Is dating just a means to an end for 50+ men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

I totally disagree with your initial premise .

Would you leave someone you loved if their medical condition prevented them from having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

I don’t think she’s investing a lot of time chatting or texting before the first date. I know she goes dancing a lot for first dates.

That is no way to get to know someone. The main event must allow for conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.

To answer your question since I really can't offer a woman who is seeking a serious relationship anything given how squeezed I am financially and also being an executive in my mid 50s, I just date casually and expect sex as soon as possible. And I am upfront about it, I won't lie to any woman. Sure I make $425k, but I have 3 kids in college and ex-wife to support. So relationship is just not reasonable.

Relationships are not a financial agreement. It is sad (and disrespectful of women) that you think that is all they are based on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

I totally disagree with your initial premise .

Would you leave someone you loved if their medical condition prevented them from having sex?

NP and a woman, but I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that it is much more common for men to leave their wife when she is diagnosed with cancer or other debilitating disease. Here's a source: https://www.fredhutch.org/en/news/center-news/2009/11/sickness-and-health.html

I do believe that most men, unless elderly, would not happily remain in a relationship without sex, and would move on if possible in their specific situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.

To answer your question since I really can't offer a woman who is seeking a serious relationship anything given how squeezed I am financially and also being an executive in my mid 50s, I just date casually and expect sex as soon as possible. And I am upfront about it, I won't lie to any woman. Sure I make $425k, but I have 3 kids in college and ex-wife to support. So relationship is just not reasonable.

Relationships are not a financial agreement. It is sad (and disrespectful of women) that you think that is all they are based on.

Oh, come on. You know very well that if a woman posted to say that she has begun dating a man who has kids in college, is supporting an ex-wife, and who has told her he doesn't have financial resources to devote to a new relationship and feels "squeezed" for time/energy due to his job, the majority of DCUM posters would be advising her to move on. This guy is being honest and realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an older woman who would not even consider such “terms.”

She should do what whatever makes her comfortable.

I have no idea why you are crowd surfing this.

(Her use of a dating coach suggests she is not confident about herself, which is unfortunate for someone that age.)

Most people married since they were early twenties and suddenly single at 50 are bewildered by the dating scene.

My first marriage was much shorter and I still thought things were very different when I returned to dating at 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.

To answer your question since I really can't offer a woman who is seeking a serious relationship anything given how squeezed I am financially and also being an executive in my mid 50s, I just date casually and expect sex as soon as possible. And I am upfront about it, I won't lie to any woman. Sure I make $425k, but I have 3 kids in college and ex-wife to support. So relationship is just not reasonable.

Relationships are not a financial agreement. It is sad (and disrespectful of women) that you think that is all they are based on.

I also hate that he says he “ EXPECTS sex ASAP,” versus “desires” or “hopes” for it.
Gross. No wonder he was cut loose.

(Buddy, please get counseling. Your attitudes would turn off any healthy woman.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, that hasnt been my experience at all. My 2 cents:

1- She needs to do a better job of vetting men before she goes out on dates. Get to know them a bit first before agreeing to meet. Make it a little harder for them to get your precious time. The ones who arent interested in even a phone call before a date will see themselves to the door.

2- Along those lines, the men who discuss sex within the first few messages are saying who they are loud and clear. Dont entertain them.

3- Is she only going for super hot men? Slick dudes? Dudes super into appearance (yeH, yeah, I know its Miami). Imho you can tell by a mans profile pics/profile content what he is looking for.

Thank you.

Now that you mention it, #3 might be most of the problem. She was married to a very attractive, but very nice man. I think she doesn’t have good player radar.

After age 50, a man who is good looking and capable of having sex has his choice of women.

lol no. Even at that age, every woman on the apps is juggling at least five other guys in addition to you, and she will drop you instantly if she thinks a better deal is available. This is especially true of the desirable women whom you (the good looking and capable man) would naturally choose.


Well, I am a desirable older woman, and I have no desire to juggle hoards of men. You are a bitter make who is projecting what you would do if you ruled the game.

I seek one that is kind, smart, fun, interesting, socially conscious. I don’t need his money. I might be convinced to spend time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

I totally disagree with your initial premise .

Would you leave someone you loved if their medical condition prevented them from having sex?

NP and a woman, but I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that it is much more common for men to leave their wife when she is diagnosed with cancer or other debilitating disease. Here's a source: https://www.fredhutch.org/en/news/center-news/2009/11/sickness-and-health.html

I do believe that most men, unless elderly, would not happily remain in a relationship without sex, and would move on if possible in their specific situation.

It’s still only 10% of 20%. That’s a very low number.

So it’s very unusual to abandon a spouse because you’re not having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

A woman past child bearing years has two avenues in the dating world.
If she's fit and attractive, she can play the cougar thing for a few years.
If she wants a long term relationship, then she must date men at least 10-20 years older who don't want to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40sF who dates men from 25-55.

She needs to fire her dating coach. Do some men want sex on the first date? Yes. Are there men who don’t? Also yes. At no point should she ever sleep with a man just to try to keep him.

