When should kids "tell"?

[Anonymous]

I only have one kid who tends to follow the rules. I am trying to help him find the line between tattling and having to actually seek adult help. I don't want him to be painted a tattle tale or a baby. Last week as he said "Larlo tackled me to the ground when I was coming into school" and the supervisor told my son to go talk to the school counselor to tell her what happened. Counselor listened and said she would talk to Larlo, and son went to class. I never heard about it until today, when he randomly brought it up at home. He also comes home saying things like "I didn't tell on Larla today, do you think that was right? Even though she said really mean things about x." It's hard for me to know about school situations not seeing and hearing things first hand. In clubs and sports he is not a tattletale from what I have seen.

When do you tell your kids they need to communicate to a teacher when it comes to teasing, mean comments, and physical contact from kids?

[Anonymous]

Our rule is you should tell the other kid to knock it off first. If they stop, you don’t tattle. If they continue, you tell an adult. 99% of children are normal and will stop when another child tells them to stop. This is good for both your child and the instigator - your child learns to defend themselves and to trust their own ability to confront wrongdoing with confidence. Or helps the instigator learn proper socializing and teaches them to respect your child.

1% of children are psychopaths and that is for whom we preserve the right to tattle.

[Anonymous]

They should tell if it affects them directly. So telling on someone who tackled him was correct. NOT telling on Larla for saying mean things about someone else was also correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is you should tell the other kid to knock it off first. If they stop, you don’t tattle. If they continue, you tell an adult. 99% of children are normal and will stop when another child tells them to stop. This is good for both your child and the instigator - your child learns to defend themselves and to trust their own ability to confront wrongdoing with confidence. Or helps the instigator learn proper socializing and teaches them to respect your child.

1% of children are psychopaths and that is for whom we preserve the right to tattle.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is you should tell the other kid to knock it off first. If they stop, you don’t tattle. If they continue, you tell an adult. 99% of children are normal and will stop when another child tells them to stop. This is good for both your child and the instigator - your child learns to defend themselves and to trust their own ability to confront wrongdoing with confidence. Or helps the instigator learn proper socializing and teaches them to respect your child.

1% of children are psychopaths and that is for whom we preserve the right to tattle.

+1

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is you should tell the other kid to knock it off first. If they stop, you don’t tattle. If they continue, you tell an adult. 99% of children are normal and will stop when another child tells them to stop. This is good for both your child and the instigator - your child learns to defend themselves and to trust their own ability to confront wrongdoing with confidence. Or helps the instigator learn proper socializing and teaches them to respect your child.

1% of children are psychopaths and that is for whom we preserve the right to tattle.

NP. A whole lot more than 1% of kids are immature and impulsive and learn to stop later than your kid. It may make them annoying and may get them in trouble frequently but it doesn't make them psychopaths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule is you should tell the other kid to knock it off first. If they stop, you don’t tattle. If they continue, you tell an adult. 99% of children are normal and will stop when another child tells them to stop. This is good for both your child and the instigator - your child learns to defend themselves and to trust their own ability to confront wrongdoing with confidence. Or helps the instigator learn proper socializing and teaches them to respect your child.

1% of children are psychopaths and that is for whom we preserve the right to tattle.

He does tell them to stop first. It’s way more than 1% that doesn’t stop.

[Anonymous]

Snitches get stitches, OP.

I do not encourage my kids to tattle unless someone is actually being harmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They should tell if it affects them directly. So telling on someone who tackled him was correct. NOT telling on Larla for saying mean things about someone else was also correct.

Ehhhhh… I see we’re coming from, but I don’t think you’re taking the bullying aspect into consideration. If your child sees that somebody else is getting hurt or bullied, then they should absolutely tell adult.

[Anonymous]

This is really tough. As an elementary school teacher, I had kids who wanted to report on everything, and teaching them how to know when was appropriate was really hard. Basically, it’s about if it affects you and if you told the other person to stop, if possible. However, for some things, like getting punched, that doesn’t apply and you should report it.

Involving other people, is someone being hurt, and is it a pattern? I think too many people get away with too many things because others don’t want to get involved.

I’d sit down with your kid and make a chart of things that are always reportable, and things like seeing another kid running in the hall that aren’t. Kids depend on adults to keep them safe and keep order, and pushing back against people who are mean and hurtful is what we all need to do.

There is also a nuance about reporting in private and telling in front of the whole class that some kids don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should tell if it affects them directly. So telling on someone who tackled him was correct. NOT telling on Larla for saying mean things about someone else was also correct.

Ehhhhh… I see we’re coming from, but I don’t think you’re taking the bullying aspect into consideration. If your child sees that somebody else is getting hurt or bullied, then they should absolutely tell adult.

Eh, I don't buy into the hype surrounding bullying, and think the person being bullied needs to be the one to tell someone. Everyone thinks ONE rude comment is bullying but it is actually systemic and relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They should tell if it affects them directly. So telling on someone who tackled him was correct. NOT telling on Larla for saying mean things about someone else was also correct.

Ehhhhh… I see we’re coming from, but I don’t think you’re taking the bullying aspect into consideration. If your child sees that somebody else is getting hurt or bullied, then they should absolutely tell adult.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher. I explain tattling as trying to get someone in trouble. Telling is getting someone help. If someone is hurting someone, breaking something, or being unsafe, you tell me.

Snitches get snitches drives me crazy. I teach in DC where the gun violence is often retaliation. If someone “snitched” on the guy with the gun the cycle might end.

[Anonymous]

What grade and how old is your son? It also matters whether he is big for his age/grade, average or small. A bigger than average 5th grader who gets playfully tackled and then tattles isn’t going to be well liked. But a smaller sized 2nd grade boy who gets tackled by a bigger/older kid not in a playful way- okay to complain

[Anonymous]

Snitches do get stitches, though.

A kid should only "tell" if someone is hurt or potentially in danger. Saving someone is one thing. Reporting on others after the fact is different and not okay, and if kids think it is okay, they continue with this "tattling" behavior into adulthood. We have someone at work who is constantly looking to "tell" on others; she monitors the performance of everyone else so that she can run to management and express her "concerns" whenever anyone messes up the tiniest little thing (I have a job where small mistakes are almost inevitable most days -- there is a lot of memorization involved). Management is working on getting rid of her.