Advice to your younger soccer parent self

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dont need to be friends with other parents on your kids team. I'm on kid #2 in club soccer and genuinely can't stand anyone. The parents, the mean girl kids, the coaches, etc, etc. But they dont know this. They all think Im just the quiet parent that sits to the side during games.

I sit back and watch the women (and sometimes men) turn on each other depending on who's kid is starting. What a fake bunch of baloney.

The intensity of parents sometimes shows up at practice. It also sometimes looks like an “Oh, I don’t care” attitude with the adults at the game. But, once practice/game is over turning your intensity on the kid to make sure they analyze every move and consider how it could be improved. Asking who was at practice and which athlete is top/better- generally pushing the kid HARD to achieve and dominate.

It’s really hard. I cant help myself, so I try to just not watch practice. It creates a much better atmosphere for me and my kid. At games, parents negativity can be infectious. I probably seem isolated, but I do much better just sort of watching quietly by myself. I am a social person, but I can feel the energy of others and do better just removing myself. I am definitely not the ideal parent, just trying to find ways to manage myself better. They really just want to have fun, do well, and improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dont need to be friends with other parents on your kids team. I'm on kid #2 in club soccer and genuinely can't stand anyone. The parents, the mean girl kids, the coaches, etc, etc. But they dont know this. They all think Im just the quiet parent that sits to the side during games.

I sit back and watch the women (and sometimes men) turn on each other depending on who's kid is starting. What a fake bunch of baloney.

The intensity of parents sometimes shows up at practice. It also sometimes looks like an “Oh, I don’t care” attitude with the adults at the game. But, once practice/game is over turning your intensity on the kid to make sure they analyze every move and consider how it could be improved. Asking who was at practice and which athlete is top/better- generally pushing the kid HARD to achieve and dominate.

It's like a hunger games but the prize everyone is fighting for is a social media post. Having been through it a while now it's actually quite entertaining to just watch the parents from the sidelines all jockeying for position to be part of the "in" group. I wish they all knew how silly they look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dont need to be friends with other parents on your kids team. I'm on kid #2 in club soccer and genuinely can't stand anyone. The parents, the mean girl kids, the coaches, etc, etc. But they dont know this. They all think Im just the quiet parent that sits to the side during games.

I sit back and watch the women (and sometimes men) turn on each other depending on who's kid is starting. What a fake bunch of baloney.

The intensity of parents sometimes shows up at practice. It also sometimes looks like an “Oh, I don’t care” attitude with the adults at the game. But, once practice/game is over turning your intensity on the kid to make sure they analyze every move and consider how it could be improved. Asking who was at practice and which athlete is top/better- generally pushing the kid HARD to achieve and dominate.

How do you know what other parents are asking their kids in the car. I think you're confessing

[Anonymous]

Don’t talk bad about other kids, the coach, the manager, or the refs.

[Anonymous]

if you are not close to an ECNL club, move to be close to one

[Anonymous]

Lots of sunscreen on you and your child, ignore other parents and stay in the shade!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dont need to be friends with other parents on your kids team. I'm on kid #2 in club soccer and genuinely can't stand anyone. The parents, the mean girl kids, the coaches, etc, etc. But they dont know this. They all think Im just the quiet parent that sits to the side during games.

I sit back and watch the women (and sometimes men) turn on each other depending on who's kid is starting. What a fake bunch of baloney.

The intensity of parents sometimes shows up at practice. It also sometimes looks like an “Oh, I don’t care” attitude with the adults at the game. But, once practice/game is over turning your intensity on the kid to make sure they analyze every move and consider how it could be improved. Asking who was at practice and which athlete is top/better- generally pushing the kid HARD to achieve and dominate.

It's like a hunger games but the prize everyone is fighting for is a social media post. Having been through it a while now it's actually quite entertaining to just watch the parents from the sidelines all jockeying for position to be part of the "in" group. I wish they all knew how silly they look.

I'm not sure what the "in" group is but the only point (of so many points) is if your daughter is trying to get recruited with some scholarship money and play at a good school in college...SOMEHOW SOMEWAY find a way to be realistic. If your kid is really good go for it and battle through all of it...injuries, politics, coaches, teammates and help them the best you can. If she gets 80 percent of what she wanted she wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice I would give my younger self:

1. Have fun and enjoy the memories that you will have with your son.

2. No matter the time of day, time of year, weather, or location (indoors or outdoors), always make sure to put on sunblock. Very Important for the kids, but is even more important for the parents.

3. Make sure to find a team at a young age with a good coach, nice kids, and whose parents you enjoying spending time with. Please refer to rule #1.

4. Find a team who has kids and parents that want to play as much as your kid. Pickup games, after practice, on holidays or whenever there is a free night or weekend, are important and they should include kids and parents. Please refer to rule #1.

5. Find the shade. On every field there is shade somewhere, even if it is the shadow of a light post. Find the shade and watch the game from there. PS. Buy a very large umbrella as this can be used to create and maintain shade. And also functions to repel rain.

6. Don’t talk about soccer with non-soccer parents. They just won’t understand what you are going through.

7. Don’t make getting a scholarship a goal. If a scholarship is the goal, have your son play the tuba. 80% of tuba players get scholarships compared to 3% of soccer players.

8. Enjoy it while it lasts as someday travel soccer will end. If they learn to enjoy the game, they will want to play and push themselves. They may play in college or professionally or maybe they will just play on weekends with their friends. But if you did it right, you and your son will have great memories and have made some great friends along the way.

