Giving kids a down payment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

Wow-- thanks for sharing this! I had no idea. It never even occured to me to ask my parents for help when I bought my first house. I guess this shows just how out of reach entry level homeownership is right now. I had assistance from a DC first time homeownership program back in late 90s. May have been part of the ACORN program. So long ago, but I know it helped me by making the down payment 5% rather than 20%. I'm guessing such public programs aren't available anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we set up brokerage accounts for our kids many years ago. each of three kids have about 300k right now. they can use it anyway they want. we are not giving any more or paying for their wedding. we are done

+1

How much did the accounts start with and when did you give them access?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we set up brokerage accounts for our kids many years ago. each of three kids have about 300k right now. they can use it anyway they want. we are not giving any more or paying for their wedding. we are done

Love this!

PP, can you share a bit more on this one? Do you manage it, does your kids know about this? How, when will they be able to access the fund?

yes, i manage all three of their accounts. kids are fully aware (but don't know exact amount). each account has two parts - ROTH retirement portion and regular brokerage portion. they can access brokerage portion any time they want. we told them they can take it over when and if they want to take that responsibility from us. my "hope" is they will let it just grow and don't even think about it but if they want to use it for downpayment, it's their call. all three are fully employed and making good money so this is kinda out of sight, out of mind situation for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. We’ve paid for college and grad school for all, nice weddings for the three who got married, and yes provided down payment assistance to the ones who bought houses. In one instance, we even set up a private mortgage for one of the kids—where we were the lender—because they had just got out of college and landed a nice job and a great condo had just gone on the market at a good price right where they were going to work. They had the qualifying income but hadn’t been working long enough to qualify for a bank loan. A year or two later they refinanced and got a bank loan and paid us off.

The point is, you do what you can and adjust to the circumstances. Giving each kid a set $100k amount for a “down payment” is stupid—you wait and see what the actual need is and help then. And when doing it you don’t keep score.

Chances are someone is keeping score. I mean a kid who gets married and buys a house gets $150k or more and another kid who is renting and dating gets nothing? I don’t think it’s stupid to give the same amount to everyone whenever you are handing out these sums.

We have a kid who rents and will forever be single (by firm choice) and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we help out her siblings who have made different choices. We’ve helped her out plenty and always will and she knows it. She’s quite happy knowing that her little nieces and nephews have nice places to live. I’m sorry to disappoint, but not every family on DCUM is dysfunctional.

Why does it matter the form of how your kid puts a roof over their head? Her nieces and nephews would still have a roof over their heads if that kid rented.

This is what I don’t get…why wouldn’t you give the equivalent down payment to a child who plans to invest it and rent. That could easily be a better use of money than owning a condo.

My kid with children wanted to buy a house in the neighborhood she was renting in and had more than enough income to qualify but not enough down payment. So we helped with that. My single kid who is renting is not looking for a house or a condo right now, but when she does, we will help her too. In the meantime, we are not keeping score. We help when necessary and when asked. I just don’t understand why it’s so complicated. My kids don’t care.

I mean you aren’t exactly the best judge of whether your kids care? In my family my parents paid for my sibling’s two kids to go to private school (k-12) and never offered anything to us. I wouldn’t say I resent it — I consider any gifts from my parents to be bonus and not anything to expect— but it occasionally occurs to me it might have been nice to have been asked if we were interested in help for private school.

Well your parents were idiots for paying for any kid to go to private school. No way in hell would we do that.

So then you don't do that. But it's not stupid to pay for education, if the parents can afford it. What's wrong is them not offering to do it for all grandkids, IMO. You don't play favorites.

Yea for them. I’m not that poster. I would never pay for private school tuition for any of my grandkids. So it’s not my issue.

But if you choose to offer it for one, you should offer similar for all of them. Unless the one who requires it has special needs/learning issues of some sort and that is why private school would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

Yes! Plus if you work in a highly educated, well compensated field (think Tech, business, professional), the people you know are likely also well educated, make good money, etc. So they will be doing similar with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

Ignore the 78% then. 40-50+ % is still a staggering percent. And that’s nationwide. DC area it’s probably 75%+ with all the family $ floating around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

DP. It makes sense because see the vast majority of GenZ who buy property have help. That’s significant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have four kids. We’ve paid for college and grad school for all, nice weddings for the three who got married, and yes provided down payment assistance to the ones who bought houses. In one instance, we even set up a private mortgage for one of the kids—where we were the lender—because they had just got out of college and landed a nice job and a great condo had just gone on the market at a good price right where they were going to work. They had the qualifying income but hadn’t been working long enough to qualify for a bank loan. A year or two later they refinanced and got a bank loan and paid us off.

