Feeling resentful after sacrificing for my DH’s career—how to restore balance?

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't read all eight pages, but sometimes you need to push back, or you are a pushover. Your DH will respect you more for it. Let him figure out how to resolve the issue while still keeping his promise to you. If you are worried pushing back will lead to a breakup, then you have bigger issues and should just face the music. IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't read all eight pages, but sometimes you need to push back, or you are a pushover. Your DH will respect you more for it. Let him figure out how to resolve the issue while still keeping his promise to you. If you are worried pushing back will lead to a breakup, then you have bigger issues and should just face the music. IMHO.

This is the answer to half the threads on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could try a mindset of gratitude and appreciation instead of only thinking of yourself.

The DH could be told the same, couldn’t he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have to give more info because people assume it has to do with childcare or that I’m some other poster who posted above moving. That’s not me and this has nothing to do with childcare.

So, I host a weekly event on Friday mornings from my home. It’s been ongoing most every Friday for years. Now all of a sudden my husband has a WFH option on Fridays. His workaround for me is to host Saturday, or later on Fridays, or from somewhere else, but that doesn’t work for the others, and I’m not interested in moving this to the weekend or somewhere else. He needs quiet, so my hosting is a conflict.

Someone asked what I would advise as a workaround, and that would be for HIM to WFH somewhere else on Fridays, but I can’t, because he’s the “breadwinner” and so his preference trumps mine.

But I was assured the house would be mine on Friday mornings. I was very clear in this, and he knew how important this was to me.

Did he actually say this or are you assuming?

Hold your boundary. Don't keep explaining it to him. Keep hosting the event on Fridays, and if he says anything, remind him this was the original agreement. Don't offer him solutions, he's a big boy and can figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't read all eight pages, but sometimes you need to push back, or you are a pushover. Your DH will respect you more for it. Let him figure out how to resolve the issue while still keeping his promise to you. If you are worried pushing back will lead to a breakup, then you have bigger issues and should just face the music. IMHO.

+100

Just do your thing and make him work around it.

Mom who was default parent by far from birth to about 10, despite earning more and having a harder job. I just made it work (and grew resentful) while he just assumed I had it handled (and thought he was doing his part because it was more than his dad did with a SAHM mom).

He was pretty much DOGEd and took early retirement and I started acting like a "dad" and planning things for me, expecting that the rest of the family would figure it out. Granted I do still confirm that dinner and activities will be handled, our child is old enough to be left alone for a few hours, and if my H has planned something, I work around it - but I don't jump thru hoops just to plan to go to a work happy hour or book club like I used to.

[Anonymous]

That’s nuts. He can go into the office Fridays or work from somewhere else. Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

I thought you were being cray. But with the update, he needs to figure it out so you can keep your Fri activity. He can work at the office or somewhere else. Or put on some headphones.

[Anonymous]

Occam’s razor suggests we are not dealing with a reliable narrator here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seen a lot of women step out of careers, my observations are:

- almost all were very happy to step out. They either did not have a career of which to speak. Or they were on the very early years of their careers before things escalated.

- But, to hold the moral upper hand, they all like to claim that they had 'big' careers AND they like to claim that leaving their career was not motivated by their own desires, and that it involved a lot of 'sacrifices.

- and they all seem to enjoy a lot of the perks of their hard working, high earning husbands.

So it seem bonkers to then turn around and complain and act like you aren't quite happy not working.

This^^^

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything. Plus, OP says she still works, so....?

She is still benefiting from a situation she could have never provided for herself.

[Anonymous]

if he needs silence, he can go to a pubic library.

Seriously, if this was me, I would keep with my weekly meeting and tell my DH (who makes exponentially more than me) to suck it. But we have a relationship where I am really direct and transparent so he might ask me to change the meeting, and I would say no, go to the library, and he would be ok and that would be the end of it.

[Anonymous]

He needs to solve how to meet the condition he agreed to. Not you.

[Anonymous]

"You should reschedule your Friday morning event"

"No, that's not happening"


Women discuss too much. Don't discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seen a lot of women step out of careers, my observations are:

- almost all were very happy to step out. They either did not have a career of which to speak. Or they were on the very early years of their careers before things escalated.

- But, to hold the moral upper hand, they all like to claim that they had 'big' careers AND they like to claim that leaving their career was not motivated by their own desires, and that it involved a lot of 'sacrifices.

- and they all seem to enjoy a lot of the perks of their hard working, high earning husbands.

So it seem bonkers to then turn around and complain and act like you aren't quite happy not working.

This^^^

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything. Plus, OP says she still works, so....?

She is still benefiting from a situation she could have never provided for herself.

Hopefully most married people are benefiting from a situation they never could have provided for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked that so many are telling OP to suck it up. She has One Thing, and there are no impediments to her continuing her One Thing. Why should she change it? I don't see the logic.

That One Thing doesn’t help with any bills. It’s not essential for the family to run smoothly. It’s just a hobby and can be changed around.

She is hosting the event in a house that is being paid for by her husband’s work that Friday. There’s no way her event is more important.

If she wants, she can take on the role of the breadwinner, drive to the office on Fridays while her husband has his friends over for a party. How would she feel about that?

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s time to serve the divorce papers to that selfish husband of yours. He’s holding you back. The house will be all yours after the divorce and you’ll be able to host your events peacefully.