Emotional relationship / affair - Where is the line

[Anonymous]

I have a PA assigned and she has been working with me close to 5 years.

Some fact patttern:

1. Initial years due to Covid, work and communication was mainly virtual
2. We get along very well and and she is deemed to be a very efficient and effective worker
3. Got closer over the years, we do have daily text chats sometimes into late at night. I checked my chat history, hardly no day with no chats
4. Conversation mainly 60-70% work but often spilled to about friends and common interest
5. Common interest is food and drinks also travel. We exchanged food places and sometimes we go for drinks especially when there is office event. She will wait for me and join together. But we don’t get stuck together and do mix around
6. Conversation never go into spousal issues (though she shared some issues on disagreements with hubby) nor sexual in nature.
7. She normally hop a lift from my car for official functions but not exclusive
8. We have regular business travel in groups or sometimes only two of us. Had time for dinner and drinks but never anything in appropriate, though once (she was high not drunk), we held hand together and held my arm. But after a while, we stopped maybe realizing it could lead to tricky situation.
9. She did share a lot about her past relationships. Think I know all her past relationships. Somehow I did share as well
10. In daily chats, most of the time, we also exchanged what we are doing and i almost know who she meets for dinner, tea or lunch etc.
11. One or two times, did touch some sensitive topics when she asked my advice for a Chinese name for her son. Hubby wasn’t happy so she did not pursue. I also learnt to avoid such tricky situation asking her to seek guidance from spouse rather. She also bought a car that I recommended although hubby disapproved.

I was just thinking where lines have been crossed. I have read about emotional affairs. There seem to be a blur line being good friends and emotional affairs. Appreciate thoughts and advice.

[Anonymous]

Just friend.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see anything wrong, but Does your wife know about your constant communication? That can make make a difference.

[Anonymous]

How would you like if your wife communicated with a guy by text late into the night? You know this is a slippery slope. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

This is how it can start. Innocently enough. Sorry, it can take away from your relationship with your spouse—-over time.

[Anonymous]

The holding hands…that crossed a line. And texting into the night, too.

[Anonymous]

I know a very well compensated VP at a local company who started an affair with his PA. They lived happily ever after once they were both fired and their marriages blew up. So who knows what could happen?

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask…

[Anonymous]

3,4,5,8, and 10 are weird for someone who reports to you.

[Anonymous]

I would say it crossed the line into an emotional affair once you started asking yourself “am I having an emotional affair?”

Emotional affairs are not about specific actions and not everyone agrees on the definition. But once you find yourself questioning whether your behavior is appropriate, you’ve probably already crossed YOUR line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say it crossed the line into an emotional affair once you started asking yourself “am I having an emotional affair?”

Emotional affairs are not about specific actions and not everyone agrees on the definition. But once you find yourself questioning whether your behavior is appropriate, you’ve probably already crossed YOUR line.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say it crossed the line into an emotional affair once you started asking yourself “am I having an emotional affair?”

Emotional affairs are not about specific actions and not everyone agrees on the definition. But once you find yourself questioning whether your behavior is appropriate, you’ve probably already crossed YOUR line.

This. You know it's wrong. I would work on reconnecting with your wife.

[Anonymous]

Would you hand your spouse your phone and happily let her read through all of your conversations? If no, then you have your answer.

[Anonymous]

Yep. emotional affair.
add your spouse to your text strings, and invite her to your outings if you insist it's not

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t call this an emotional affair. It’s straight up an affair. It sounds like the week of dating before we decided to have sex. There was nothing platonic about that time.

I don’t get why people like OP don’t file for divorce first. Do you enjoy stirring the pot and hurting your family?

Divorce is a lot less harmful to kids than cheating. Look it up.