What's weird about where you are staying - Thanksgiving 2024 edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a weirdo about having garbage in the garbage can. She will take things out of the garbage and take it to the garbage can outside. She goes to the outside garbage can no less than 5 times a day.

I'm the PP with the mom who doesn't allow anything that's not a Kleenex in trash outside the kitchen. Does she have an auxiliary trash bag hanging on a cabinet knob for trash in the kitchen that she deems urgent?

She puts a plastic grocery bag in the garbage can (and there's a regular garbage bag in the can too) and then when the grocery bag is "full", she takes it outside. She also gets mad if you put something in the garbage that takes up too much room. I crushed an empty cracker box and threw it away. She took it out of the garbage and took it outside. It's bizarre. I've never seen someone so obsessed with the garbage.

This is so my mom. In fact, I’m wondering if you could be my sister. I didn’t realize she was on DCUM, but we definitely have the same mom! Obsessed with garbage.

This is hilarious. We are certainly sisters in spirit!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know the kind of people who spend a lot of money on renovations but make the absolute worst choices that end up making the house a more ugly and less functional place to live? That's my in-laws. Over the past few years, they have:

**Redone the entire den, but left the asbestos ceiling that has a hole and flakes of asbestos falling out of it because rehabbing the asbestos "would have meant we couldn't afford to renovate the den."

**Redid the outdoor patio with slippery indoor tiles that are a super hazard whenever it rains because "they look better. you won't believe how much I had to push the tile salesmen to sell us the tiles, i had to tell him we were going to use them inside! what's it to him where we put the tiles after we buy them??"

**Re-did front and back steps to the house, but refuse to put in a hand-rail because "It would make it look ugly"

**Replaced the 100+ year old solid mahogany wood doors throughout the house with particleboard doors because MIL decided she wanted "white doors." She told us happily, "the renovators took all those old doors away for free!" New doors don't close properly, squeak, paint is already peeling, drafts and sounds carry, etc.

**Re-did the bathrooms. Refused to put in grab bars ("those are for old people!"). No tub, just a shower that already leaks, tiles cracked, the door swells with resultant humidity making it impossible to close.

**Put in a roof deck but didn't put in a staircase to the roof deck because they thought the wrought iron staircase maker their roof guy recommended was "a crook" because he wanted 5k for a custom staircase and they thought they could find a cheaper source. It's been 5 years and no, they have not found a cheaper staircase maker.

I wouldn't go to their house, and wouldn't help them out when they inevitably creak their hips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we are in Florida for Thanksgiving, no one is cold, house is nice, no need to worry about the meals BUT...MIL invited her nieces and nephews who DH cannot stand and she forgot to tell him about that. Until last night. Until we were already in the house. He is beyond livid. Yes the house is pretty big for everyone but he doesn't want to be in the same room with them. He insists we get another place to stay and just show up for dinner. I am having so much fun with this drama.

We need to know why DH hates his cousins. 🍿

Former addicts (meth, alcohol, you name it - they've done in). Apparently they are on the road to recovery, AA, rehabs. According to MIL, "they didn't have an easy life". According to DH, "that's such BS". Doesn't want our kids to be near them.

I’m sorry, that sounds awful.

It is awful. I already told MIL "what were you thinking about inviting a bunch of addicts to a house with young children?" She responded with "you can't pick your family." They are her sister's kids, she somehow feels responsible for them. They are all in their 30s and 40s, how much responsibility can a 76-yo woman possibly take upon herself? Once an addict, always an addict.

With young children especially, she should have given you the information before you decided to go. I’m very much for reconciliation and grace, but it sounds like new, fragile sobriety, and I think opting out with young kids is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from Canada. My parents turn it to 55 over night, everyone has great bedding. I don’t do that in my own home but it doesn’t bother me.

I'm from Germany. Windows are opened every night, year 'round. The down comforters everyone sleeps with ensure you stay warm. Drives my husband nuts when it snows onto the window sills.

How cold does it get at night in Germany? All the windows?

I don't understand it would get too hot thus you had to open the windows?

We did this in college and in my apartments in my 20s even when temps were in the teens. It's the only way to deal with older radiators and shared piping, especially if you're in a multi-family place.

Yes, older radiators don't necessarily have temperature control and are basically on from when the boiler is turned on in the fall until it's turned off in the spring, regardless of outside temperature. If you live on a lower floor, all of the pipes supplying steam to the upper floors typically run through your living space, so it can be very hot downstairs. But since heat rises, it can also be very hot upstairs. The only way to regulate the indoor temperature is by letting cold air in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we are in Florida for Thanksgiving, no one is cold, house is nice, no need to worry about the meals BUT...MIL invited her nieces and nephews who DH cannot stand and she forgot to tell him about that. Until last night. Until we were already in the house. He is beyond livid. Yes the house is pretty big for everyone but he doesn't want to be in the same room with them. He insists we get another place to stay and just show up for dinner. I am having so much fun with this drama.

