Last night together before separating

[Anonymous]

This is kind of a strange question but I’m facing this soon. If you separated or divorced and it was kinda reasonably amicable after years of acrimony, how did you spend your last evening together? Did you go down memory lane and reminisce about the good times in the life you’d built together? Did you try to have a special meal or an old favorite one last time? Did you just keep things really low key and separately go about your business? If you had teens, was that a factor in some way? What did you tell yourself and how did you manage your emotions that last evening?

Here it’s been separate bedrooms for a long time, and there’s zero chance of one last romantic fling. But I’m trying to figure out what that last evening should look like.

[Anonymous]

Texting with new boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Usually one of you checked out of the relationship long before the other one. Possible that one isn’t really checked out even when the move-out is about to happen. That person might be all nostalgic and want to reminisce. But the one that checked out first won’t be the least interested.

Very common for the initiator of the divorce to have rewritten the entire history of the relationship in their head such that everything always sucked. Don’t bother asking them about “old times” because you will get gaslit with a weird interpretation of the past that does not align with your memories at all.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want to spend any time or conversation with him. I was making sure I had things done. I was getting ready for the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I didn't want to spend any time or conversation with him. I was making sure I had things done. I was getting ready for the next day.

Me too. He was sleeping in the basement by then so we had our separate space. I do remember after he moved out what a huge feeling of relief that washed over me. Peace, finally.

[Anonymous]

Their marriage had been over figuratively for a very long time and my dad only gave my mom a few days notice he was leaving. But their last day together my mother helped my dad pack his things and load his vehicle. It was the most friendly interaction I’d seen them have in years.

[Anonymous]

Help them pack? Or, you should go out tonight so they can pack alone.

[Anonymous]

If two people are on the road of divorce, last thing they want is to relive their horrible lives together.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to go for a walk and tell her what I appreciated about her. I told her that, months before establishing two residences. I don't think she really wanted that. Which contributed to me not wanting it. And it didn't happen.

There's still glimmers of our friendship. Which feels nice. Sometimes we laugh when we have a face-to-face conversation or one on the phone.

If you have teens, you'll keep interacting. Bring positivity and humor to those interactions and they might return it.

If they don't, you need to move on. Nurture new relationships.

[Anonymous]

I tried to approach it as the first night of the new reality, which for me was focused solely on our (then) teenaged child. I ended up taking child to dinner while STBX was working late.

It was actually a lovely dinner and it was a relief to have the connection with DC without all the overprinting controlling BS from STBX (like about food choices etc.). STBX said I heard you had a nice dinner and...then we went to separate bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is kind of a strange question but I’m facing this soon. If you separated or divorced and it was kinda reasonably amicable after years of acrimony, how did you spend your last evening together? Did you go down memory lane and reminisce about the good times in the life you’d built together? Did you try to have a special meal or an old favorite one last time? Did you just keep things really low key and separately go about your business? If you had teens, was that a factor in some way? What did you tell yourself and how did you manage your emotions that last evening?

Here it’s been separate bedrooms for a long time, and there’s zero chance of one last romantic fling. But I’m trying to figure out what that last evening should look like.

Who initiated the separation? Based on statistics I'll assume YOU (the wife) did so. Under this circumstance you got what you asked for and just move on. If he did ask for the separation then you are in an even better situation because you didn't ask for it he did.

[Anonymous]

We all knew my ex would be moving out mid-month, but he didn’t give us a specific date. At that point, he’d been going out every night for two years and we were used to his being gone in the evenings. When I realized I hadn’t seen him in two or three days, I asked him if he’d moved out. (He’d taken 1/3 of his clothing and nothing else, so I couldn’t tell for sure.) He said he had. I asked him why he didn’t let us know and he said he thought it would be easier this way. Doing things secretly and avoiding any discussion is his MO.

[Anonymous]

This is weird. You should not be separating. We had barely spoken in years by that point despite having little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If two people are on the road of divorce, last thing they want is to relive their horrible lives together.

Exactly! Which is why this is an odd post.

[Anonymous]

A little farewell slap and tickle, no strings attached.