-- THIS IS my favorite of all the responses so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You dont need to be friends with other parents on your kids team. I'm on kid #2 in club soccer and genuinely can't stand anyone. The parents, the mean girl kids, the coaches, etc, etc. But they dont know this. They all think Im just the quiet parent that sits to the side during games.

I sit back and watch the women (and sometimes men) turn on each other depending on who's kid is starting. What a fake bunch of baloney.

The intensity of parents sometimes shows up at practice. It also sometimes looks like an “Oh, I don’t care” attitude with the adults at the game. But, once practice/game is over turning your intensity on the kid to make sure they analyze every move and consider how it could be improved. Asking who was at practice and which athlete is top/better- generally pushing the kid HARD to achieve and dominate.

It's like a hunger games but the prize everyone is fighting for is a social media post. Having been through it a while now it's actually quite entertaining to just watch the parents from the sidelines all jockeying for position to be part of the "in" group. I wish they all knew how silly they look.

Hive five - that's me now too LOL. I'm very happy to sit up on a hill by myself with a better actual view of games and occasional practices. I have enough **** going on that I'd really not worry about "social status" within the club hah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD and soccer don’t work. That’s what I learned.
My child can’t learn soccer (and my other child who was also diagnosed, isn’t hyperactive but has another specific type of adhd). Meds for evening practice isn’t the priority either.

I coached as well. My worst parent experience was sadly for a completely off the rails adhd child. Like actively kicking our scrimmage ball FAR FAR away.

In addition, I had a young team 2 years ago and it boggles my mind. Almost every kid was unfocused. The best player at that age, technically and team-wise was a very smart Indian child.

I just posted above. My DD who plays D1 ACC soccer (she's also a YNT regular) has ADHD. Soccer and physical activity is her medication. She couldn't really "learn soccer" when she was young (completely unfocused/energetic), but she absolutely loved the ball. She had very good technical coaches that didn't really coach "how" to play soccer (there were no systems taught, no fixed "positions" at a young age, etc.). She used to go out on the field and just dribble all over the place, trying to emulate Ronaldinho, etc. Her coaches encouraged that love of the ball and wanted her (and all the young players) do be creative and learn to be comfortable with the ball, with both feet, etc. By age 10 - 12, she was focused enough to understand more about the game and by her teens years it was a whole different story.

But if she had been placed with a team that told her what position to play and where she should pass the ball when she received it, she probably would have lost interest at a young age.

So, maybe advice to parents of younger players with ADHD, find the right coach/team! Actually, all young kids should be encouraged to dribble, to be comfortable with the ball, to be creative and have fun. None of this pass-pass, pass-pass, limited touches at a young age. They can be taught that style of play later...

- This is also valuable information. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I would tell my younger soccer parent self to pay closer attention to who is giving me soccer advice

[Anonymous]

My ADHD boy is playing in college next year. Soccer was his medicine and it cured him.

Another note: if we knew he’s playing soccer in college, we should’ve taken it more seriously, getting private training and better prevention of injuries, and driving him to a farther club which is ECNL or MLS Next instead of our local club.

[Anonymous]

I know it's tempting to flirt with the cute, younger coach, but don't do it. Ex-DH has much more custody than I do and it's all my fault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD and soccer don’t work. That’s what I learned.
My child can’t learn soccer (and my other child who was also diagnosed, isn’t hyperactive but has another specific type of adhd). Meds for evening practice isn’t the priority either.

I coached as well. My worst parent experience was sadly for a completely off the rails adhd child. Like actively kicking our scrimmage ball FAR FAR away.

In addition, I had a young team 2 years ago and it boggles my mind. Almost every kid was unfocused. The best player at that age, technically and team-wise was a very smart Indian child.

NP. My kid with ADHD is playing in college now and I view it as the thing that kept him focused. It is his hyper focus.

[Anonymous]

I have a son playing in college now. My list:

1. Do not worry about team level under age 13. My college player is playing at a far higher level now than any of the top team kids in his club at age 10 or so. He played on lower level teams until he was around 14. Development is more important. Find the coach that teaches touches.

2. In an area with lots of clubs, move clubs. Kids need to learn to be flexible and learn with different styles. Kids who stick with one coach/club the whole way through will have a harder time in college.

3. I was shocked to see how the donor/patronage system works in college athletics. Don’t be surprised by it. The issue is that there is a large group of kids who are very good and very few spots, especially on the boys side. Coaches can and do pick kids who come with large donations to the college. If two kids are approximately the same skill-wise, the one who has connections to the board will get in. Note that I’m not sure how this will work now that there are roster limits, but the rosters are still big enough to effectively field a shadow team, so I doubt it will stop.

4. If a team goes to a lot of tournaments under age 13 or so, pick a different team. Skills development doesn’t happen in tournaments. They are just for fun. Once a season is plenty.

5. Kids who don’t watch soccer won’t learn tactics. Also, it’s an indication of interest. If your kid doesn’t follow soccer at all, I don’t think it will work out long term at the college/pro level.

6. This is going to make the soccer crazies on this board insane but: MLSNext is overrated for boys. If your kid is getting good coaching and exposure on an ECNL team, that might be fine.

7. Men’s D1 college soccer is largely about the transfer portal and internationals these days. Consider community college at one of the top soccer programs in California (also a gamble but opens the UCs).

8. If you are getting advice from someone who has a son in college and you have a girl, it’s likely to be inaccurate and vice versa. They are almost different sports when it comes to college.

9. Invest early on in shade products: pop up tents, large umbrellas, tent shades, very wide brim hats, etc. Your skin will thank you.