We need to know why DH hates his cousins. 🍿

Former addicts (meth, alcohol, you name it - they've done in). Apparently they are on the road to recovery, AA, rehabs. According to MIL, "they didn't have an easy life". According to DH, "that's such BS". Doesn't want our kids to be near them.

I’m sorry, that sounds awful.

It is awful. I already told MIL "what were you thinking about inviting a bunch of addicts to a house with young children?" She responded with "you can't pick your family." They are her sister's kids, she somehow feels responsible for them. They are all in their 30s and 40s, how much responsibility can a 76-yo woman possibly take upon herself? Once an addict, always an addict.

With young children especially, she should have given you the information before you decided to go. I’m very much for reconciliation and grace, but it sounds like new, fragile sobriety, and I think opting out with young kids is valid.

It is nearly impossible to find a place that doesn't cost an arm and a leg at the last minute. The more I think about it, the more I want to take the kids, get a rental car and start driving back to DC. She is obviously within her rights to host whoever she wants but this is her only son, her only grandkids, she should've known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a weirdo about having garbage in the garbage can. She will take things out of the garbage and take it to the garbage can outside. She goes to the outside garbage can no less than 5 times a day.

I'm the PP with the mom who doesn't allow anything that's not a Kleenex in trash outside the kitchen. Does she have an auxiliary trash bag hanging on a cabinet knob for trash in the kitchen that she deems urgent?

PP with the other weird garbage mom. I forgot to add - my mom is also a weirdo about the bathroom garbage cans. She is the same way as your mom. If it's not a kleenex she wants you to throw it in the main garbage can. I do not understand the constant garbage monitoring.

DP here. I totally get all of this. I don't want any garbage to smell, even the kitchen. I have to take out the garbage stealthily because my DH will complain its wasteful if I take out a bag before its totally full. So instead I dump all the bathroom cans daily into the kitchen can (unless there is something gross in the bathroom ones) which keeps the bathroom cans empty and cleaner and saves on bathroom trash bags, while at the same time filling up the smelly kitchen bag sooner. I can immediately tell if I walk into a home where the residents don't take out the kitchen trash often enough.

[Anonymous]

My house has weird bloodstains on the floor from the last owners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we are in Florida for Thanksgiving, no one is cold, house is nice, no need to worry about the meals BUT...MIL invited her nieces and nephews who DH cannot stand and she forgot to tell him about that. Until last night. Until we were already in the house. He is beyond livid. Yes the house is pretty big for everyone but he doesn't want to be in the same room with them. He insists we get another place to stay and just show up for dinner. I am having so much fun with this drama.

We need to know why DH hates his cousins. 🍿

Former addicts (meth, alcohol, you name it - they've done in). Apparently they are on the road to recovery, AA, rehabs. According to MIL, "they didn't have an easy life". According to DH, "that's such BS". Doesn't want our kids to be near them.

I’m sorry, that sounds awful.

It is awful. I already told MIL "what were you thinking about inviting a bunch of addicts to a house with young children?" She responded with "you can't pick your family." They are her sister's kids, she somehow feels responsible for them. They are all in their 30s and 40s, how much responsibility can a 76-yo woman possibly take upon herself? Once an addict, always an addict.

With young children especially, she should have given you the information before you decided to go. I’m very much for reconciliation and grace, but it sounds like new, fragile sobriety, and I think opting out with young kids is valid.

It is nearly impossible to find a place that doesn't cost an arm and a leg at the last minute. The more I think about it, the more I want to take the kids, get a rental car and start driving back to DC. She is obviously within her rights to host whoever she wants but this is her only son, her only grandkids, she should've known better.

You probably should have put the word "forgot" in quotations. There was no forgetting. She purposely waited until you were already there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

I don't think you should have anyone spend the night at your house.

it also sounds like your SIL has a great relationship with your daughter

Right? How dare they have fun!

[Anonymous]

My parents are obsessed with the garbage too. To a point I get it - they are in the South where you have the giant roaches - palmetto bugs. But there house is so clean. I'm like relax for a week or few days while we are there. Everything goes down the disposal that can - if it is a banana cut the stem off. If it is smelly it immediately gets double bagged and put into the garbage. We are all afraid to throw anything out and tend to just leave piles of stuff by the kitchen sink.

Only they can clean up the kitchen. Or cook. To be fair - they buy good food and are awesome cooks. But you can't help. Then they complain about how tired they are. I try to remind them that they trained me how to load a dishwasher but its not good enough.

Can't drive their cars anymore - this is new one - because it new car is too complicated and we can't manage it. Nevermind that we had the same car in stick.

Can't have a key to their house because they only have one good one. But, the door must always be locked. Can't go out for exercise and not lock the door.

Never enough food in the house and if there are good left-overs - you cannot eat them. I used to do grocery runs but now not allowed to drive car. And yes, next time I will rent a car but again - this is a new one. Had to Uber to see friends last visit.

