Couples therapy and mandatory reporting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest concern is protecting the abuser?

Uh no. It’s not ruining the parents life and destroying a family over what is likely a minor event.

Thanks, ass. I’m the PP whose father did this to her many times in her life and her parents hid it to “protect him.” I hope you realize that you will probably rot in hell for not realizing how damaging and wrong it is for an adult to act out in violence toward a child. It is never okay. Do not minimize it. That is messed up. I am guessing you have hit your kids and are trying to justify it.

I’m sorry about what happened to you. No one is saying this is okay, including the father who did it. That’s why he agreed to counseling. But it doesn’t mean the state needs to investigate it.

The state steps in when the parents who are legally responsible for keeping their child safe are not doing their job.

They are not just being nosey. Paid professionals are having to take over this role because you and your husband were not up to the task. That is the sad truth.

Your naïveté about how child services and the foster care system actually work is evident. As a foster care survivor, I would have have been better off with my mother. Many adult foster care survivors will tell you the same thing.

Lots of foster care survivors will tell you that the biggest problem with the system for them was the emphasis on reunification. It can be devastating. I was taken away by CPS for a few days and it did no good at all, but my sister's three children were in and out of the foster system for years until she finally lost her parental rights and they were adopted. They would have been better off if my sister had had only one or two chances. The fact is that some parents just are not up to the task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest concern is protecting the abuser?

Uh no. It’s not ruining the parents life and destroying a family over what is likely a minor event.

Thanks, ass. I’m the PP whose father did this to her many times in her life and her parents hid it to “protect him.” I hope you realize that you will probably rot in hell for not realizing how damaging and wrong it is for an adult to act out in violence toward a child. It is never okay. Do not minimize it. That is messed up. I am guessing you have hit your kids and are trying to justify it.

I’m sorry about what happened to you. No one is saying this is okay, including the father who did it. That’s why he agreed to counseling. But it doesn’t mean the state needs to investigate it.

The state steps in when the parents who are legally responsible for keeping their child safe are not doing their job.

They are not just being nosey. Paid professionals are having to take over this role because you and your husband were not up to the task. That is the sad truth.

Your naïveté about how child services and the foster care system actually work is evident. As a foster care survivor, I would have have been better off with my mother. Many adult foster care survivors will tell you the same thing.

Lots of foster care survivors will tell you that the biggest problem with the system for them was the emphasis on reunification. It can be devastating. I was taken away by CPS for a few days and it did no good at all, but my sister's three children were in and out of the foster system for years until she finally lost her parental rights and they were adopted. They would have been better off if my sister had had only one or two chances. The fact is that some parents just are not up to the task.

Agreed that not all parents are up to the task, and that includes more than a few foster parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

I don’t see a lot of commentators saying it’s fine. I do see a lot of people saying this was a one time incident, and the parents seem to want to rectify this. CPS isn’t actually going to rectify anything. Therapist, parenting classes, and working on behavioral changes will -which is what OP has said they want to do. So, the question seems more of: do you want to solve the problem for this child given these specific circumstances? Or do you want to make sure that everything is reported no matter what? Procedures and outcomes are two different things, but some comments seem to rest on the assumption that reporting is the unequivocally correct thing to do. CPS has a very mixed record for outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

I don’t see a lot of commentators saying it’s fine. I do see a lot of people saying this was a one time incident, and the parents seem to want to rectify this. CPS isn’t actually going to rectify anything. Therapist, parenting classes, and working on behavioral changes will -which is what OP has said they want to do. So, the question seems more of: do you want to solve the problem for this child given these specific circumstances? Or do you want to make sure that everything is reported no matter what? Procedures and outcomes are two different things, but some comments seem to rest on the assumption that reporting is the unequivocally correct thing to do. CPS has a very mixed record for outcomes.

