Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship

[Anonymous]

My husband was that person. He just didn't waste women's time. If he wasn't interested, he broke up with them. I respect that about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen X here. For people in my generation, it was because of trauma (sexual abuse or assault, etc). I think this is also true for a good portion of younger folks, but for them it also could be because they lack social skills

For me it was from witnessing all those 1970s & 1980s divorces. No one ever seemed safe enough. Flaws seemed insurmountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the pregnancy risk. I have an IUD, but if I got pregnant I’m 100% certain I would have an abortion. If I couldn’t access one I’m still not giving birth. Pregnancy risk of sex is too high. I’m on a sex strike.

As someone else with an IUD who adamantly does not want any more kids....

this is crazy

[Anonymous]

Upbringing. A friend is/was very devout. It took her years/decades to understand and accept she would not meet her husband at church. She’s in her first LTR, and we are in are mid-40s.

There are A LOT of Black women in this situation.

[Anonymous]

They’re waiting for the perfect person. Attractive, attentive, educated, monied, and connected. But, a guy like that has tons of options. What are the women bringing to the table? A beautiful woman is not necessarily a confident or interesting person. All together, beautiful women have something to offer, but if they’re going for a prized male, they need to bring more than looks. Oh, and prized men aren’t looking for mind games or hard-to-gets; they’re mature people looking for the same.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing: 30+ men finally stop thinking with their dicks so much. Many of my friends have dated a woman who was fit, attractive, accomplished, etc, but has an absolutely garbage-tier personality. They freely admit when they were younger they would have put up with it for a while because penis.

Many people can be a great same-sex friend, while being totally obnoxious to an opposite sex partner. These are not good recommendations.

I have also never known an attractive 30+ women to be truly single. They all have an FWB bootie-call guy, Ex-BF or someone. Maybe they only tell their closest friends about him. This inhibits dating because she's only looking for credentials and not because she wants a deep dickdown, any new guy is in primal competition with her FWB etc. How many women have actually married their "Mister Big" IRL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: 30+ men finally stop thinking with their dicks so much. Many of my friends have dated a woman who was fit, attractive, accomplished, etc, but has an absolutely garbage-tier personality. They freely admit when they were younger they would have put up with it for a while because penis.

Many people can be a great same-sex friend, while being totally obnoxious to an opposite sex partner. These are not good recommendations.

I have also never known an attractive 30+ women to be truly single. They all have an FWB bootie-call guy, Ex-BF or someone. Maybe they only tell their closest friends about him. This inhibits dating because she's only looking for credentials and not because she wants a deep dickdown, any new guy is in primal competition with her FWB etc. How many women have actually married their "Mister Big" IRL?

I’m a woman in mid 40s but I was married for a long time. That’s my impression from dating that most attractive single men already have multiple bootie call partners. Now I’ve got one with sexual exclusivity but not truly in love with him. He’s still in the apps and so am I, we don’t ask questions. Not sure if that inhibits dating: to me it’s the opposite. I regained confidence being sexually active and feeling wanted.

No, single women in my circle who were never married don’t have FWB. They don’t go around looking for Mr Perfect, but rather passively wait for him to come onto them.

[Anonymous]

They are too picky and need to settle. Get over that a nice guy is too short or balding. Get over that he might not have gone to the best college. Get over that his job might not be one you can brag about or that he makes enough to support you without you working.

I went to a top college and my college girlfriends who never date I am sure think I settled when I married my husband when I was 34. He was balding at 34 and was (and still is) a teacher. Now at 50 they tell me what a good husband and father he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are too picky and need to settle. Get over that a nice guy is too short or balding. Get over that he might not have gone to the best college. Get over that his job might not be one you can brag about or that he makes enough to support you without you working.

I went to a top college and my college girlfriends who never date I am sure think I settled when I married my husband when I was 34. He was balding at 34 and was (and still is) a teacher. Now at 50 they tell me what a good husband and father he is.

