What do these symptoms sound like/Who do we need to see?

Anonymous
Something is up with my DD13. Has been for a long while probably but we need to address it. But its not fitting neatly into a box.

From lists of ADHD Girl symptoms, she's highly sensitive, hyper-talkative, and is verbally impulsive/interrupts. BUT, she's highly motivated to the point of perfectionism and not forgetful or distracted or careless at all. She's outgoing and has broad interests and is very conversational. I've also looked at symptoms of high functioning anxiety and there is definitely some of that but also missing a lot too.

What kind of professional should we see? Her main issue is that the struggles to be part of a friend group (she does sort of make friends but always feels just on the outside) and this makes her very sad, but it doesn't seem to get better moving on to a different friend group. This started in 5th grade and she's now almost done with 7th. Oddly though, she gets along great with friends at team sports and girl scouts and she loves those activities. We run ourselves ragged driving her around to them, because she is happy there. She complains every day that she is "lonely" for 7 hours of school and really dislikes going to school for this reason. So far it has not affected her grades but I just feel so badly for her and don't know how to help. I have offered to let her homeschool/virtual school but she doesn't want to and she's right that this won't help loneliness. We've talked of moving switching schools, but that won't help if the underlying issue is her.

Thoughts? Ideas?
Anonymous
Why do you need to address it and what are you trying to accomplish? Sounds like you are looking to have friends which changing schools might not help.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to address it and what are you trying to accomplish? Sounds like you are looking to have friends which changing schools might not help.


Friends. She desperately needs and wants them and doesn't have them. Its been going on long enough that I'm wondering if its her. She doesn't want to attend 5 more years of school with no friends. Its actually a really big deal for her because she is social and lonely. I'm willing to do things to help, but what. I've tried a ton of social engineering over the years but none of it stuck long-term and I feel like she's too old for me to do it any more.
Anonymous
She need to join some clubs to try to find her tribe. Many people feel this way in middle school as the friend groups form up. In many ways it’s better to be an outsider than to be in a toxic group. Reach out to school counselor to see if they have any lunch group meetings she could join.
Anonymous
My daughter did this between 4-most of 7th grade. She had not found her people. Also, the truth is, many middle school girls are not nice to each other. Or nice sometimes and horrible at other times.

I kept encouraging her to branch out. Keep her involved in activities and invite a friend involved in the activity for pizza or to your house afterwards. It will happen eventually.
Anonymous
My 13 year old DD is very much like this but finally has started to make some friends now towards the end of 7th.

Is she in any school clubs? I would encourage theater, orchestra, or academic type clubs.
Anonymous
Theater camp
Anonymous
Not really many clubs at her school. She did do the play in 6th grade but didn't like and/or was not made to feel welcome by that group. I'm not sure which. I know theater is a common suggestion which is why I made her do it. She loves her sport and her friends there, but that doesn't help her at school as none of them attend the same school.
Anonymous
My DD11 has ADHD and level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder.

She doesn't exhibit the signs that a boy might. She receives speech therapy for conversational/social skills help and also some behavioral group therapy at school.

Not saying your daughter has the same diagnoses (only a psychologist can diagnose), and if it's not impacting her academically then no need. But the speech therapy or behavioral therapy may still be helpful.
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