Do you think parents who volunteer and donate more to schools deserve better treatment for their child?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

I get the feeling you’re like one of the volunteers at a fundraiser I run each year. Every year, I have to kindly remind her that her children may not take books from the fundraiser for free even if she is a volunteer.

No, dear. Your feeling is all wrong. And it is because of the company you keep. You have parents in your school who take books for "free" ? Tsk, tsk. This is poverty mentality.

The parent volunteers in our school who helped with book-fairs were buying books to donate to teachers, and to give to students who did not have money to buy books. They were also donating books from their own collection to keep the four LFLs in our school replenished.

Poverty is a not a virtue, it is a curse.

My experience is it's the rich parents who tend to steal the most. I went to private school as a kid and there were plenty of extremely wealthy kids who would steal things.

Your posts really come across as "I hate poor people." And it's extremely trashy.

I’m the poster who runs the book sale and yes, the volunteer whose children takes the books is —as far as I can tell— sufficiently well off to purchase books for her own family. She simply thinks because they aren’t expensive it can’t possibly be a big deal for her children to help themselves. Interestingly, the volunteers I get from lower income families have better behaved children and would never dream of stealing. It’s a small sample size, but an interesting one in the context of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Public schools should not give perks of any kind to families for any reason. Resources should be allocated equally to kids except in cases where they are specifically designated for a specific subset (like offering tutoring for kids with test scores below a certain level, or offering an enrichment for kids who have demonstrated higher aptitude and would therefore benefit). But those aren't perks, those are educational opportunities assigned to kids who qualify for them based on performance.

I think it's weird to see teachers saying "oh yeah I probably favor the kids whose parents I like tho most." Past 1st grade or so, this is not a thing. Most teachers in public schools seek to minimize interaction with parents (perhaps for this specific reason!) and I think are unlikely to form strong opinions either way, unless a kid is difficult in class and contact with the parents becomes a necessity. They aren't hobnobbing with parents to decide whose kids to favor.

Maybe that's a creepy private school behavior but the dynamics are different in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

And, now PP, you’re grasping for straws.

In theory, it would be nice if everyone in school paid a fee in the to cover all student expenses volunteer efforts and donations provide for …. And some schools do that. Or hell, make it a co-op and have a volunteer hours requirement for every family. Then, anything above and beyond is icing. Idk if that would ever work in public schools but I wouldn’t mind it in our extracurriculars where there is heavy parent influence on decision-makers and many kids go unseen for years.

If you think volunteers deserve perks and better treatment than people without extra time, thats up to you. Own it. Say you think rich people deserve more than poor people.

The statement above doesn’t make sense in reply to the PP. Noting that different families contribute in different ways is not an endorsement of perks for volunteers. It’s a basic observation about how parent involvement plays out across schools and activities.

What I actually said was that some communities use standardized fees or required volunteer hours to distribute the workload evenly. That’s a structural model, not a “rich people deserve more” philosophy. If you’re going to assign motives, at least anchor them in what was written rather than in a narrative you’ve created. And, I suggested taking a co-op model. What do you suggest as the solution to your issues with volunteerism?

Your proposal boils down to assessing a fee in either money or time for a free public service. If you are in a private school setting, then that may be appropriate. In a public school context the people with the least money are often. Also the people with the least time— they call it “the leisured classes” for a reason.

It is better for a school, not to have a play then to have a play staffed by parents who are expecting kickbacks.

You’re reducing what I wrote to something it wasn’t. Describing models that some communities use to distribute workload isn’t the same as proposing a fee for public education. It’s an example of how other systems handle the tension you’re pointing to.

And yes, in public schools, time and money are uneven. That’s exactly why relying on a handful of parents to carry entire programs creates the dynamic you’re objecting to. Pretending the solution is “no program at all” doesn’t fix inequity — it just eliminates opportunities for every kid, including the ones with the least access.

If you want to critique what I actually said, fine. But rewriting it into a caricature about “leisured classes” is avoidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

And, now PP, you’re grasping for straws.

In theory, it would be nice if everyone in school paid a fee in the to cover all student expenses volunteer efforts and donations provide for …. And some schools do that. Or hell, make it a co-op and have a volunteer hours requirement for every family. Then, anything above and beyond is icing. Idk if that would ever work in public schools but I wouldn’t mind it in our extracurriculars where there is heavy parent influence on decision-makers and many kids go unseen for years.

