Is it your DH’s job to protect you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it's not my husband's job to protect me and the kids. It's my job to protect them. I would investigate the noise at night. I would walk to the gas station at night.
I'm stronger than my husband. I would beat him in a fight.

Yeah, my sister is a 6'1'' former college soccer player. She definitely doesn't need a man to protect her.

Everyone has a great plan until they get punched in the face. Men are stronger and more physical. I doubt ^^ is stronger than her husband, husband just doesn’t want to think about fighting you or blab about being able to. My wife works out like mad and is very strong, for a female, I go to the gym a few times a week and do mostly cardio so I don’t focus on strength. Yet I am significantly stronger, it is not a contest.

Yes, men should always be the first in line to protect women and children and anyone else that needs protection. ALWAYS.

My sister's a lesbian and yet somehow has managed to live her adult life without needing some man to protect her.

These weird hypos where someone's going to attack you. Like since when have you been attacked?

I had a homeless squatter come at me with a pipe last week as a matter of fact. It was a situation where I had no way of retreating and had to go on the offensive, fortunately he backed off after realizing I would not be an easy target. He got to within two steps of me on the front porch of a house with a locked door. There was a double murder within 100 yards of where I was two weeks prior, so yes violence does occur. And great for your lesbian sister, but I don’t think sexual preference changes genetic code in muscle and bone density. In a civilized society, no one should need to be protected, unfortunately that isn’t always how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If your husband wants to set up playdates, then he should set them up with other men doing something active. Men taking their kids fishing or sledding is normal. One dude hanging out and gossiping with a bunch of women while the kids play on the playground is kind of weird.

You’re the weirdo here. Why am I not allowed to socialize with moms at the playground? What do you think I’m going to do, drag them into the plastic tunnel for a quickie?

Meeting a mom or moms at the playground so the kids can run around together is “something active” as well as being utterly innocuous.

If it works for you, then it’s fine. Pp said that the mom’s in her social circle don’t set up play dates with her husband.

I don’t think you are trying to have a quickie if you set up play dates with other moms at the playground. It’s just a bit odd if you are constantly trying to call women to hang out with you on the playground and getting all upset that you are rebuffed. Maybe try talking to some men?

All that was a long time ago but no, I was not “constantly” trying to set up play dates with the moms and getting rebuffed. It was either with moms or dads, depending on who was available. There was no particular effort to make sure it was with the dads. I’m sorry you have such a disordered mentality that you think there’s anything odd about this.

Pp here.
If you, as a man, were able to set up playdates with both moms and dads depending on who is available, then what’s your issue?
Why are you saying that gender roles make it hard for men to set up play dates?

[Anonymous]

I can easily lift 200 lbs with one arm with virtually no training. How many women can do that even with significant training? You are vastly underestimating how strong a male can be. I still remember when NFL player Warren Sapp tackled another 350+ player so hard he separated his spinal column....in other words he was so powerful he literally almost tore a man in half from a simple tackle. When I train vigorously, I can easily pickup over 500 lbs from the floor like nothing. My natural grip strength is insane, and I'm very sure I could crush your hand into significant injury if I wanted to. I can pickup my wife and sling her around like she is peice of paper.

So yeah, I will be the first line of defense for my wife and family. It just makes sense, physically. Even if my wife was a crossfitting 6'1" Amazonian woman, I'd still likely be 2-3x stronger with minimal training. But I do train. FAFO.

[Anonymous]

The best defense is not to offend. I think women are naturally better at this.

Yeah, there are random acts of senseless violence, but they kill men just as often as women.

The majority of interpersonal conflict is avoided with decent social skills. At this, women are far stronger than men.

The sort of man who's so big into his pump as a defense makes himself a target. Not helpful to me/mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best defense is not to offend. I think women are naturally better at this.

Yeah, there are random acts of senseless violence, but they kill men just as often as women.

The majority of interpersonal conflict is avoided with decent social skills. At this, women are far stronger than men.

The sort of man who's so big into his pump as a defense makes himself a target. Not helpful to me/mine.

100% agree with this.

There were 18,000 murders in the US in 2023. Nearly 15,000 of them were from gun violence. There were 23,500 suicides by gun.

It doesn't matter how big and strong your husband is when guns are used for most murders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but why’d you run out of gas?

Because OP failed to do her job.

Right, bcause if society and gender norms dictate that it's safer for the man to do the manly protection jobs, then the woman has to do somehting.

I am saying this because I am angry about how it's actually true, not in this siutation but generally

Why are you angry about this?

We have a pretty traditional relationship. My job is to take care of the kids. DH does stuff like this.
Frankly, and I wouldn’t say this in real life, DH is more expendable than I am right now. If he dies, it’s incredibly sad, but we kind of move on. He has a $3 million term life insurance policy.
If I die, the inside baby dies too, and the other kids would really struggle.