Nowhere does the OP say this was a one time incident. Rather she said it is the latest incident. She says normal child behaviors “trigger anger” in her DH. Hell yes would I want this documented no matter what, because when OP needs to get out of her marriage to protect her kids, the record will otherwise not be on her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

I don’t see a lot of commentators saying it’s fine. I do see a lot of people saying this was a one time incident, and the parents seem to want to rectify this. CPS isn’t actually going to rectify anything. Therapist, parenting classes, and working on behavioral changes will -which is what OP has said they want to do. So, the question seems more of: do you want to solve the problem for this child given these specific circumstances? Or do you want to make sure that everything is reported no matter what? Procedures and outcomes are two different things, but some comments seem to rest on the assumption that reporting is the unequivocally correct thing to do. CPS has a very mixed record for outcomes.

Look at the comments saying "all parents loose their cool," "discipline has gone out the window," "oh I guess you can't do anything about a kid screaming inside," etc. No, they don't say it's a good idea, but the overall message in those comments is that it's something to be shrugged off.

And I agree with PP that based on what OP said this is very likely not a one-time incident.

I have no idea if it would be for the best if CPS was called, but I think that if you are a mandatory reporter, reporting probably is the unequivocally correct thing to do. My hunch is that CPS wouldn't really do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Then you do not know what you are doing. I am also a mandated reporter and leaving marks always requires a report. PP, maybe you should think about changing professions.

As someone said above, there are marks and there are marks. Grabbing a child even non-abusively will leave brief red marks. If we are talking about bruises visible hours later that is a different story. But considering none of us here has even seen the photos I think you’re the one jumping to conclusions.

Exactly. If my child was headed for the street and I grabbed his arm to stop him from being run over, the potential to leave a mark is there, maybe even a bruise. Other parent could disagree and say Larlo would have listened to the word 'no' so grabbing his arm was wrong. Mandatory reporter could then report to CPS, and some CPS worker with a chip on his/her shoulder could consider action abusive.

Ok so in a worst case scenario a CPS investigation is started and since you have nothing to hide and don’t routinely bruise your child (right?) it’s an annoyance and potentially an expense.

A mandatory reporter ignores those bruises and loses their job and a kid potentially loses their life. Why is that a preferable outcome to you?

I don’t think you have any concept or understanding of how traumatizing these inquiries can be even if they are baseless. These people, most of whom have sub mental IQs, have the power to ruin your reputation, in some cases your career, destroy your family, and remove your child. It is a horrific experience even if you are innocent.

I do understand this could be traumatizing. I’m saying the trauma a parent who engages in one-time abuse or is misunderstood feels is a lesser evil than a child dying. I’m saying your reputation and career are not more important than the mandatory reporters career, which is what they lose if they don’t report you.

My reputation and career ARE more important than a mandated supporters career.

And if my spouse tried to label me an abuser we would be done, and they could kiss seeing their children goodbye at least half of the time.

Why is your career more important than a doctor's, or a teacher's, or a therapist's?

In many states the the definition of who is a mandated reporter has been extended so broadly as to include virtually any adult.

Is that doctor, teacher or therapist going to be supporting my children? No. Therefore my career and reputation are more important FOR THE CHILD than the reporter’s.

Do you understand that if telling the truth ruins your reputation, then it is based upon a falsehood?

If you can't stand behind your own actions, because they would be roundly condemned...maybe you need to look in the mirror.

Maybe you need to get a clue. In many circles and professions, the inquiry alone would be sufficient to cause harm. For a doctor for example, they may be required to state whether they have ever been investigated in order to get hospital privileges or a state license. Even if nothing came of the investigation. Not to mention other parents. Are you sending your kid to play and socializing with the parents who had CPS called on them, even if chargers were never filed? Yeah no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

I don’t see a lot of commentators saying it’s fine. I do see a lot of people saying this was a one time incident, and the parents seem to want to rectify this. CPS isn’t actually going to rectify anything. Therapist, parenting classes, and working on behavioral changes will -which is what OP has said they want to do. So, the question seems more of: do you want to solve the problem for this child given these specific circumstances? Or do you want to make sure that everything is reported no matter what? Procedures and outcomes are two different things, but some comments seem to rest on the assumption that reporting is the unequivocally correct thing to do. CPS has a very mixed record for outcomes.