If you think volunteers deserve perks and better treatment than people without extra time, thats up to you. Own it. Say you think rich people deserve more than poor people.

The statement above doesn’t make sense in reply to the PP. Noting that different families contribute in different ways is not an endorsement of perks for volunteers. It’s a basic observation about how parent involvement plays out across schools and activities.

What I actually said was that some communities use standardized fees or required volunteer hours to distribute the workload evenly. That’s a structural model, not a “rich people deserve more” philosophy. If you’re going to assign motives, at least anchor them in what was written rather than in a narrative you’ve created. And, I suggested taking a co-op model. What do you suggest as the solution to your issues with volunteerism?

Your proposal boils down to assessing a fee in either money or time for a free public service. If you are in a private school setting, then that may be appropriate. In a public school context the people with the least money are often. Also the people with the least time— they call it “the leisured classes” for a reason.

It is better for a school, not to have a play then to have a play staffed by parents who are expecting kickbacks.

You’re reducing what I wrote to something it wasn’t. Describing models that some communities use to distribute workload isn’t the same as proposing a fee for public education. It’s an example of how other systems handle the tension you’re pointing to.

And yes, in public schools, time and money are uneven. That’s exactly why relying on a handful of parents to carry entire programs creates the dynamic you’re objecting to. Pretending the solution is “no program at all” doesn’t fix inequity — it just eliminates opportunities for every kid, including the ones with the least access.

If you want to critique what I actually said, fine. But rewriting it into a caricature about “leisured classes” is avoidance.

“Standardized fees” or “mandatory volunteer hours” boil down to the same thing: taking the most from people with the least, for what is supposed to be a free public service. No program at all isn’t the only solution— and I didn’t say it was— it is simply a preferable solution than a system where parents expect kickbacks to “volunteer”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

And, now PP, you’re grasping for straws.

In theory, it would be nice if everyone in school paid a fee in the to cover all student expenses volunteer efforts and donations provide for …. And some schools do that. Or hell, make it a co-op and have a volunteer hours requirement for every family. Then, anything above and beyond is icing. Idk if that would ever work in public schools but I wouldn’t mind it in our extracurriculars where there is heavy parent influence on decision-makers and many kids go unseen for years.

If you think volunteers deserve perks and better treatment than people without extra time, thats up to you. Own it. Say you think rich people deserve more than poor people.

The statement above doesn’t make sense in reply to the PP. Noting that different families contribute in different ways is not an endorsement of perks for volunteers. It’s a basic observation about how parent involvement plays out across schools and activities.

What I actually said was that some communities use standardized fees or required volunteer hours to distribute the workload evenly. That’s a structural model, not a “rich people deserve more” philosophy. If you’re going to assign motives, at least anchor them in what was written rather than in a narrative you’ve created. And, I suggested taking a co-op model. What do you suggest as the solution to your issues with volunteerism?

Your proposal boils down to assessing a fee in either money or time for a free public service. If you are in a private school setting, then that may be appropriate. In a public school context the people with the least money are often. Also the people with the least time— they call it “the leisured classes” for a reason.

It is better for a school, not to have a play then to have a play staffed by parents who are expecting kickbacks.

You’re reducing what I wrote to something it wasn’t. Describing models that some communities use to distribute workload isn’t the same as proposing a fee for public education. It’s an example of how other systems handle the tension you’re pointing to.

And yes, in public schools, time and money are uneven. That’s exactly why relying on a handful of parents to carry entire programs creates the dynamic you’re objecting to. Pretending the solution is “no program at all” doesn’t fix inequity — it just eliminates opportunities for every kid, including the ones with the least access.

If you want to critique what I actually said, fine. But rewriting it into a caricature about “leisured classes” is avoidance.

“Standardized fees” or “mandatory volunteer hours” boil down to the same thing: taking the most from people with the least, for what is supposed to be a free public service. No program at all isn’t the only solution— and I didn’t say it was— it is simply a preferable solution than a system where parents expect kickbacks to “volunteer”.

PP is arguing from ideology, not reality.

The “kickbacks” line is the tell. That isn’t equity language - it’s resentment. “Kickbacks” is projection: volunteers = insiders; insiders = corrupt; corrupt = getting perks.

