Male interest and self esteem

[Anonymous]

If you are single between 15-35, does it affect your self esteem in positive or negative way?

[Anonymous]

? what does a male have to do with it? You mean like if no man is interested in you, does it impact your self esteem?

[Anonymous]

Depends what I think of the guy.

[Anonymous]

In general getting interest for dating and marriage.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 40s but when I was between 15 and 35, yes it impacted my self esteem. Positive attention from men made me feel good, and negative attention, or just no attention, could make me feel bad (not always, I wasn't always "in the market" for attention, but like if I went out dancing with friends and my friends got attention from men and I didn't, it would make me feel bad).

HOWEVER, from the perspective of about 10 years later (I'm married and have a child), I've learned this is all a lot more complicated than you think. People are starting from different places in terms of self esteem, so even if most women have the experience I just described generally, it will have very different impacts on them. I've also realized it really depends on what kind of man is paying attention to me (his age, his confidence, his relative power level to me, etc.). So many of my responses to male attention are linked to having an absent father in my childhood, and never getting any kind of validation or love from a father figure as a child. It messed me up! And not even in obvious ways. Like I really struggle with positive attention from men who feel like authority figures to me, because I honestly have no idea what to do with it -- I get embarrassed and wonder if they are making fun of me or tricking me. I know that's weird but it makes sense if you understand my childhood. I wound up marrying a man who does not project authority and who doesn't shower me with a lot of compliments attention, and while there are downsides to that, I actually think it was the only thing I could handle.

So just to say that little can be drawn from the responses to a question like this. People are individual and especially when you are talking about how attention from other people makes someone feel *about themselves* you have to start from how that person feels about themselves as a baseline first. Otherwise it's meaningless data.

[Anonymous]

If there are more women than men, it matters more. When more men than women, matters less.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to have your self-esteem be based on you and your own values and whether you meet your own standards. Your self-esteem should NOT be based on someone else's approval.

Do yourself a favor, before you start to date, you need to work on establishing your own standards and make sure you meet those and have your self-esteem be a personal value for yourself, not dependent on anyone else or their approval. If you don't then dating will be a real emotional roller-coaster.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the attention during those years was unwelcome and from strangers so no, I don't remember it having an effect on my self-esteem.