Nowhere does the OP say this was a one time incident. Rather she said it is the latest incident. She says normal child behaviors “trigger anger” in her DH. Hell yes would I want this documented no matter what, because when OP needs to get out of her marriage to protect her kids, the record will otherwise not be on her side.

You know what? If he assaults someone she can call the police and file a report and the DA will handle that just fine. If she protects her kids there’s no need for CPS whose literal job it is to see if they should put your kids in foster care. People here are such ignorant jackasses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.

+10000

I am a different poster and agree with this. It’s legal to spank your kids. He needs better emotional regulation but this isn’t CPS-worthy IMO. And I am a mandated reporter and have reported to CPS before.

Each state is different, but in DC and MD where I've been a mandated reporter, it's not legal to spank your kid, or otherwise physically discipline your kid (which is what this is about) in a way that leaves bruises.

A therapist or teacher or other professional could lose their career if something like this isn't reported.

Since this was neither spanking nor bruises, doesn’t sound like that’s at issue here.

Generally when people say there were "marks" they mean bruises. What other kind of marks from physical punishment (again, this is what this is) last long enough to be photographed?

If people say bruise they mean bruise. If people say mark they likely mean a red mark that disappears after a little while with no bruising.

JFC listen to yourself. You are really sitting here saying, "Oh well since you grabbed your kid hard enough to leave red marks, but not hard enough to bruise, it's fine!" It's not fine.

"Marks and bruises" is the term used in CPS training, which includes pictures of various marks and bruises so that people working for CPS can identify abusive contact when it happens. Grabbing or pinching a child hard enough to leave bruises is abuse that I personally substantiated multiple people for, even in the absence of other abuse. Because what he did IS abuse, at least in the District of Columbia, based on how the OP described it. Sorry you do not like facts.

No one, NO ONE is saying it’s fine. Including the parents. You’re acting like there’s either good parents or parenting that should be reported to CPS, which is ridiculous. This is not okay, AND it doesn’t warrant a CPS investigation. It warrants counseling, parenting education, self improvement - lots of things. At least one of this the parents are pursuing.

Not true, lots of commenters are saying it's fine.

I don’t see a lot of commentators saying it’s fine. I do see a lot of people saying this was a one time incident, and the parents seem to want to rectify this. CPS isn’t actually going to rectify anything. Therapist, parenting classes, and working on behavioral changes will -which is what OP has said they want to do. So, the question seems more of: do you want to solve the problem for this child given these specific circumstances? Or do you want to make sure that everything is reported no matter what? Procedures and outcomes are two different things, but some comments seem to rest on the assumption that reporting is the unequivocally correct thing to do. CPS has a very mixed record for outcomes.

Nowhere does the OP say this was a one time incident. Rather she said it is the latest incident. She says normal child behaviors “trigger anger” in her DH. Hell yes would I want this documented no matter what, because when OP needs to get out of her marriage to protect her kids, the record will otherwise not be on her side.

You know what? If he assaults someone she can call the police and file a report and the DA will handle that just fine. If she protects her kids there’s no need for CPS whose literal job it is to see if they should put your kids in foster care. People here are such ignorant jackasses.

Ah yes the police who so famously take reports of assault from women seriously!

You are amazingly invested in protecting abusers. Protecting her kids means holding adults— even her husband—accountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to add that my father was physical with me when he was angry and my mother did nothing. I am in my fifties and have still not forgiven her. (Not that she asked.)

I have spent years in therapy trying to understand why my mother did not protect me.

I have very little to do with her now. (Dad is dead).

It’s very simple. She didn’t protect you because she was unable to raise you on her own, or didn’t want you to be alone with an abusive dad 50% of the time, and was possibly being abused herself. There are innumerable women who cannot afford to get away from their abusers and therefore cannot protect their children from them adequately either. Some of them even die trying.

You literally have no clue what you are talking about. She was a professional with a great salary. She left him as soon as I went to college. She bear even came to my room and asked if I was OK.