So any mention of workload distribution gets filtered through that narrative. PP is defending a worldview, not engaging a point.

And PP’s worldview is simple: volunteer labor is exploitative and volunteers are self‑interested elitists. It’s convenient. It makes non‑involvement morally superior, removes responsibility for outcomes, and delegitimizes anyone else’s effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

And, now PP, you’re grasping for straws.

In theory, it would be nice if everyone in school paid a fee in the to cover all student expenses volunteer efforts and donations provide for …. And some schools do that. Or hell, make it a co-op and have a volunteer hours requirement for every family. Then, anything above and beyond is icing. Idk if that would ever work in public schools but I wouldn’t mind it in our extracurriculars where there is heavy parent influence on decision-makers and many kids go unseen for years.

If you think volunteers deserve perks and better treatment than people without extra time, thats up to you. Own it. Say you think rich people deserve more than poor people.

The statement above doesn’t make sense in reply to the PP. Noting that different families contribute in different ways is not an endorsement of perks for volunteers. It’s a basic observation about how parent involvement plays out across schools and activities.

What I actually said was that some communities use standardized fees or required volunteer hours to distribute the workload evenly. That’s a structural model, not a “rich people deserve more” philosophy. If you’re going to assign motives, at least anchor them in what was written rather than in a narrative you’ve created. And, I suggested taking a co-op model. What do you suggest as the solution to your issues with volunteerism?

Your proposal boils down to assessing a fee in either money or time for a free public service. If you are in a private school setting, then that may be appropriate. In a public school context the people with the least money are often. Also the people with the least time— they call it “the leisured classes” for a reason.

It is better for a school, not to have a play then to have a play staffed by parents who are expecting kickbacks.

You’re reducing what I wrote to something it wasn’t. Describing models that some communities use to distribute workload isn’t the same as proposing a fee for public education. It’s an example of how other systems handle the tension you’re pointing to.

And yes, in public schools, time and money are uneven. That’s exactly why relying on a handful of parents to carry entire programs creates the dynamic you’re objecting to. Pretending the solution is “no program at all” doesn’t fix inequity — it just eliminates opportunities for every kid, including the ones with the least access.

If you want to critique what I actually said, fine. But rewriting it into a caricature about “leisured classes” is avoidance.

“Standardized fees” or “mandatory volunteer hours” boil down to the same thing: taking the most from people with the least, for what is supposed to be a free public service. No program at all isn’t the only solution— and I didn’t say it was— it is simply a preferable solution than a system where parents expect kickbacks to “volunteer”.

PP is arguing from ideology, not reality.

The “kickbacks” line is the tell. That isn’t equity language - it’s resentment. “Kickbacks” is projection: volunteers = insiders; insiders = corrupt; corrupt = getting perks.

So any mention of workload distribution gets filtered through that narrative. PP is defending a worldview, not engaging a point.

And PP’s worldview is simple: volunteer labor is exploitative and volunteers are self‑interested elitists. It’s convenient. It makes non‑involvement morally superior, removes responsibility for outcomes, and delegitimizes anyone else’s effort.

Its also…backed up very well on a thread where people say overtly that they take perks for their families when they volunteer, or outright that they are the top of a hierarchical society because they have more money than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they should not. However, being involved is a way to develop one's background knowledge and awareness and that information sometimes leads to making a request that others wouldn't think to make.

Like what kind of request?

If you are around the school, the teachers tell you how things get done.

I never used this info for my benefit but one teacher told me how parents can try to get their kid into a certain teacher's room without asking for a specific teacher. Nobody is allowed to ask for a specific teacher.

Would you like to know the secret? It's pretty logical.

She said you tell your child's current teacher what qualities your kid needs in a teacher to do well in the following year. And then you describe the qualities of the teacher you want. The current year teacher has some input into the beginning of the class shaping for the following year. So you say "Janie needs a teacher with a quiet voice." Or "Janie needs a teacher who gives out more math homework". And maybe if stars align your kid gets a better chance if getting into a particular room.

There you go. That's the hot tip I earned for 13 years of PTA participation and volunteering.

