How to thank my mom’s “village”

[Anonymous]

Anyone have suggestions for how to thank the women friends in my mom’s “village” who have cared for her in the last stages of terminal cancer?

My mom is 69 so is still relatively young. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer almost 3 years ago and has been home-bound since then. Until January, my dad has been able to care for her by himself.

She started majorly declining in February and since then, her friends have been phenomenal. They were great before but in the last few months have seemed like angels on earth (I’m not actually religious). These women didn’t know each other before but were from all aspects of my mom’s life. Her nurse friends have provided medical support, others have provided companionship and yet others have fed My dad and the rest of us.

I wrote them all letters of gratitude in December but would like to thank them again when my mom passed (likely this week).

Money or presents would be kind of insulting (nothing could ever repay them for their kindness), but does anyone have other suggestions? I was thinking maybe about having them over for dinner but didn’t know if that would be weird since they don’t all know each other and it might seem inappropriate to have a “party” shortly after my mom dies. On the other hand, my parents used to love having people over for dinner so maybe it’s not so strange.

I live across the country but have known several of these women my whole life. If anyone has suggestions for showing profound gratitude in this situation, I’d appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

Will you do a funeral or celebration of life service? If so, you could

- mention them during the eulogy and talk about what they meant to your mom
- put words of thanks for them in the program
- invite them to speak or do a reading

Moving forward you can also remember to send them cards for their birthdays or Christmas (or whatever major holiday they celebrate).... aging can be lonely and you remembering them the way is a way to honor the care they gave to your mom.

[Anonymous]

What about taking them all out for manicures/pedicures together. That way they can relax and meet each other but also have an activity. Or, invite them for a brunch and have a manicurist or two at the house. Might be nice for them to get physically pampered.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thank you notes sound perfect. Hosting a dinner is a wonderful idea. I love PP’s idea of sending them birthday cards as they age. You would then be giving them the gifts of time and thoughtfulness.

[Anonymous]

If she has “things” lying around I’d let each of them choose something special to remember her by. Or let her choose something for them before she passes. I think a dinner for them to show your appreciation would be nice as well.

[Anonymous]

I was in a somewhat similar situation, and the daughter did two things that were very nice. She held a memorial event at a restaurant. (In a practice/reserved space). Relatives and friends were invited. All around the room were happy pictures of the mother throughout her life, with husband, little kids, etc. The bar was serving the mother’s favorite cocktail. It was a great way to remember that she had had a full, happy life before falling ill.

To thank her friends/neughbirs, a month or two later, the daughter hosted a potluck at her home. It was great because we could share why we lived her mom so, how proud she was of her family, etc. Since you are not local, maybe just invite the close friends to a dinner at a local restaurant. It will give them a chance to remember your mom with fondness.

I am sorry for your loss. Your mom did a great job raising you! 🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about taking them all out for manicures/pedicures together. That way they can relax and meet each other but also have an activity. Or, invite them for a brunch and have a manicurist or two at the house. Might be nice for them to get physically pampered.

Only a certain type of women would like this, I think.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all of the advice! My mom never liked manicures so I’ll skip that but the restaurant sounds great.

I’ve also been doing Christmas cards but never thought to add birthdays, so thank you for that idea too!

[Anonymous]

All of these ideas are lovely (except the mani/pedi). I'd like to suggest sending them cards with a brief note of thanks and remembrance on your mother's birthday.

[Anonymous]

Flowers to all on their next birthday.

[Anonymous]

Definitely mention them in any eulogy, but make sure you don’t forget anyone.

[Anonymous]

I second the restaurant celebration of life. I think that’s lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has “things” lying around I’d let each of them choose something special to remember her by. Or let her choose something for them before she passes. I think a dinner for them to show your appreciation would be nice as well.

I was thinking something like this too. A small but meaningful keepsake. A piece of art or jewelry. That, and keep in touch with everyone so that you can pay them and their caregivers back some day.

Hugs, OP. I hope your mom knows how loved she is, and she is blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people. May we all be so lucky.