I am not an amalgam of all the abuse stories you've read. I am an individual. And sometimes women don't leave b/c they are in denial or in love with their partner and just don't want to see it.

[Anonymous]

By the time you see the therapist, the incident will have happened a long time ago.

You are showing up as a stranger showing them a picture that is going to be close up of someone's skin. Maybe it's your arm maybe it's a kid, the therapist has no idea.

The therapist has never seen the child. The therapist doesn't even actually know if the child exists yet bc the person is a stranger.

So to sum up, all these people who are therapists are going to call CPS and say " at someone unknown time, on someone unknown day, at some unknown place, a man who calls himself Mr. Smith came into my office today and told me that he grabbed an unnamed child in anger."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to add that my father was physical with me when he was angry and my mother did nothing. I am in my fifties and have still not forgiven her. (Not that she asked.)

I have spent years in therapy trying to understand why my mother did not protect me.

I have very little to do with her now. (Dad is dead).

It’s very simple. She didn’t protect you because she was unable to raise you on her own, or didn’t want you to be alone with an abusive dad 50% of the time, and was possibly being abused herself. There are innumerable women who cannot afford to get away from their abusers and therefore cannot protect their children from them adequately either. Some of them even die trying.

You literally have no clue what you are talking about. She was a professional with a great salary. She left him as soon as I went to college. She bear even came to my room and asked if I was OK.

I am not an amalgam of all the abuse stories you've read. I am an individual. And sometimes women don't leave b/c they are in denial or in love with their partner and just don't want to see it.

Right. Also a reason. Often bc seeing it would force life changes they are unable to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time you see the therapist, the incident will have happened a long time ago.

You are showing up as a stranger showing them a picture that is going to be close up of someone's skin. Maybe it's your arm maybe it's a kid, the therapist has no idea.

The therapist has never seen the child. The therapist doesn't even actually know if the child exists yet bc the person is a stranger.

So to sum up, all these people who are therapists are going to call CPS and say " at someone unknown time, on someone unknown day, at some unknown place, a man who calls himself Mr. Smith came into my office today and told me that he grabbed an unnamed child in anger."

Yeah except if she took a photo with her iPhone all that is already captured…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time you see the therapist, the incident will have happened a long time ago.

You are showing up as a stranger showing them a picture that is going to be close up of someone's skin. Maybe it's your arm maybe it's a kid, the therapist has no idea.

The therapist has never seen the child. The therapist doesn't even actually know if the child exists yet bc the person is a stranger.

So to sum up, all these people who are therapists are going to call CPS and say " at someone unknown time, on someone unknown day, at some unknown place, a man who calls himself Mr. Smith came into my office today and told me that he grabbed an unnamed child in anger."

Also, he's not an unknown person and the child, while maybe not named, is also not unknown. The therapist would know exactly who these people are and how to get in touch with them. If they disclosed this information in session, as presented by the OP, it would absolutely have to be reported following that session, including the names of both parents, their address, their phone numbers, the child's name, and all the details of the incident, including any date, location, etc. information about when it occurred. That is what the report contains.

In any case, the reporting laws exist for a reason. The reporters do not have to judge whether something is worth investigating - they only have to judge whether something is worth reporting. Not everyone has exactly the same judgment, but I know zero therapists who would not report a client reporting the incident described in the OP. These laws exist to protect actual children. The child welfare system is incredibly flawed - I say that as a person who has worked and will likely work within that system again - but it does actually save the lives of real children. I would rather, as an investigator, discover that it WAS a one time incident in which dad lost his cool, was immediately remorseful and has taken steps to address the problem. That is a really easy to close case because you can be pretty confident that this family does not need oversight to parent safely. That is an example of the process working well.

[Anonymous]

Op: number one rule. Never, I repeat never talk to the Man.
(The po po, fuzz, etc). You do not show the therapist a picture. You do not open the door to interference from cps.
See above, do not talk to the man.

You can do therapy. Work on your marriage and anger management.

People are so stupid to not understand. Never invite the man into your business.