How much $$ are the Grooms parents expected to contribute to wedding costs?

[Anonymous]

The parent of the partner who needs the marriage more pays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you asking this as the groom's family? Ask your son what he thinks. But I do think it is outdated to assume that the bride's family will pay for 100% of the wedding.

If the bride's family is paying, it's almost always because the bride's family is significantly better off than the groom's, and by paying for the wedding, they can drive more of the decisions (like the location, the venue, the guest list). I've had girlfriends whose father offered to fully pay ONLY if they hosted in their hometown and they turned it down.

No. Why would you ever think that you know anything about weddings and how they’re done.

It’s a long standing tradition that the bride’s family pays for the wedding and the groom's family pays for a dinner and maybe a honeymoon. Many families have dropped these traditions for a thousand different reasons. Many families also still follow tradition.

My father paid for the wedding and my father in-law paid for honeymoon and dinner. Both of our fathers are very traditional and wouldn’t have it any other way. My husband and I made all of the decisions without interference. We will continue the tradition.

So many cynical people.

And in turn, you will be a free caregiver for your parents. The joke will be you once that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our son got married we payed for the rehearsal dinner and offered to help pay for the wedding. They graciously turned us down so we gave the bride and groom a very large wedding check. Every case is different based on finances. Many couple now pay for their own weddings if they are high earners.

So they were 'gracious' because they didn't accept your noney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parent of the partner who needs the marriage more pays.

What do u mean by 'needs marriage more?'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of you who expect your kids to pay for their own weddings: I certainly hope you don't expect for your family to be invited. A wedding is a family event. Expecting the bride and groom to automatically pay for an entire family gathering is chintzy and cheap. Especially when I know most of you fools earn at least double what my family does.

So does this mean the groom’s family doesn’t get invited either? Because plenty of grooms’ parents don’t spend a dime, and not only aren’t emotionally blackmailed but also given a near unlimited guest list.

[Anonymous]

I think they should pay 50%. And if the bride's family isn't interested, the groom's family can give the money to the couple for a downpayment.

I think it's really sexist to say that a bride's family needs to pay.

FWIW my parents gave us 20k, inlaws $1500 and we paid the rest. I will give my kids a set amount similar to whatever 20k is now when they get married.

[Anonymous]

Most don’t pay anything. Some cover rehearsal dinner. Couple should pay their own way.

[Anonymous]

Couples should not wait. If they are paying, they are likely waiting too long. Saving and waiting. Wait too long and they'll be paying for expensive infertility treatments. Let your parents pay. If they offer, your parents want to pay. They want you to get on with your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do groom's parents still pay for rehearsal dinner only or split the wedding costs? What is normal now?

How attractive is the girl compared to your son's level of hotness ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These day most couples pay for their own wedding festivities.

Not in my WASPY family. Parents are still paying for everything. It is a way to "transfer" wealth. It is like helping out with the downpayment for house.

Only idiot WASPs think a blowout wedding is a wealth transfer. Most everyone in my circle is sinking it into real estate or brokerages for their kids.

+1. A house (appreciating asset) is very different than a wedding party (expense)

If there was a list of dumbest things said on DCUM it would be a long list but PP's statement that paying for a wedding is a way to transfer wealth would definitely be on it. Unless you mean transferring your wealth to the florist, photographer, caterer....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Very few weddings are $250k, even in UMC DMV circles. I don’t believe you.

I assure you that you are wrong. Since last September I attended (or know bride or groom’s family for) four. My DD is in two in the next year. Many, many weddings in the DMV are $250k or more. Ask any local wedding planner, or stop by any of the local country clubs or luxury hotels.

The average wedding cost in Bethesda is around $50k. Potomac trends higher at $80k for 200 guests…add in flowers, entertainment et al and let’s say you get to $125k.

It’s safe to say that some weddings cost $250k…but many, many is probably hyperbole.

No way those #s are accurate post COVID. I was getting quoted $40K for a restaurant buyout wedding for 40-60 people in DC and that excluded extras like flowers.

Zero chance you can do 200 guests for $125K in this area unless you’re doing it over an hour outside of the metro area and not on a Sat night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When our son got married we payed for the rehearsal dinner and offered to help pay for the wedding. They graciously turned us down so we gave the bride and groom a very large wedding check. Every case is different based on finances. Many couple now pay for their own weddings if they are high earners.

So they were 'gracious' because they didn't accept your noney?

NP. Yes. If you can’t pay for your own wedding, your expectations need to be cut back or you’re not ready to get married. Parents can gift money but don’t pay for wedding or honeymoon. Your daughters arent chattel anymore. I’ve warned my children off parents who offer to pay for weddings. They either want to control you or show you off like a trophy. Either way, it’s gross.

[Anonymous]

What happened to traditions with money dances and cash bars?

[Anonymous]

We’ve told our young adult son and daughter we will give them both the same and they are welcome to use it for a wedding or down payment or a combination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the South Asian poster. We started saving for our own retirement and college for two kids - from our first jobs, before we even got married. It was forced frugality and in some ways, I resented seeing my money go in what seemed like the black hole of savings and investment.

The whole paying for weddings, paying for 1st new sedan, paying for set up of first apartment and first professional wardrobe, helping with downpayment to first real estate purchase etc...this started happening when our savings and investments - compounded. All of these are frosting on the cake. The main investment was only for retirement and state college.

$350 k for a wedding? What in the world is your income? Is there an expectation now that DIL will provide care for you as you get older?

Ufff...this was a happy and emotional spending by a doting South Asian father for his only DD. This money for our kids weddings have been saved all our lives, even before we had children. But, if we had needed it for retirement, college, medical needs, housing or helping anyone in our extended family - we would have used it for that. We are not stupid and we know the value of money.

My kids and their spouses need to look after their own families and start saving money, start investing money and start planning for their kids. The financial leg-up only works if the beneficiaries use it to get ahead.

I cannot imagine having my DIL take care of us. It is not her responsibility. She needs to take care of her parents. Our biological children may need to one day provide oversight and supervision for our care. But I cannot imagine them actively, physically or financially taking care of us. I hope by the time we need care, there will be AI powered robots who could do the elderly care stuff.