Cannot open a second bottle of wine if it might not all get drunk but also not allowed to bring your own wine because they have plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m from Canada. My parents turn it to 55 over night, everyone has great bedding. I don’t do that in my own home but it doesn’t bother me.

I'm from Germany. Windows are opened every night, year 'round. The down comforters everyone sleeps with ensure you stay warm. Drives my husband nuts when it snows onto the window sills.

This is what we do. I love sleeping under a warm duvet in a chilly room filled with fresh air. I realize that not everyone agrees, and that's why our guest room has a heater and a door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are obsessed with the garbage too. To a point I get it - they are in the South where you have the giant roaches - palmetto bugs. But there house is so clean. I'm like relax for a week or few days while we are there. Everything goes down the disposal that can - if it is a banana cut the stem off. If it is smelly it immediately gets double bagged and put into the garbage. We are all afraid to throw anything out and tend to just leave piles of stuff by the kitchen sink.

Only they can clean up the kitchen. Or cook. To be fair - they buy good food and are awesome cooks. But you can't help. Then they complain about how tired they are. I try to remind them that they trained me how to load a dishwasher but its not good enough.

Can't drive their cars anymore - this is new one - because it new car is too complicated and we can't manage it. Nevermind that we had the same car in stick.

Can't have a key to their house because they only have one good one. But, the door must always be locked. Can't go out for exercise and not lock the door.

Never enough food in the house and if there are good left-overs - you cannot eat them. I used to do grocery runs but now not allowed to drive car. And yes, next time I will rent a car but again - this is a new one. Had to Uber to see friends last visit.

Cannot open a second bottle of wine if it might not all get drunk but also not allowed to bring your own wine because they have plenty.

We have a similar key situation at my mom's. There are two good keys but we are not allowed to borrow my parents' keychains. Fortunately I still have my housekey from when I was in high school, so if I need to run an errand or go for a run, I use that. But I can't tell my mom that I have a key because she will have a total freakout about a "good" key that is out in general circulation.

My parents also have doors that cannot be opened because they might not close again. You basically walk around their house holding your breath and hoping you don't accidentally violate one of the many rules that may be actually be arbitrary or may be the only reason the house is still standing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is a weirdo about having garbage in the garbage can. She will take things out of the garbage and take it to the garbage can outside. She goes to the outside garbage can no less than 5 times a day.

I'm the PP with the mom who doesn't allow anything that's not a Kleenex in trash outside the kitchen. Does she have an auxiliary trash bag hanging on a cabinet knob for trash in the kitchen that she deems urgent?

My ILs are like this! But they don’t even use a trash can—they have some paper grocery bags or a cardboard box that holds a plastic grocery bag for trash. This goes out at least once a day, as far as I can tell.

Sometimes it moves and I have to ask where do we throw the trash out today.

She puts a plastic grocery bag in the garbage can (and there's a regular garbage bag in the can too) and then when the grocery bag is "full", she takes it outside. She also gets mad if you put something in the garbage that takes up too much room. I crushed an empty cracker box and threw it away. She took it out of the garbage and took it outside. It's bizarre. I've never seen someone so obsessed with the garbage.

This is so my mom. In fact, I’m wondering if you could be my sister. I didn’t realize she was on DCUM, but we definitely have the same mom! Obsessed with garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Arrived at MIL's yesterday, and am here for the whole week. Need a distraction from her fretting over cooking (which I am doing all of) and financial planning (which she only trusts DH around).

I'll start:

- House is freezing. MIL considers setting temp to 65 high, and says it's because kids are from south (California). I grew up in Midwest, BTW. I've been wrapped up in blanket since getting here...MIL nearly fainted when I suggested setting temp to 67.
- MIL insists on hosting dinner. Will no longer let me host, which involves travel, nor SIL who is 15 minutes away. But MIL hates cooking and does not have a full size oven...so getting meal together is lots of coordination and drama.

You are a cliche.

Actually, you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

+1 do you mean the SIL and her own young daughter? If this is like a toddler/preschooler, they can't really be quiet for several hours after waking up...

My SIL doesn’t have kids. She was with my 10 year old daughter who has sleep apnea and needs a minimum of 10 hours of sleep. This is a child that normally has to be woken up out of a dead sleep for school at 7:45 each day. On a weekend, she could easily sleep until 8:30am. Besides being annoyed my daughter is awake 2 hours early, the bigger issue is why would you be super loud and wake up everyone in the house at that hour. What about whispering? It was still dark out. I would never be a guest in someone else’s house and wake every one up because I didn’t feel like talking quietly. This issue has been discussed in the past. It is not new.

WTF!
I don’t know why anyone would visit you, so many things!

1) You sound inflexible
2) An 8 day visit: WOWZA!
3) Your kid needs sleep, but this holiday disruption will not kill her( sleep apnea in my house, I know how it works)
4) Who expects mouse quiet with guests
5) Someone loves your kid to bits-THATS BETTER THAN 2 HOURS OF MISSING SLEEP
6) You sound inflexible