Dating after major weight loss

[Anonymous]

5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

Got cut off. I’m 35 and female.

[Anonymous]

I think many men will be interested. I wouldn't talk about the details right away but sharing them eventually makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Guys don't care about stretch marks. You don't really have to talk about having lost weight or how much. Every basic man knows loose skin means a big weight loss. Just don't date total idiots.

[Anonymous]

Some men do care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

[Anonymous]

Few bodies 35+ are perfect. It's admirable and shows strength that you lost that much. Good guys will care more about who you are. Taking health seriously is sexy. And many, MANY guys will be fine having sex with the lights off.

[Anonymous]

^42 year old guy, btw

[Anonymous]

OP here. I prefer to have sex with the lights on.

[Anonymous]

How much loose skin do you have? They will be able to tell you lost a lot of weight if you have a lot still. Nobody really cares about the stretch marks.

[Anonymous]

NP. I had weight loss surgery, lost 110 pounds, then had a tummy tuck and breast lift to remove most of the loose skin. Honestly, I think you'll attract a much higher caliber of man if you wait until after you've had the skin removal surgeries. And now a bunch of pollyannas will chime in to say a good man won't care about loose skin, but that is just not true. The men who date deformed women (because honestly that's kinda what it is) are either unemployed losers or men looking to prey on women with low self-esteem (which they'll assume you have regardless of whether you do). And recovery from the surgery is serious business, so just focus on that. I used Dr. Dean Jabs in Bethesda and had a great result. PPs are right that men don't care about stretch marks, but that's not what you're dealing with. Your weight loss journey is not done yet, and I found it took my mind years to catch up with my new body even after the plastic surgery. Focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much loose skin do you have? They will be able to tell you lost a lot of weight if you have a lot still. Nobody really cares about the stretch marks.

OP here. Some on my upper arms and on my stomach. Not a ton but enough that it makes me feel self-conscious.

I have stretch marks everywhere - upper arms, back, sides, stomach, breasts, thighs, and knees. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

To get over it - work on body acceptance. Your weight then, and now, is a neutral characteristic and doesn't define your worth now or then. And look into the skin removal to see if that would be appropriate for your situation. (and, no, body acceptance and skin removal, if appropriate, are not incompatible)

[Anonymous]

Don’t start dating just yet. Right now, you’re just too easy a mark for the no-good men out here. Never date from a position of insecurity.

1. Prioritize surgery to get rid of loose skin—even if you have to put it on a credit card. It’s an investment in your confidence and self-worth and will save you from ending up with a covert (or overt) jerk.

2. Consider therapy. It’s hard being a fat woman in a society this hateful towards women and fat people, especially women who are fat. You might have a smaller woman’s body now, but you might still have a fat woman’s battered self-esteem.

Your stretch marks make you think less of yourself right now and nothing any of us can say is going to change that. If you hit the dating market now, you’re going to feel unduly grateful for any attractive, high value man who pays you attention. This will lead you to miss red flags and settle in crucial ways, even if you don’t realize you’re settling. The predatory men you encounter will also be more likely to stick to you because they have a fine radar for vulnerable women they can play mind games with. Do what you know you need to get to a better head space so you can attract who you deserve.

[Anonymous]

Focus on guys who have imperfect bodies themselves. Some will still be entitled jerks, but fewer.