Dealing with young adult's disappointments...

[Anonymous]

Help-I have two DC in college and whenever things don't work out well (bad course registration time, room draw disappointments, lack of social plans, not getting an internship etc) I let it really get to me and drag me down. I know this is my issue and these are the ups and downs of life but curious if anyone can relate and how you calm yourself down and not get sucked into feeling so badly.

[Anonymous]

I mean this nicely because it has helped me: Make sure you have enough going on in your own life.

Also, think back to when you were that age - would you have wanted your minor setbacks to affect your parent's moods so much? That is too much pressure and unhealthy for everyone.

[Anonymous]

It isn't about you. You can't be a good support for your kids if you make everything about you. My mom is kind of like you and I love her, but I can't go to her about things in my life and its very sad. She just makes it worse.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you’re not letting your child know how much it affects you. I can relate for sure! But I’m careful to remain positive and helpful. I try to remind myself that overcoming disappointments will make them stronger and better equipped to manage on their own when they’re out of college. But believe me, I get affected too and it’s not easy…

[Anonymous]

OP here-thank you. I try to be extremely positive and I emphasize but try to explain it's part of life etc. I guess I just have trouble taking me own advice!

[Anonymous]

I remember all that happening to me in college, but I still had a good time overall. I guess maybe you don't realize that your kids are enjoying their lives when you only hear the venting.

[Anonymous]

I remember all that happening to me in college, but I still had a good time overall. I guess maybe you don't realize that your kids are enjoying their lives when you only hear the venting.

Best advice my own mom gave me when our kids left for college: "They will call when it's NOT going well. And when the temporary setback fades, as it quickly will, they won't call and let you know that they're fine again. They will have moved on. Which is all as it should be."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember all that happening to me in college, but I still had a good time overall. I guess maybe you don't realize that your kids are enjoying their lives when you only hear the venting.

Best advice my own mom gave me when our kids left for college: "They will call when it's NOT going well. And when the temporary setback fades, as it quickly will, they won't call and let you know that they're fine again. They will have moved on. Which is all as it should be."

OP here-yes this is sooo true. I just feel like lately it's one thing after the other. Like if it can go wrong it will...

[Anonymous]

You need to separate yourself from them and remind yourself it's good for them to deal with small stressors and disappointments like these because it builds resilience in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-thank you. I try to be extremely positive and I emphasize but try to explain it's part of life etc. I guess I just have trouble taking me own advice!

You really do not need to explain anything. They are pretty much doing an emotional dump on you. That's there way of dealing, but that doesn't mean there is anything for you to do or to worry about. It's difficult, but as long as they are healthy, attending classes, and not getting into actual trouble, you need to just let it go. Listen and move on. It's a level of detachment that we are not quite accustomed to at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help-I have two DC in college and whenever things don't work out well (bad course registration time, room draw disappointments, lack of social plans, not getting an internship etc) I let it really get to me and drag me down. I know this is my issue and these are the ups and downs of life but curious if anyone can relate and how you calm yourself down and not get sucked into feeling so badly.

ADD?

[Anonymous]

If its any consolation, most kids go through this but eventually learn to navigate so just trust the process, don't ruin your nerves or your relationship with your kid.

[Anonymous]

I am also the one my kids vent to about everything and what sucks is that they don’t nearly tell me the good things. So I’m stressed and sad for them and then I leave the next day that they had a fun night and all is well.

I just try to take the good with the bad and not get sucked into it either way.

[Anonymous]

Try reminding yourself that these setbacks help build resilience in your kids. Without them, they wouldn’t learn how to handle them.

[Anonymous]

I have a college freshman with autism and ADHD. He (and I) been working hard all his childhood to overcome LDs and communication issues, to get to college! So when things don't go right, yes, I try to advise him, issue reminders, and point out options he might not have thought of. And yes, I do worry, because unlike most young adults, his issues aren't merely due to immaturity - they're lifelong and have to do with executive function and lack of social understanding. His troubles will always be a big deal to me.

But that doesn't mean I can't be happy in my own life, OP! I guess I've learned to compartmentalize over 18 years.