I also, during a PTA meeting, heard a parent asking questions about accelerated classes/IEPs for students with beyond grade level skills that went right over my head. I remembered the question but did not understand until my kids got to high school. If I'd understood, I might have figured out how to get my kids bumped up a year in math classes. Because my district doesn't have any "gifted" programs, I didn't realize that accelerated options were possible. Turns out they were, but your testing needed to show you were 2 grade levels ahead in ability. I easily could have had my kids tutored to that standard. So that's an example of something that might have benefited me that I heard about at a PTA meeting that was open to anyone.

The return on time invested is pretty poor if you're just looking for an advantage for your kids. But no surprise that people who are paying attention occasionally learn useful things.

Also...this is a very important point...this knowledge is available to anyone who asks. Schools have limited resources and nobody wants more headaches so this stuff isn't always going to be widely publicized. But it's not a classist conspiracy.

Just ask. Speak up. Participate. Request. You may learn something useful and/or get something you want. That's basic civics.

Either I know you, our kids went to the same public ES and one teacher tells all her volunteer parents that, or this is a common pro tip. Because I definitely learned that tip along the way too.

Odds are you don't know me because I live 10 hours drive from DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

So full circle: your “nuance” is you think there shouldn’t be any special treatment except when its for your family and then it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

So full circle: your “nuance” is you think there shouldn’t be any special treatment except when its for your family and then it’s fine.

If that’s your takeaway, fine. I’ll still hot glue your daughter’s snow chorus costume decorations on before the show because they fell off. I’ll still hook up your son’s microphone battery pack. I’ll still sweep up all of the snow chorus confetti and glitter after the show as you guys go out for ice cream with your kids whose lines I whispered to them before they went on stage. Oh by the way the after performance clean up is a volunteer slot that also no one ever takes, and I do it since I’m already back there. And I see all of you leaving with your kiddos to go out to celebrate. So don’t tell me you don’t have time or that you can’t, and you won’t be missing the show to do this part either . You don’t want to. And that’s ok because it’s not mandatory! It’s a volunteer position! I do it because I don’t want the teacher/ director to stay late to do it, and get burned out, and decide not to do the show next year since no parents ever help her. So, you’re welcome! And remember, I never ask for or expect special treatment for my kids. You’re upset that I put my jacket down on a first come first serve seat when I got here first. Because I’m helping out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

So full circle: your “nuance” is you think there shouldn’t be any special treatment except when its for your family and then it’s fine.

If that’s your takeaway, fine. I’ll still hot glue your daughter’s snow chorus costume decorations on before the show because they fell off. I’ll still hook up your son’s microphone battery pack. I’ll still sweep up all of the snow chorus confetti and glitter after the show as you guys go out for ice cream with your kids whose lines I whispered to them before they went on stage. Oh by the way the after performance clean up is a volunteer slot that also no one ever takes, and I do it since I’m already back there. And I see all of you leaving with your kiddos to go out to celebrate. So don’t tell me you don’t have time or that you can’t, and you won’t be missing the show to do this part either . You don’t want to. And that’s ok because it’s not mandatory! It’s a volunteer position! I do it because I don’t want the teacher/ director to stay late to do it, and get burned out, and decide not to do the show next year since no parents ever help her. So, you’re welcome! And remember, I never ask for or expect special treatment for my kids. You’re upset that I put my jacket down on a first come first serve seat when I got here first. Because I’m helping out.

And, I for one, thank you and so many other volunteers like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

So full circle: your “nuance” is you think there shouldn’t be any special treatment except when its for your family and then it’s fine.

If that’s your takeaway, fine. I’ll still hot glue your daughter’s snow chorus costume decorations on before the show because they fell off. I’ll still hook up your son’s microphone battery pack. I’ll still sweep up all of the snow chorus confetti and glitter after the show as you guys go out for ice cream with your kids whose lines I whispered to them before they went on stage. Oh by the way the after performance clean up is a volunteer slot that also no one ever takes, and I do it since I’m already back there. And I see all of you leaving with your kiddos to go out to celebrate. So don’t tell me you don’t have time or that you can’t, and you won’t be missing the show to do this part either . You don’t want to. And that’s ok because it’s not mandatory! It’s a volunteer position! I do it because I don’t want the teacher/ director to stay late to do it, and get burned out, and decide not to do the show next year since no parents ever help her. So, you’re welcome! And remember, I never ask for or expect special treatment for my kids. You’re upset that I put my jacket down on a first come first serve seat when I got here first. Because I’m helping out.

And, I for one, thank you and so many other volunteers like you!