Great, but maybe they wouldn't be happy with someone like your husband. A friend of mine settled for a fat and bolding guy who became a $1mm+ a year investment banker i=by mid 40s. Guess what? I make my own $300k/year, and wouldn't want him even with his big pocket. I still feel sorry she must put out with him every day. I'm divorced, my exH was thin, athletic, sexy and made good money. I now date an athletic and sexy man for over 2 years, he makes 200K and that's enough for 2 of us.

Never settle or get married if you feel like settling! You won't be happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: 30+ men finally stop thinking with their dicks so much. Many of my friends have dated a woman who was fit, attractive, accomplished, etc, but has an absolutely garbage-tier personality. They freely admit when they were younger they would have put up with it for a while because penis.

Many people can be a great same-sex friend, while being totally obnoxious to an opposite sex partner. These are not good recommendations.

I have also never known an attractive 30+ women to be truly single. They all have an FWB bootie-call guy, Ex-BF or someone. Maybe they only tell their closest friends about him. This inhibits dating because she's only looking for credentials and not because she wants a deep dickdown, any new guy is in primal competition with her FWB etc. How many women have actually married their "Mister Big" IRL?

Oof. Probably different for the younger generations, but for millenials generally speaking it’s on point. Even the non-conventionally attractive ones have some parasite taking up space an actual man could occupy in her life too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are too picky and need to settle. Get over that a nice guy is too short or balding. Get over that he might not have gone to the best college. Get over that his job might not be one you can brag about or that he makes enough to support you without you working.

I went to a top college and my college girlfriends who never date I am sure think I settled when I married my husband when I was 34. He was balding at 34 and was (and still is) a teacher. Now at 50 they tell me what a good husband and father he is.

Why? I didn't settle. I'm 48 now and have no regrets.
(I have no issues with short or bald men, btw. I prefer short men, and I think bald men are sexy).

[Anonymous]

My sister was like this but is now dating someone at 33 and has been with him 2 years.

I think she does have very high standards (regarding how he treats her, others, his worldview etc, not $$ or superficial qualities) and she is much happier single than with a man who doesn’t meet them. Another poster mentioned one reason being these women are deeply turned off by common male traits and I think this was the case for her.

In any case, I think it’s entirely fine for someone to remain single and have exacting standards. Not everyone’s goal is to be coupled up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my sister in law. She just doesn’t put herself out there. It makes me wonder what the future looks like for her.

This is my sister. She’s in her 40s. Spends her weekends with our parents or her paired up high school friends. I think she’s given up and pretty much went back to being out parents’ little girl and is comfortable with that. It’s her life and choice but in the long run I don’t know what she’s going to do. I think she’s just very used to friends and family constantly accommodating her.

You sound horrible.

It was horrible to watch our parents encourage this for years. Sometimes this situation comes about because of the woman’s family. The parents like bring frozen in time. It’s toxic. I can’t imagine as a parent promoting this situation. They even discouraged her from moving to a new city.

Doesn’t seem like there’s a “situation” occurring. It sounds like the thought of single, childless women makes you uncomfortable.

I'm not pp but this is my il family. Very dysfunctional. Very misogynistic. Mil wanted her kids to never grow up and never leave her. They knew she hated when any of them dated or did things with people outside the family. My sils had few friends and the minute those friends dated boys, they were whores. They lived at home and never did anything with friends or dated. Mil would be furious if they did. They all hated the women the sons dated and married. They learned that if mil didn't come first, she would make them pay. Eventually all of them moved out, but only one has a successful relationship and is married.

[Anonymous]

The nasty responses here sound just like my sils who hate women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly related: the other day a single older woman posted here that she is self conscious sometimes about what other/married people think of her...replies were @that's crazy, people are too busy with their own lives to think about yours. And here we are with everyone chiming in about their Aunt Barbara who never got married. Good times.

People do think about it and question it constantly. People will try to set up a single guy with no apparent love interest. Women are still treated like there is something wrong with them.