Child is severely left out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went through something very similar when at intersection of 6th grade to 7 th grade and shattered her self esteem. The mean girl tried to exclude another girl, my DD stood up to her and she was excluded instead. The rest would not stand up to her. So, new friend group is needed. Think about changing schools. Think about getting her into counseling to help her learn how to navigate the difficult years of middle school. My daughter took up boxing classes for awhile and think that was helpful for her self esteem and to handle the big feelings that needed an outlet. She joined a girl scout troop based at another school- which helped too. She found a good friend at a sleep away camp based on a specific interest of hers that she still has as a closest friend years and years later. It is so hard to watch as a parent, but the more she can do to get out there by finding friends either outside the school or inside if it is a large school. Strongly suggest seeing if there is a high switch that will help for 9th grade. Changing schools lets her get a fresh start.

My DD went through all of this as well. Standing up for herself didn't work. Trading insults didn't work, the insults just escalated and got more cruel. We changed schools. She has so many friends now, looks forward to school, and none of this toxic BS happens any more. Some schools just allow these situations to fester and some just have a bunch of bad eggs that can't be fixed. Changing schools isn't a bad idea if you can. Every kid deserves a clean slate.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

You change schools. Immediately. You get her out of this situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to know the extent of the behavior. Is social media involved? Texting? If you discover that the depth of the bullying includes things like encouraging self harm, you go to the police and make this legal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. These girls probably have self esteem issues themselves and are excluding your daughter to make themselves feel better. It makes them feel good to have the power to exclude someone. It sucks for your daughter, but let her know she is not alone, it happens to a lot of kids. I am really hoping your DD can find new genuine friends.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

[Anonymous]

This sort of bullying is absolutely reprehensible and must cease immediately!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group.

DP. Did you report this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

For someone who "works in schools" you seem very unfamiliar with how information gets passed around and rumors started in schools.

I assume you are a counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group.

I don't know where your DD was in school, what school it was, or what their SOP's are for things like this (Standard Operating Procedures), but I can tell you that professionally, if a parent comes to a counselor at the school confidentially and explains the concerns but says clearly up front that the parent just wants advice for her daughter, not for anything to be said to the students, unless the students are literally physically or very publicly hurting the DD, most schools will talk to the relevant teachers and then talk to the parent again, or encourage the parent to meet with teachers.

Given what the original behaviors are that OP stated, I can't think of a legit counselor who would talk to the "friends" even if the parent said they didn't want them to. Also, a parent can always go in and say they have a situation but they don't want to name specific students yet, they really just want advice on what the counselor recommends.

These are all things parents can do that - again, barring physical or very public highly problematic behavior - can keep OP's questions to a counselor confidential.

What exactly did you say and who did you talk to at your DD's school PP? And what behaviors did you share? (This is anonymous and obviously any highly unique details, like "They made her wear a Darth Vader mask for a week" type of unusual specifics, you don't have to share.

So PP, what exactly did you tell your kid's counselor, what were the behaviors you reported, did you ask that the counselor keep it confidential, when did the counselor tell you they were telling the other girls, what was the counselor's role (there are a few different types), and what exactly did they do after?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.

The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.

Then she needs to stop expecting inclusion and look for new friends. Wanting to be with people or inviting to something where you aren’t wanted is painful. But she needs to change her perspective of wanting them to be her friends, and move on.

Expecting inclusion? These were her friends.

I see mom-of-a-mean-girl has found the string.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group.

I don't know where your DD was in school, what school it was, or what their SOP's are for things like this (Standard Operating Procedures), but I can tell you that professionally, if a parent comes to a counselor at the school confidentially and explains the concerns but says clearly up front that the parent just wants advice for her daughter, not for anything to be said to the students, unless the students are literally physically or very publicly hurting the DD, most schools will talk to the relevant teachers and then talk to the parent again, or encourage the parent to meet with teachers.

Given what the original behaviors are that OP stated, I can't think of a legit counselor who would talk to the "friends" even if the parent said they didn't want them to. Also, a parent can always go in and say they have a situation but they don't want to name specific students yet, they really just want advice on what the counselor recommends.

