Is Marriage Worth It?

[Anonymous]

I’m a single and childless 37 year old woman. I’ve never been married - didn’t see a point in my younger years because I didn’t want kids. I still don’t want kids ( will not be able to have them naturally) but I’ve been changing my mind on marriage. I would love to have a life partner and feel like marriage may be worth it, but I’ve had so many married people tell me to marriage isn’t worth it unless you want kids. They tell me to stay single or just date long term. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will add that I’m happy being alone if I never find another partner. I have built a nice little life for myself and I’m content with that. I would still love having a man in my life for the long term.

Most of the marriage advice is from my older relatives who have all been happily married for 20+ years. Only one of those couples are childless due to fertility issues but love being married. The rest have said marriage isn’t worth it in this day and age unless you want a strong family unit for kids.

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask, the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

If it's the right person and partnership, yes. If it's not, it's hell.

FWIW, I think that being a bit older and not having the imperative of needing to pair off by a certain time in order to have kids will make it easier for you to hold out for the right person. And it seems like there are more and more people choosing not to have kids -- I have a kid, but know a number of couples who made the affirmative choice not to and they seem pretty happy and well-adjusted.

I do think one of the challenges to marriage if you don't have kids is that at some point, one or both of you is going to feel bored or frustrated and start to wonder if the compromises one must make to stay together are worth it. This is just an inevitability of a relationship that ties you to another person for decades. With kids, many couples weather this phase for the sake of their family and come out the side with a greater appreciation of their partner. Without kids, you might be at high risk of divorcing after 10 or 15 years when many married couples start to experience some dissatisfaction with monogamy. But that doesn't mean marriage isn't a good idea, it just means that a marriage without kids is going to have some different dynamics and issues than one with.

[Anonymous]

Never.

Signed, a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's the right person and partnership, yes. If it's not, it's hell.

FWIW, I think that being a bit older and not having the imperative of needing to pair off by a certain time in order to have kids will make it easier for you to hold out for the right person. And it seems like there are more and more people choosing not to have kids -- I have a kid, but know a number of couples who made the affirmative choice not to and they seem pretty happy and well-adjusted.

I do think one of the challenges to marriage if you don't have kids is that at some point, one or both of you is going to feel bored or frustrated and start to wonder if the compromises one must make to stay together are worth it. This is just an inevitability of a relationship that ties you to another person for decades. With kids, many couples weather this phase for the sake of their family and come out the side with a greater appreciation of their partner. Without kids, you might be at high risk of divorcing after 10 or 15 years when many married couples start to experience some dissatisfaction with monogamy. But that doesn't mean marriage isn't a good idea, it just means that a marriage without kids is going to have some different dynamics and issues than one with.

+1 to all of this. Happily married, but I only recommend it because I won the spouse lottery - after a long trail of duds while dating. Definitely worth waiting for the right one to marry.

[Anonymous]

Only only if you meet the absolutely right person. For women its no longer a good deal since they can make their own careers. Not worth it to have to take care of someone else who is not amazing and the right person for them.

[Anonymous]

It’s not worth it unless you find the right partner. Dh is my life partner and I love going through life with him. There’s always someone who remembers that crazy holiday story, that trip we took 10 years ago and someone to listen to me about work issues.

Men get a bad rap but there are a lot of great ones out there too!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know there are many great men out there. I’ve always felt that marriage was a precursor to having kids and I didn’t see a point or any rush since I didn’t want kids.

[Anonymous]

Marriage has been the biggest blessing of my life next to motherhood. Highly recommend.

[Anonymous]

No, I was married for 24 years. The hell he put through in divorce was not worth it. Hard pass. I would never even live together. Keep separate homes and finances.

[Anonymous]

Only if you fall in live, start young, have kids, build a life and grow old together. Its not worth it just for companionship unless you are religious. If you do, get a pre nup.

[Anonymous]

*love

[Anonymous]

Being happily married is worth it. Otherwise no.

[Anonymous]

The only reason I got married was because I wanted to have kids and give them the stereotypical 2-parent stable idyllic family life.

You can have long-term male partner without getting married. Marriage is a legal agreement, not an emotional/mental commitment.

If I get divorced, I have to give up 50% of all that I worked for and likely have to pay alimony to him.