You are very welcome! I enjoy seeing the kids improve over the months and I enjoy knowing that I’m taking a weight off of the directors shoulders so she doesn’t throw in the towel before my youngest is able to join the club. And I offer hearty thanks to the parents who run the book fair that my kids love because I’m never doing that, I hate cash register work. And I thank the parents who don’t volunteer at all but whose kids come prepared, and polite, and they don’t snark at me for literally just being here sweeping up glitter after their kid and assuming that I’m doing it so my kid can be promoted from snow chorus member to “Elsa’s handmaiden” or something with 2 lines.

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Anonymous wrote:As a blanket statement, no. Some students have parents who are working 2 jobs, or are in foster care, and they should absolutely not be penalized for not having basically a SAHP who can volunteer 10 hours a week or a rich parent who can fund the entire PTA.

If we are allowed nuance- I do think that if a parent is an unusually helpful volunteer, or takes on volunteer tasks that one one wants (everyone wants to chaperone the cute half day field trip with their child, no one wants to volunteer to mop the cafeteria floors and take all the trash to the dump after the school carnival ends at 9pm), it should not be frowned upon if that kid's family maybe gets picked to run the most fun carnival booth, or maybe if a parent volunteers to be the backstage mom at a drama club performance- therefore not getting to watch her child perform, since she's backstage, this is a classic job that no one signs up for ever in our school's drama club- then that student's family (the other parent, etc) gets front row seats to the performance and a free copy of the DVD recording to show to the backstage mom afterwords.

So if you miss your kids performing because you have time to volunteer, you should get preferential treatment but if you have to earn money and miss it, tough.

That is pretty gross classism

It's because she VOLUNTEERED to miss her kid's performance in order to help the show go on. I am completely fine with that. Like how airlines offer you a few hundred bucks to give up your seat and take a different flight later in the day if they're overbooked.

Because people like that volunteer, your kid gets to be in the play, musical, performance, whatever. There is zero acknowledgment or gratitude from people like you. Your kid gets the experience and you don't have to do a thing and then you want to begrudge a small perk or token of gratitude from others? Sounds pretty selfish.

She VOLUNTEERED because she has the resources to do so. No job/flexible job. I don’t think we should give people with more resources more perks, as they have plenty already.

Dude - she has MORE RESOURCES because she worked hard all her life to create these resources for herself and her family.

A well-to-do mom in DMV with flex job/no job who is able to prioritize her kids was probably that good student in HS who was busting her ass studying Calc in HS instead of giving BJs to the loser behind the bleachers. Her high SES, her marriage, her 2 kids, her cleaning lady, her education, her net worth, her involvement with PTA, school theatre, kids EC activities...she has earned it all.

You have to pay the piper.

Ok? That doesn’t mean she had earned extra perks for volunteering or that she deserves front row seats for her family and a free DVD. If you’re being compensated its not volunteering.

It is not "extra perks" or "compensation". It is a courtesy and acknowledgement by school that volunteers do a lot of heavy lifting for the entire school. Lazy entitled parents who are just takers and are uncouth enough to question this are just POS.

… you’re getting a freebie. You can call it a “courtesy copy” or “acknowledgement” but you’re asking for something other people either don’t get or pay for.

I do plenty of volunteering, but would never think of taking something for free to “recognize” my work. That’s what’s uncouth.

I don't think you do any volunteering. No one is TAKING something for free. The school decides to acknowledge the unpaid work of volunteers because without them the school would not be able to put that show. You seem to be totally unaware of the amount of work that gets done by volunteers. You are the classic example of a "taker" parent. And that is why you are triggered because FOMO.

Anyways...keep on getting triggered. Your petty thinking is not going to change anything and it is amusing to think that you will continue to get triggered by your own thoughts.

The school didn’t decide anything. The poster said she takes four seats in the front row. That’s…taking. If the school wanted to recognize her, they would put little signs in it that said “save for the family of Mrs. Smith, the bestest volunteer in the whole wide world”

Dp. I think that is what usually happens. The school puts up a reserved sign if they do this at all.

And yet that isn’t what’s happening in the case of the poster who says she just reserved seats for her family. There’s no effort by the school to recognize her. She’s just taking something to recognize herself.