She needs to get clear on what she wants and what she will and won’t do. For example, I’m very clear and upfront that I am dating for marriage. Sometimes I do sleep with men on a first date if I’m very attracted to them, knowing full well it’s just going to be a good time for us both with zero expectations of a second date. Sometimes I’ll go on 10 dates with a man I’m not attracted to but he has marriage potential, and I won’t sleep with him because the chemistry just doesn’t grow. And everything in between (such as currently sleeping with a man where the sex is ok, good not great, but he loves to spoil me with gifts and trips so it’s fine for now).

She needs to get comfortable with doing whatever SHE wants, not trying to bend to what men want.

As a 45 years old woman tell me about your dating experience dating a man who is 25 ie 20 years younger. Besides sex which we all is obviously amazing, what else is exciting about dating a 25 years old man?

They just have a different perspective on life. Older men are often jaded, most have been through a divorce or two, and are just bitter at the world. Younger guys are still full of life, they have interests beyond their 401k.

One younger man I dated was a personal trainer and we'd workout together. It was FUN. We'd go to the track and race each other, or he'd teach me MMA. Most older men can't do that.

They also appreciate what I can provide for them. I take them to restaurants or on trips they couldn't afford themselves.

Often it feels like you're a teenager again. They want to go do fun things together, like hookup in the car in a mall parking lot, go to an arcade and compete against each other, even talk on the phone late at night.

Sounds like a female version of a passport bro/sex tourists LMAO

Nope, nothing like passport bros. Passport bros and sex tourists can’t land any women in their home country, so they go overseas to exploit people in poverty. I have zero problem landing men in their US, and none of them need me for money. I’ll splurge a bit on them if needed but they still have jobs and pay their own bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, is your friend actually asking men directly what they are looking for when they first start messaging? I know that society historically tells us that women aren't supposed to ask that as to appear too needy and scare a man off, but a man who is looking for a relationship will be honest and say so. A man looking for a hookup may be honest and say so, or he might say he doesnt know what he is looking for, he just wants to wait and see what happens, depends on the woman, etc.

Conversely, is she putting out “just want to have fun” vibes either in her pics or profile or both? If she wants a relationship she needs to own it. The fact that many of her first dates are dancing leads me to believe that she is portraying herself as a party girl/doesnt want anything serious.

Fwiw, I have a good male friend in ftlaud/miami who met his long-term gf on old. They are both normal people (albeit tan and in shape, he much moreso before he moved to S Florida) who found each other. It can happen!!

Maybe get dating coach gets paid by the swipe so he told her to put bikini photos in her profile!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40sF who dates men from 25-55.

She needs to fire her dating coach. Do some men want sex on the first date? Yes. Are there men who don’t? Also yes. At no point should she ever sleep with a man just to try to keep him.

She needs to get clear on what she wants and what she will and won’t do. For example, I’m very clear and upfront that I am dating for marriage. Sometimes I do sleep with men on a first date if I’m very attracted to them, knowing full well it’s just going to be a good time for us both with zero expectations of a second date. Sometimes I’ll go on 10 dates with a man I’m not attracted to but he has marriage potential, and I won’t sleep with him because the chemistry just doesn’t grow. And everything in between (such as currently sleeping with a man where the sex is ok, good not great, but he loves to spoil me with gifts and trips so it’s fine for now).

She needs to get comfortable with doing whatever SHE wants, not trying to bend to what men want.

As a 45 years old woman tell me about your dating experience dating a man who is 25 ie 20 years younger. Besides sex which we all is obviously amazing, what else is exciting about dating a 25 years old man?

They just have a different perspective on life. Older men are often jaded, most have been through a divorce or two, and are just bitter at the world. Younger guys are still full of life, they have interests beyond their 401k.

One younger man I dated was a personal trainer and we'd workout together. It was FUN. We'd go to the track and race each other, or he'd teach me MMA. Most older men can't do that.

They also appreciate what I can provide for them. I take them to restaurants or on trips they couldn't afford themselves.

Often it feels like you're a teenager again. They want to go do fun things together, like hookup in the car in a mall parking lot, go to an arcade and compete against each other, even talk on the phone late at night.

Sounds like a female version of a passport bro/sex tourists LMAO

Nope, nothing like passport bros. Passport bros and sex tourists can’t land any women in their home country, so they go overseas to exploit people in poverty. I have zero problem landing men in their US, and none of them need me for money. I’ll splurge a bit on them if needed but they still have jobs and pay their own bills.

An old hen bragging about spreading her legs and paying for sex actually sounds worse than a passport bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

At that age, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

A woman past child bearing years has two avenues in the dating world.
If she's fit and attractive, she can play the cougar thing for a few years.
If she wants a long term relationship, then she must date men at least 10-20 years older who don't want to have kids.

This is ridiculous. There are men in their 50s, looking for relationships that prefer women closer to their own age. It is true, though, that they are more of the exception than the norm, a lot of men that age just want sex with younger women, so you have to work harder to find them. There has been some good advice on this thread, like don’t go dancing for a first date, and screen the profiles carefully. If a relationship is actually what she wants.