At what age can you/should you totally drop the rope on food choices?

[Anonymous]

16 year DD is lucky in the sense that she is genetically thin and likely will always be. She is also in a very active sport. My concern is not calories but sugar/carbs WRT her teeth. She has been very cavity prone thus far in life. Dentist says the main culprits for her are likely goldfish, cereal, and sugary/acidic drinks like lemonade, coffees and starbucks refreshers. He admits that its not fair and some kids can have these things without getting cavities. Trying to get her to limit these things or make better choices always results in an argument I don't enjoy having. She gets down every time a dental appt is coming up as she likely will have a cavity that needs filling.

Trying to find where the line is between helicopter and lazy parent here. I'd love to drop the rope but I worry she isn't thinking long term. She is generally/mostly a great, responsible kid with good grades and internal motivation. What is my responsibility here, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Tell it like it is. She needs you to lay down the line. among other things, who does she think will pay for the fillings?

I would bring it up not in the moment but on a car ride or someplace where it can be a longer convo. You can even say, "You're so internally motivated and so good at following up on things, and I know that you just want to grab the sweet and carby stuff, but it's hard on your teeth, and down the line, that can result in expensive and painful work that you could avoid if you made different choices now. Can we talk about setting up some general guidelines?"

Just because teens snap back doesn't mean they don't know you're right. It may be that she's embarrassed because she's not able to control this one as easily as she can study for a test and get a good grade on it.

[Anonymous]

I would not buy any of those foods or give her money for any of those foods. If she sneaks them, I'd have her pay at the dentist each time she has a cavity. Time to learn choices have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Make her pay for the fillings with her own money. She might start making different choices.
Its is hard to control what kids are eating/drinking when you aren't present. You can stock the house with healthy food, but once they have a car and can go to Starbucks on their own, you aren't going to be able to restrict the sugar so much. That's why I'd work on emphasizing healthy options and letting her experience some consequences.

[Anonymous]

This is genetic. Drop it. She gets cavities. It isn’t the end of the world

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to brush her teeth after meals and snacking. So it clear it’s not policing food.

[Anonymous]

Goldfish are not causing cavities.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the age, but it’s younger than 16.

[Anonymous]

Until they're financially independent and off living on their own.

My 19 year old is prediabetic. You bet I push him to better food choices! Teen brains are still developing and need to be reminded of many things in the health department.

You need to accompany your teen to the dentist and have a discussion all three of you about best practices. It's very important, otherwise she's going to have a miserable time as an adult dealing with the aftermath of poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goldfish are not causing cavities.

Multiple dentists disagree with you, but I also agree there is a huge genetic component which I why I'm very reluctant to be punitive here. I'm certainly not having her pay.

But thanks all for the thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make her pay for the fillings with her own money. She might start making different choices.
Its is hard to control what kids are eating/drinking when you aren't present. You can stock the house with healthy food, but once they have a car and can go to Starbucks on their own, you aren't going to be able to restrict the sugar so much. That's why I'd work on emphasizing healthy options and letting her experience some consequences.

Unless your kid is eating taffy and going to bed with unbrushed teeth, I think it’s pretty heartless to make her pay for filing cavitites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goldfish are not causing cavities.

1+. And I say this as someone who is cavity prone and knows the “list” of “no’s.” Seems like this is just a stealth way to police her diet. (She’s never going to have a cracker again?) Keep junk food out of the house, discuss food/ drinks that are problematic, develop good dental hygiene habits, then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goldfish are not causing cavities.

1+. And I say this as someone who is cavity prone and knows the “list” of “no’s.” Seems like this is just a stealth way to police her diet. (She’s never going to have a cracker again?) Keep junk food out of the house, discuss food/ drinks that are problematic, develop good dental hygiene habits, then let it go.

OP here. I swear I don't want to police her diet. We are all thin and not diet-restrictive at all. My husband is cavity prone like DD, but my other child and I are not. We all eat very similarly. I have no personal vendetta against crackers or pretzels, etc. More than one dentist have specifically called this foods out because they sit in molars and grooves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goldfish are not causing cavities.

1+. And I say this as someone who is cavity prone and knows the “list” of “no’s.” Seems like this is just a stealth way to police her diet. (She’s never going to have a cracker again?) Keep junk food out of the house, discuss food/ drinks that are problematic, develop good dental hygiene habits, then let it go.

OP here. I swear I don't want to police her diet. We are all thin and not diet-restrictive at all. My husband is cavity prone like DD, but my other child and I are not. We all eat very similarly. I have no personal vendetta against crackers or pretzels, etc. More than one dentist have specifically called this foods out because they sit in molars and grooves.

Doesn’t she have sealants? We all have deep grooves and got cavities in every single one and nowhere else ever until we got them all filled (with fillings or sealants). I completely agree that it’s unavoidable if that’s just the shape of her teeth, but also know that diet changes won’t stop it until the grooves are filled. But if she’s getting cavities in other places, then it’s likely weak enamel and she needs dietary and behavioral changes, plus more fluoride treatments.

If it’s her enamel, then you keep parenting because she needs to learn to brush and rinse more frequently, particularly after certain foods. If it’s her grooves, then just fill them and drop the rope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goldfish are not causing cavities.

1+. And I say this as someone who is cavity prone and knows the “list” of “no’s.” Seems like this is just a stealth way to police her diet. (She’s never going to have a cracker again?) Keep junk food out of the house, discuss food/ drinks that are problematic, develop good dental hygiene habits, then let it go.

OP here. I swear I don't want to police her diet. We are all thin and not diet-restrictive at all. My husband is cavity prone like DD, but my other child and I are not. We all eat very similarly. I have no personal vendetta against crackers or pretzels, etc. More than one dentist have specifically called this foods out because they sit in molars and grooves.

Right, certainly simple carbs can be problematic (bread included!), but it has to do with starchy food staying on your teeth, being broken down to sugars, high carb diets creating an acidic mouth pH. It’s not just goldfish cracker —> cavity. It would probably be better for your daughter to understand these dynamics, avoid frequent snacking, brush frequently etc - instead of getting punished for eating common foods that everyone else is partaking in…