I am angry because I would like to be able, in the context of my own marriage, to decide that I am not playing traditional gender norms just because society tells me I have to. If my husband and I agree that I shouldn't be the one to have to do all the traditional tasks of a woman, it seems unfair because those with more conservative approaches get to dictate what I do.

Who are these people with “more conservative approaches” dictating to you? How are they doing this?

Did you read the subsequent responses?
I live in a more conservative area and I can 100 tell you I'm the only parent on allowed on the class chat and thus the only one getting info

This is pathetically weak.

How so?

[Anonymous]

Yes, women should exploit gender norms when they serve them and cry foul when they disadvantage them. I thought this was common DCUM knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily think it's HIS job to protect me, it's more just facts. DH would be a lot more level headed investigating a noise at night. Id be anxious and freaked out and that wouldn't help anyone. DH just handles these things better than me.

As for the car situation, it sucks but yeah, statistically it would be safer for him to walk as a white male than for me to do it as a white female.

Him walking out at as WHITE male won't protect him from another bad actor WHITE male in the middle of nowhere in deep Alabama.

STop being a racist.

[Anonymous]

I am 50 and don’t think there has ever been a situation where I would have needed brute strength protection. Never been in a fight or had to physically fight someone to protect myself. Never had a car or tree land on me, never really had a situation where I needed that kind of protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If your husband wants to set up playdates, then he should set them up with other men doing something active. Men taking their kids fishing or sledding is normal. One dude hanging out and gossiping with a bunch of women while the kids play on the playground is kind of weird.

You’re the weirdo here. Why am I not allowed to socialize with moms at the playground? What do you think I’m going to do, drag them into the plastic tunnel for a quickie?

Meeting a mom or moms at the playground so the kids can run around together is “something active” as well as being utterly innocuous.

If it works for you, then it’s fine. Pp said that the mom’s in her social circle don’t set up play dates with her husband.

I don’t think you are trying to have a quickie if you set up play dates with other moms at the playground. It’s just a bit odd if you are constantly trying to call women to hang out with you on the playground and getting all upset that you are rebuffed. Maybe try talking to some men?

All that was a long time ago but no, I was not “constantly” trying to set up play dates with the moms and getting rebuffed. It was either with moms or dads, depending on who was available. There was no particular effort to make sure it was with the dads. I’m sorry you have such a disordered mentality that you think there’s anything odd about this.

Pp here.
If you, as a man, were able to set up playdates with both moms and dads depending on who is available, then what’s your issue?
Why are you saying that gender roles make it hard for men to set up play dates?

I didn't say anything about gender roles, and I wasn't having a problem setting up playdates. I was responding to the deranged notion that dads talking to moms at the playground during a playdate is somehow weird and odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best defense is not to offend. I think women are naturally better at this.

Yeah, there are random acts of senseless violence, but they kill men just as often as women.

The majority of interpersonal conflict is avoided with decent social skills. At this, women are far stronger than men.

The sort of man who's so big into his pump as a defense makes himself a target. Not helpful to me/mine.

100% agree with this.

There were 18,000 murders in the US in 2023. Nearly 15,000 of them were from gun violence. There were 23,500 suicides by gun.

It doesn't matter how big and strong your husband is when guns are used for most murders.

Unless your DH is a black guy age 15-34 who is involved in the drug trade, you have little to fear from this.

[Anonymous]

In DC alone there were 5700 crimes, murder, car jacking robbery, burglary in one calendar year. So yeah, being able to defend yourself does matter, most criminals take the easier targets.

[Anonymous]

DH is too gentle and nice. I’m the one that won’t hesitate to go primal and rip out someone’s jugular with my bare teeth. lol. When there’s a noise, I’m the one who goes out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best defense is not to offend. I think women are naturally better at this.

Yeah, there are random acts of senseless violence, but they kill men just as often as women.

The majority of interpersonal conflict is avoided with decent social skills. At this, women are far stronger than men.

The sort of man who's so big into his pump as a defense makes himself a target. Not helpful to me/mine.

100% agree with this.

There were 18,000 murders in the US in 2023. Nearly 15,000 of them were from gun violence. There were 23,500 suicides by gun.

It doesn't matter how big and strong your husband is when guns are used for most murders.

Oof. So those 18k murdered should have “not offended” and worked on their social skills?

[Anonymous]

NP. My DH does not take out the trash because he is afraid of snakes. (I once saw a non-poisenous snake at the other end of the property.) Only I take out the trash.

He also told me that if we had a burglary, his would flee the house with his phone and call help, leaving me and our daughter in the house. I was aghast.

For context, he is physically fit and stronger than I am.