The point is, you do what you can and adjust to the circumstances. Giving each kid a set $100k amount for a “down payment” is stupid—you wait and see what the actual need is and help then. And when doing it you don’t keep score.

Chances are someone is keeping score. I mean a kid who gets married and buys a house gets $150k or more and another kid who is renting and dating gets nothing? I don’t think it’s stupid to give the same amount to everyone whenever you are handing out these sums.

We have a kid who rents and will forever be single (by firm choice) and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we help out her siblings who have made different choices. We’ve helped her out plenty and always will and she knows it. She’s quite happy knowing that her little nieces and nephews have nice places to live. I’m sorry to disappoint, but not every family on DCUM is dysfunctional.

Why does it matter the form of how your kid puts a roof over their head? Her nieces and nephews would still have a roof over their heads if that kid rented.

This is what I don’t get…why wouldn’t you give the equivalent down payment to a child who plans to invest it and rent. That could easily be a better use of money than owning a condo.

My kid with children wanted to buy a house in the neighborhood she was renting in and had more than enough income to qualify but not enough down payment. So we helped with that. My single kid who is renting is not looking for a house or a condo right now, but when she does, we will help her too. In the meantime, we are not keeping score. We help when necessary and when asked. I just don’t understand why it’s so complicated. My kids don’t care.

I mean you aren’t exactly the best judge of whether your kids care? In my family my parents paid for my sibling’s two kids to go to private school (k-12) and never offered anything to us. I wouldn’t say I resent it — I consider any gifts from my parents to be bonus and not anything to expect— but it occasionally occurs to me it might have been nice to have been asked if we were interested in help for private school.

Well your parents were idiots for paying for any kid to go to private school. No way in hell would we do that.

So then you don't do that. But it's not stupid to pay for education, if the parents can afford it. What's wrong is them not offering to do it for all grandkids, IMO. You don't play favorites.

Yea for them. I’m not that poster. I would never pay for private school tuition for any of my grandkids. So it’s not my issue.

But if you choose to offer it for one, you should offer similar for all of them. Unless the one who requires it has special needs/learning issues of some sort and that is why private school would be better.

Right I’m not saying I disagree. We both agree: those parents suck. But they’re not me, and she is using her experience with them to say that I’m doing something wrong and I haven’t done anything remotely resembling that so she can piss off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

DP. It makes sense because see the vast majority of GenZ who buy property have help. That’s significant!

Except if less than 5% of all GenZ are homeowners…it’s just a small number. Honestly, it’s more impressive that 22% have no help and are buying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

DP. It makes sense because see the vast majority of GenZ who buy property have help. That’s significant!

Except if less than 5% of all GenZ are homeowners…it’s just a small number. Honestly, it’s more impressive that 22% have no help and are buying.

You shouldn’t just make up stats and BOTH numbers can be telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just as a data point: My parents gave my sister and me $500,000 each for a downpayment. I do have a prenup with my spouse (sister is not married).

You got $500k from mom.and dad to buy a house? Wow.

That shouldn't shock you. Many parents do that who have the funds. Much bigger impact on the kid's lives giving it now than when the parents die (and the kids are 50-60+).

Well, “many” is subjective. It might seem like “many” around here, but I guarantee you that it is the very smallest fraction of parents who are able to do this.

For first time homebuyers - a national study found 40% of US adults got family help in 2025. In 2023 another study found 54% of millenials got help and 78% of gen z.

So yeah I’d say many, nationally, not just around here.

I think the oldest GenZ is 28, so that means they were 26 in 2023 (and as young as 11).

It’s fair to say that only a very small %age of GenZ were homeowners in 2023, so the 78% is a bit misleading.

DP. It makes sense because see the vast majority of GenZ who buy property have help. That’s significant!

Except if less than 5% of all GenZ are homeowners…it’s just a small number. Honestly, it’s more impressive that 22% have no help and are buying.

You shouldn’t just make up stats and BOTH numbers can be telling.

You shouldn't talk out of your ass and probably not comment...turns out 5% was massively generous:

Age Range (Years) % of Homeowners
Under 25 0.8%
25 – 29 3.1%

https://ipropertymanagement.com/research/homeownership-rate-by-age

[Anonymous]

I'm a millennial and bought my house at 24. My family "helped me", with about $5k after we told them. I think a lot of people get "help", but it doesnt mean it's $100k+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a millennial and bought my house at 24. My family "helped me", with about $5k after we told them. I think a lot of people get "help", but it doesnt mean it's $100k+.

Same. Bought my first house right out of school during the Great Recession at a steep discount and traded up a few times—no family help. We older Millenials had it made with a recession for our first home purchase followed by a period of super low interest rates to trade up or refinance.