Sorry- me again- I’m back and missed these comments because I was backstage at the drama club rehearsal , no joke hah. Anyways many front row seats are saved by volunteers who show up early, it’s fine, there are hundreds of seats and the auditorium is usually only half full. It’s never standing room only. And I don’t care if you think I shouldn’t. The first year I came to do the kids mics backstage , the director/ teacher was like don’t forget to reserve a couple seats for your husband and other kids! It’s first come first serve for seats and that’s the one upside of being stuck back here doing mics and costume changes! Plenty of moms dropped their kids off tonight and picked them up later after going to the restaurant Nextdoor for apps and drinks actually. They could have volunteered back here with me and chose not to. They’re the types to possibly complain that my husband is sitting up front. But they also don’t help out. And remember my kids get no special treatment and shouldn’t get any! The post about the kid getting the lead role because his parents funded the play- gross. My kids have played such distinguished roles like “Oompa Loompa number 6” , and “snow chorus member” in recent productions. As they should. They’re not great actors 😂

So full circle: your “nuance” is you think there shouldn’t be any special treatment except when its for your family and then it’s fine.

If that’s your takeaway, fine. I’ll still hot glue your daughter’s snow chorus costume decorations on before the show because they fell off. I’ll still hook up your son’s microphone battery pack. I’ll still sweep up all of the snow chorus confetti and glitter after the show as you guys go out for ice cream with your kids whose lines I whispered to them before they went on stage. Oh by the way the after performance clean up is a volunteer slot that also no one ever takes, and I do it since I’m already back there. And I see all of you leaving with your kiddos to go out to celebrate. So don’t tell me you don’t have time or that you can’t, and you won’t be missing the show to do this part either . You don’t want to. And that’s ok because it’s not mandatory! It’s a volunteer position! I do it because I don’t want the teacher/ director to stay late to do it, and get burned out, and decide not to do the show next year since no parents ever help her. So, you’re welcome! And remember, I never ask for or expect special treatment for my kids. You’re upset that I put my jacket down on a first come first serve seat when I got here first. Because I’m helping out.

Seats.

You’re not doing any of this for my kid, we do theater in a program outside school which doesn’t rely in volunteers. Just know that there is always the option to volunteer and *not* take something “because I’m helping out”.

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Anonymous wrote:No, they should not. However, being involved is a way to develop one's background knowledge and awareness and that information sometimes leads to making a request that others wouldn't think to make.

Like what kind of request?

If you are around the school, the teachers tell you how things get done.

I never used this info for my benefit but one teacher told me how parents can try to get their kid into a certain teacher's room without asking for a specific teacher. Nobody is allowed to ask for a specific teacher.

Would you like to know the secret? It's pretty logical.

She said you tell your child's current teacher what qualities your kid needs in a teacher to do well in the following year. And then you describe the qualities of the teacher you want. The current year teacher has some input into the beginning of the class shaping for the following year. So you say "Janie needs a teacher with a quiet voice." Or "Janie needs a teacher who gives out more math homework". And maybe if stars align your kid gets a better chance if getting into a particular room.

There you go. That's the hot tip I earned for 13 years of PTA participation and volunteering.

I also, during a PTA meeting, heard a parent asking questions about accelerated classes/IEPs for students with beyond grade level skills that went right over my head. I remembered the question but did not understand until my kids got to high school. If I'd understood, I might have figured out how to get my kids bumped up a year in math classes. Because my district doesn't have any "gifted" programs, I didn't realize that accelerated options were possible. Turns out they were, but your testing needed to show you were 2 grade levels ahead in ability. I easily could have had my kids tutored to that standard. So that's an example of something that might have benefited me that I heard about at a PTA meeting that was open to anyone.

The return on time invested is pretty poor if you're just looking for an advantage for your kids. But no surprise that people who are paying attention occasionally learn useful things.

Also...this is a very important point...this knowledge is available to anyone who asks. Schools have limited resources and nobody wants more headaches so this stuff isn't always going to be widely publicized. But it's not a classist conspiracy.

Just ask. Speak up. Participate. Request. You may learn something useful and/or get something you want. That's basic civics.

Either I know you, our kids went to the same public ES and one teacher tells all her volunteer parents that, or this is a common pro tip. Because I definitely learned that tip along the way too.

Odds are you don't know me because I live 10 hours drive from DC.

Why you on here then bored?

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How is this even a question? No. Maybe it happens in private school but definitely not in public school