Doctor has a parent preference

[Anonymous]

Have you ever experienced a doctor having a preference on which parent should be handling medical? I have not experienced this until recently and I'm not sure what it means. The doctor is asking that all future appointments be held with one parent as opposed to the other. Looking for opinions of doctors and what would make them do this and is it serious? Will the courts take it seriously?

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing the other parents is a PITA

[Anonymous]

Find another Dr. This is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

What kind of doctor is this? We have a therapist who coordinates with 3 parents - all together. Me, Step-dad, and Dad. All 3 of our inputs are taken seriously and responded to. This includes when dad wasn't convinced that child even needed the therapy (we started out with intensive, 3x/week, family therapy because my son was in an extended behavioral health crisis).

I think you could start with asking the provider why they only want to work with one parent going forward, since your child needs support from both parents at home (whether you are in a single home, or care is divided between 2 homes if you're divorced), and you want to make sure that you aren't always* the messenger between the doctor and the other parent.

*I say always because sometimes you will be at an appt that the other can't make, and will have to explain what happened/was decided later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

What kind of doctor is this? We have a therapist who coordinates with 3 parents - all together. Me, Step-dad, and Dad. All 3 of our inputs are taken seriously and responded to. This includes when dad wasn't convinced that child even needed the therapy (we started out with intensive, 3x/week, family therapy because my son was in an extended behavioral health crisis).

I agree. I'm hesitant to advocate for it, but I'm also hesitant not to advocate for it. While I understood why they have a preference, I found it odd that she would overtly express a preference and not take control of the situation differently.

I think you could start with asking the provider why they only want to work with one parent going forward, since your child needs support from both parents at home (whether you are in a single home, or care is divided between 2 homes if you're divorced), and you want to make sure that you aren't always* the messenger between the doctor and the other parent.

*I say always because sometimes you will be at an appt that the other can't make, and will have to explain what happened/was decided later.

[Anonymous]

This is really bad. If your kid shows up with a black eye from soccer or whatever, are they going to send you to CPS? Fire this doc immediately. I wouldn't even tell him/her why, just lie and say you moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

What kind of doctor is this? We have a therapist who coordinates with 3 parents - all together. Me, Step-dad, and Dad. All 3 of our inputs are taken seriously and responded to. This includes when dad wasn't convinced that child even needed the therapy (we started out with intensive, 3x/week, family therapy because my son was in an extended behavioral health crisis).

I think you could start with asking the provider why they only want to work with one parent going forward, since your child needs support from both parents at home (whether you are in a single home, or care is divided between 2 homes if you're divorced), and you want to make sure that you aren't always* the messenger between the doctor and the other parent.

*I say always because sometimes you will be at an appt that the other can't make, and will have to explain what happened/was decided later.

Don't bother fighting with somebody who has a position of power over you. I had a bad feeling about a doctor and suppressed it and ended up deeply deeply regretting it. It turned into a literal life or death situation. Run, don't walk. Doctors can be incredibly petty and evil and they have incredibly fragile egos and entitlement complexes. When they do crappy things like lie it is almost impossible to get justice because people by default believe the doctor and what they wrote in the notes over the patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

If you and your partner aren't on the same page about what is happening, and the information you give is incompatible with each other, there isn't a lot the doctor can do.

If that can't be fixed, it sounds like a good idea to look for someone who is willing and able to work with a family where everyone isn't on the same page. It's fine for you to leave, and it's fine for them to encourage you to do so. If the relationship between provider and patients isn't working, then it isn't working. No shame there.

[Anonymous]

Doctors get to make the call not to work with a given person, unless they are working as an emergency provider (EMTALA). They can't force you to stay, but you can't force them to give care.

Finding someone else sounds like an excellent idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you the problematic parent or the reasonable one?

The reasonable one. I'm just trying to understand the implications.

I want someone to be able to work with both parents and I'm trying to better understand if this is a parent issue or a doctor issue.

Obviously it's easier to only communicate and coordinate with one person. But I would think this is somewhat normal and find the request a little odd. They didn't elaborate, only to say the other parent paints a very different picture of the situation.

I understand the importance of continuity of care, but again- communicating treatment plan to multiple caregivers isn't that unusual.

Well one implication is that it will always be your job to take your kid to the doc, no matter how inconvenient (or impossible) for you.

The doctor fired your spouse.

I have to wonder if the doctor thinks they can push you around more than your spouse. I'm guessing you were the "good cop" and your spouse was the "bad cop". Well guess what? Sometimes you need the bad cop.

Even if your kid is very medically complicated, *especially* if your kid is complicated, you need a doctor you can trust 100%, especially when a child is involved and CPS due to medical "non-compliance" is an issue. I get really bad vibes out of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Doctors are a dime a dozen. Find one that’s not crazy.

[Anonymous]

We’re in DC and pediatric practices are opening everywhere. One Medical now does concierge pediatric. Why are you spending one second with a doctor who thinks he or she gets to make decisions like this for parents?!!?!?

[Anonymous]

That's crazy op. Switch doctors.