These are all things parents can do that - again, barring physical or very public highly problematic behavior - can keep OP's questions to a counselor confidential.

What exactly did you say and who did you talk to at your DD's school PP? And what behaviors did you share? (This is anonymous and obviously any highly unique details, like "They made her wear a Darth Vader mask for a week" type of unusual specifics, you don't have to share.

So PP, what exactly did you tell your kid's counselor, what were the behaviors you reported, did you ask that the counselor keep it confidential, when did the counselor tell you they were telling the other girls, what was the counselor's role (there are a few different types), and what exactly did they do after?

And this is why people say DON'T go to the counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello, i’ve gone through all the things you all have said to me. I’ve tried doing all of them, but things have only gotten worse. DD has tried making new friends, but her fake ones always look at her, laugh at her, and during class literally bully her, shove her out of the way, and tell her to “shut up.” Something that really breaks me is my DD has started doing self-harm (scratching herself until she bleeds) and is really stressed about her relationships along with grades as she’s been getting 60-70 on her tests recently. She has no motivation, and stays in her room all day no matter how hard we try making things fun or getting her out of her room. Is it time to email the counselor? Would that make things worse or better?

I'm not going to bother reading through the pages I haven't read yet to see if OP you ever went to the school counselor and your DD's teachers and what they said. These excuses on most recent page about going to the counselor making things worse, yes, that pretty much proves you're either somehow enjoying this crisis and have no interest in solving it, or you're a troll. It's absurd to not talk to school staff, and unless you yourself are a complete coward and somehow you're the one afraid to talk to them, again, this all points to troll posts.

I guess you're happy though, you got a good 9 pages of people taking you seriously. Well, correction, you're obviously not actually happy... if you were, you wouldn't be reduced to entertaining yourself with fake posts on DCUM to see how long you can string people along. That's actually the most pathetic part of all of this.

You obviously don’t know how this stuff works. OP said that going to a counselor would make things worse, because then the “friends” would be mad at OPs daughter and yes, that would be bad.

I work in schools. Explain to me exactly how OP going to the counselor, and also her DD's teachers to share what her concerns are and ask for advice, then translate into "trouble" for DD? Explain to me how the friends or exfriends or whatever they are now find out? You are very sure you know what you're talking about, so please educate me how a confidential conversation between OP and the counselor and a few of DD's teachers gets shared to or reported ot anyone in the friend group? Or any other way it "causes trouble for DD with her friends"?

I am PP, and it is because the counselor said “I will share information if someone is being mean to you, or hurting you.” Also, my daughter has been in this situation and without her consent the counselor met with her whole friend group. Her ex friends were horrible to her for the rest of the year, and my DDs reputation became horrible. Middle school girls always find ways to make things worse, and you don’t wanna be known badly by going up to the counselor. They do absolutely nothing except talk to your friend group.

I don't know where your DD was in school, what school it was, or what their SOP's are for things like this (Standard Operating Procedures), but I can tell you that professionally, if a parent comes to a counselor at the school confidentially and explains the concerns but says clearly up front that the parent just wants advice for her daughter, not for anything to be said to the students, unless the students are literally physically or very publicly hurting the DD, most schools will talk to the relevant teachers and then talk to the parent again, or encourage the parent to meet with teachers.

Given what the original behaviors are that OP stated, I can't think of a legit counselor who would talk to the "friends" even if the parent said they didn't want them to. Also, a parent can always go in and say they have a situation but they don't want to name specific students yet, they really just want advice on what the counselor recommends.

These are all things parents can do that - again, barring physical or very public highly problematic behavior - can keep OP's questions to a counselor confidential.

What exactly did you say and who did you talk to at your DD's school PP? And what behaviors did you share? (This is anonymous and obviously any highly unique details, like "They made her wear a Darth Vader mask for a week" type of unusual specifics, you don't have to share.

So PP, what exactly did you tell your kid's counselor, what were the behaviors you reported, did you ask that the counselor keep it confidential, when did the counselor tell you they were telling the other girls, what was the counselor's role (there are a few different types), and what exactly did they do after?

And this is why people say DON'T go to the counselor.

What are you referencing above, what is why people allegedly say don't go to the counselor?