Glass Child

[Anonymous]

What can I do to prevent my DD (8) from feeling like a ''glass child." I read this article yesterday:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/23/health/glass-children-invisible-sibling-wellness/index.html

My older DD (10) has CF. It is constant doctors appointments, medications, watching diet, hospital visits etc... She is also a type A, over-achiever. Constantly trying to get some award, get the perfect grades etc.. This combination leads to a lot of attention from others.

DD (8) is perfectly healthy, and more laid back. She doesn't have that deep desire for success and awards (which is nice, she adds balance to our life). I know this could change as she gets older.

How do I make sure she never feels "second" or in-adequate. I try to make sure they are treated the same, and DD2 also gets attention, praise, and affection. I just worry one day she will hold resentment.

[Anonymous]

My mom recently sent that article to me and my sister (we have a profoundly disabled brother in between us). My older sister did not feel like a glass child, but I definitely did. She was very type A, teacher's pet, won all these volunteering awards, got lots of accolades and praise, and embraced my brother,. I honestly hated him growing up.

My mom was very intentional about giving me outlets, even though my relationship with my brother (from her standpoint) could be heartbreaking. Rationally, of course, I knew that my brother was a part of the family, and he would be there at recitals and soccer games, so I don't have any resentment of my parents bringing him to events, even though it was hard. I was very quiet and just liked to be hidden behind the scenes.

I went to sleepaway camp in the summer, where I thrived. That was my lifeline. I eventually got my parents to send me for 8 weeks, even though it was a financial hardship. My brother also went to sleepaway camp for 3 weeks every summer thru the Fresh Air fund, and that's when we'd take an epic family road trip.

My mom would sometimes play the "handicapped" card to cut a line, or get a benefit, or whatever, and that still makes me so embarrassed. For example, if Christmas eve service was full at church, and we were late, she would wheel him right up to the front row and everyone would of course make a spot for our family. I just remember constantly feeling embarrassed and in the spotlight.

I now have a lot more empathy and understanding for my mom, as I have 3 kids. My youngest has disabilities, not as severe, and I still have a lot to work out psychologically.

In all, my family is very close knit, although my dad passed when I was 19. We got through it, but I think the dialogue is important, and for your children to know that their feelings are valid, even if they don't seem like the "right" feelings.

[Anonymous]

Some resources:

https://childlife.scholasticahq.com/article/84322-child-life-services-for-siblings-of-chronically-ill-children

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6934013/

Have you found any support groups for siblings, or summer camps that accept both children with medical conditions and their siblings?

https://campholidaytrails.org/

[Anonymous]

Also, OP, there's some evidence that it's easier for siblings younger than the affected child to adapt compared to siblings that are older