If your spouse's parents divorced do you know why?

[Anonymous]

Not married yet but seriously discussing marriage.
His parents divorced when he was 13.

He was also divorced, his first marriage ended due to them being young and they eventually wanted different things.

I don't even know if it matters but his parents divorce has been on my mind lately.

Would you say this is relevant?

[Anonymous]

If you’re having doubts about the relationship or about him, focus on those, not on things like why his parents got divorced.

[Anonymous]

Not your business and not relevant. Some people will never know the actual reason(s) their parents divorced. I am divorced.

[Anonymous]

You'll never really know, even if you asked him and each of them in private you'd get three different stories.

Sometimes people whose parents are divorced have a better understanding of divorce and all its implications and are less likely to do it.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. But yes, I knew why my ex's parents divorced. He's told me many stories about what happened during that time and how he felt.

[Anonymous]

Divorced parents + a prior divorce is a recipe for disaster. I would definitely want to know what happened. If his dad cheated or was abusive, for instance, well you know what they say about the apple…

[Anonymous]

Up here. I guess I'm concerned because his parents are divorced and he's divorced. I guess I want to know if there's a pattern or connection.

[Anonymous]

Women file divorce in 80% of cases ai think. So in my humble opinion it is more likely that he or his dad did not ask for their divorce. But then women will argue that yes they file in 80% of cases but they are 99% correct.

Since women are the ones filing almost all the time the burden is sadly on men to explain what happened. And even worse his explanation will probably not be believed.

I do not think women who are divorced get the same scrutiny and I think they should. Women are not always right.

[Anonymous]

You know one thing, divorce is no bug deal for him so if it is for you, its going to be your burden to make this marriage work, could be tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women file divorce in 80% of cases ai think. So in my humble opinion it is more likely that he or his dad did not ask for their divorce. But then women will argue that yes they file in 80% of cases but they are 99% correct.

Since women are the ones filing almost all the time the burden is sadly on men to explain what happened. And even worse his explanation will probably not be believed.

I do not think women who are divorced get the same scrutiny and I think they should. Women are not always right.

I don’t understand this. Wouldn’t the woman’s friends and family ask the woman, and the man’s friends and family ask the man? Are you suggesting that people ask the partner who didn’t file the initial paperwork why they got dumped?

[Anonymous]

I didn't know my DH's mom was his dad's third wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll never really know, even if you asked him and each of them in private you'd get three different stories.

Sometimes people whose parents are divorced have a better understanding of divorce and all its implications and are less likely to do it.

Sure, sometimes. But people whose parents divorced have a much higher divorce rate themselves. Plus OP's future DH is already divorced which means statistically speaking she's right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. But yes, I knew why my ex's parents divorced. He's told me many stories about what happened during that time and how he felt.

The operative word here.

[Anonymous]

My MIL cheated on my FIL. He apparently said he’d forgive her but she said she didn’t want to give up her affair. They divorced. DH was deeply upset by this and has always blamed his mom. Their divorce didn’t worry me because DH told me early on that he would only marry if he believed it was forever. I have never for a minute worried that he’d cheat as he saw the hurt and pain it caused. We’ve been married 25+ years. Our marriage has never been perfect but I do not believe his parents behavior towards each other was a negative. If anything he is more determined to make it work.

[Anonymous]

I think the legacy of divorce plays out differently for different people.
I know 3 children of divorced parents who are in strong 20+ year marriages themselves. For them, their parents kept solid connections with the child(ren) and did not involve the child(ren) in their marital struggles.
I myself am the child of divorced parents, but my folks aired their dirty laundry everywhere and my borderline mother involved the children in parental alienation. This childhood did not play out well in our own marriages as adults.
My takeaway is that your parents are your emotional teachers. You go into a relationship knowing what it is to be loved and cared for because your parents gave you that. If you didn't get that emotional education, there's going to be a lot of guesswork and probably bad decisions.