SIL won't allow nephew to propose to his GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you still need your mom to "allow" you to propose you aren't mature enough to get married.

This.

If you are South Asian, you need permission of parents even if you are marrying at 40. Its a tradition just like Caucasians ask woman's father for his permission.

Not for a long, long time.

My husband asked my father just 5 years ago. You are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

[Anonymous]

This is a hot mess. Firstly, you stay out of it. You tell the nephew "Jake, if you're old enough to get married then you're old enough to have an adult conversation with another adult. You don't need somebody to talk to your mommy for you." Secondly, if he wants to get married, he will. If that means his mother pulls financial support, he needs to be prepared to deal with that. Thirdly, 23 is too young to decide to hitch your life to someone else's. Fourthly, please refer back to "firstly."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

OP, get a life and get off of dcum. You and your husband are so noisy and busybodies. Get some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

You husband also needs to think that this is none of his business.

[Anonymous]

How is this a question that you need to ask the internet. If he isn't adult enough to make a big decision without mommy's approval at 23, then he isn't adult enough to get married. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

I don't like tradition of asking anyone, adult men and women should just share the information with their parents and in-laws and celebrate with them. Asking permission only suits minors under 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

You husband also needs to think that this is none of his business.

That I agree with but their family is always in each other's business and I've given up on changing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

You husband also needs to think that this is none of his business.

That I agree with but their family is always in each other's business and I've given up on changing them.

Then why start a forum on this. You seemingly are in their business just as much, if not worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 23 year old nephew (who is going to grad school in another state) wants to propose his college girlfriend but his mom won't allow him. He is devastated and asked us to convince her. His GF works online for an IT company and can move with him but obviously won't move unless there is a commitment. SIL is paying fir MBA (though nephew worked for one year and saved some money). Should we talk to his mother? My husband thinks his sister is being manipulative because she sees her adult children as children while they are smart adults and this way either she'll break their relationship or mess her relationship with the son. I would rather stay out of it but he wants both of us to go so i can be more like a mediator between them as she frustrates him. Her husband (long time separated) supports his son but sees no harm in waiting if mom is insisting.

Please just tell your nephew to cut the mommy strings so he can be an adult. His mother sounds like a sick control freak who wants to manipulate her boy forever. Are you able to help with his education costs? If not, he should still figure out how to be self-sufficient, even if he needs to delay his graduate degree. Have you met his GF? What do you think of their future together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 23 year old nephew (who is going to grad school in another state) wants to propose his college girlfriend but his mom won't allow him. He is devastated and asked us to convince her. His GF works online for an IT company and can move with him but obviously won't move unless there is a commitment. SIL is paying fir MBA (though nephew worked for one year and saved some money). Should we talk to his mother? My husband thinks his sister is being manipulative because she sees her adult children as children while they are smart adults and this way either she'll break their relationship or mess her relationship with the son. I would rather stay out of it but he wants both of us to go so i can be more like a mediator between them as she frustrates him. Her husband (long time separated) supports his son but sees no harm in waiting if mom is insisting.

Please just tell your nephew to cut the mommy strings so he can be an adult. His mother sounds like a sick control freak who wants to manipulate her boy forever. Are you able to help with his education costs? If not, he should still figure out how to be self-sufficient, even if he needs to delay his graduate degree. Have you met his GF? What do you think of their future together?

And you sound like you are trying to get someone who has no business in it to manipulate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His mother won't let him propose? His GF should take the opportunity to end the relationship before she's saddled with a crazy MIL and a husband who won't stand up for himself.

This. It sounds like the girlfriend will be dodging a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 23 year old nephew (who is going to grad school in another state) wants to propose his college girlfriend but his mom won't allow him. He is devastated and asked us to convince her. His GF works online for an IT company and can move with him but obviously won't move unless there is a commitment. SIL is paying fir MBA (though nephew worked for one year and saved some money). Should we talk to his mother? My husband thinks his sister is being manipulative because she sees her adult children as children while they are smart adults and this way either she'll break their relationship or mess her relationship with the son. I would rather stay out of it but he wants both of us to go so i can be more like a mediator between them as she frustrates him. Her husband (long time separated) supports his son but sees no harm in waiting if mom is insisting.

Myob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t pay for grad school if my kid were married either. I’m on team SIL. When your nephew is mature enough to finance his own school, he’s mature enough for marriage.

This makes no sense. I knew umc and rich families who paid for their kids’ law or medical school and weddings while they were still enrolled. Marrying young and being in a great grad/professional program are signs of MATURITY and STABILITY.

I have a friend whose parents paid for her wedding between college and medical school. Her mom did most of the wedding planning. Then when she was doing her residency, her parents and sometimes siblings traveled to see her for holidays. She also had two kids during that time and her parents helped out. I was so envious of her. My parents were the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t pay for grad school if my kid were married either. I’m on team SIL. When your nephew is mature enough to finance his own school, he’s mature enough for marriage.

This makes no sense. I knew umc and rich families who paid for their kids’ law or medical school and weddings while they were still enrolled. Marrying young and being in a great grad/professional program are signs of MATURITY and STABILITY.

I have a friend whose parents paid for her wedding between college and medical school. Her mom did most of the wedding planning. Then when she was doing her residency, her parents and sometimes siblings traveled to see her for holidays. She also had two kids during that time and her parents helped out. I was so envious of her. My parents were the opposite.

This sounds like a wonderful supportive family, who probably knew what it what take to have grandkids with a daughter in med school.
I am envious too, this is not my family and it sounds like it's not the OP's sister either.