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Whoa whoa whoa. You are TOTALLY misreading this situation. This is NOT a dermatological problem. This is a mental health issue, one that I’ve struggled with since I was 11/12 (I’m 40 now). It’s called dermatilllomania (sp?). For me, it was a manifestation of anxiety. If she says she wants clear skin and is STILL picking at it, that’s most likely what she’s dealing with, and punishment is absolutely the wrong approach. Get her to a psychologist who specialize in this, stat. It took me a decade as an adult to get this under control, and I ish my parents had figured it out/treated it when I was young.
And if you’re thinking “she doesn’t seem anxious” - neither did I. |
Anonymous
| Agree that skin-picking is a known anxiety-related issue. In the meanwhile, tape some gauze over the spot so she leaves it alone - similar to stopping nail biters. Your focus on the cost of treatment is a weird angle and I wouldn't pursue that. |
Anonymous
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I can see why the girl has anxiety behaviors.
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Anonymous
| She can't help it. Does she have anxiety or ADD? Please get that treated first before you punish her for a medial issue. My gosh. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like she can't help it. Don't punish, find out how you can help her. |
Anonymous
| In addition to mental health treatment, figure out the times that she is most likely to pick and provide a a tactile solution. Eg, bandaids on fingertips or gloves while watching tv if that’s when she picks. Or give her something else to do with her hands then - a fidget toy or have her make bracelets. |
Anonymous
Agree! Op, please educate yourself. She is not doing this in disobedience. The natural consequences are the wounds. Also ask her doctor about NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) Here's one source https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/trichotillomania-hair-pulling-skin-picking-bfrb-adhd-children/ |
Anonymous
This. Rings to twirl or bracelets to fiddle with are common to redirect the movement. Please don’t punish her for anxiety - it’s counterproductive. |
Anonymous
| Treat her anxiety. |
Anonymous
| Poor kid. Threats hanging over her. |
Anonymous
| Wow. OP here. I had no idea it could be anxiety related. Why wouldn’t the dermatologist have suggested this? |
Anonymous
| Punish? Wow, you are insane to even consider it. |
Anonymous
| Because dermatologists are not mental health experts |