Situation with best friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

DD has had same bestie since kindergarten- they are now tweens. Besties mom was diagnosed with early stage cancer a few years ago. She is in remission and doing well. Problem is ever since she has used her diagnosis as an excuse to never host, like ever. She has always said she has to “prioritize herself and lower her stress.” Totally get it but it’s now been YEARS….its been years of never inviting my child to anything, never has her over, no sleepovers at their house, nothing. So for the past two years, I have picked up her child, taking her places paid for everything, had her for countless sleepovers, I’m the one always suggesting fun things they can do, facilitating activities or the meeting somewhere neutral. I adore her child and I don’t want my daughter to suffer from not seeing her best friend because of the mom’s lack of effort. To make matters worse, she does not want me to tell my daughter her diagnosis, which I have always honored. So I can’t even give my daughter a reason why there is no reciprocation from her best friend’s family to invite her to anything. I feel like I’ve waited it out long enough, and I think I need to say something for the sake of my child just feeling straight up slighted at this point.
I’m close with the mom but have become less close to her through this process while I’m just giving her space to “prioritize herself and lower her stress.”
How would you all proceed?

[Anonymous]

You continue as you have been, throttle back, or stop hosting altogether. You decide.

[Anonymous]

I do not get the need for reciprocation. It’s about the kids and the kids can’t decide that their parents should host. If you can’t afford it, do home movie nights with pancakes for dinner and popcorn for snacks. That’s like $1 a person. It’s really not hard to add extra kids to your household for a few hours. Honestly many parents dream of being the hangout house so they can be part of their kids’ lives and have control over their activities.

[Anonymous]

You decide how much you are willing to host. You do that. You tell your daughter that not everyone is the same and some families just do not have the energy to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You decide how much you are willing to host. You do that. You tell your daughter that not everyone is the same and some families just do not have the energy to host.

How is that fair? Hosting can be as simple as picking up my child and having her Accompany them to Chick-fil-A dinner one night. Or drop them off at a movie and then pick them up and bring my child home. That is not exerting energy “hosting” - that’s just being polite to reciprocate.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You decide how much you are willing to host. You do that. You tell your daughter that not everyone is the same and some families just do not have the energy to host.

How is that fair? Hosting can be as simple as picking up my child and having her Accompany them to Chick-fil-A dinner one night. Or drop them off at a movie and then pick them up and bring my child home. That is not exerting energy “hosting” - that’s just being polite to reciprocate.
-OP

The world isn’t fair. Spend your energy hosting other kids who may reciprocate if that’s important to you and host this kid less as others have suggested. You don’t get to control what this other family does.

[Anonymous]

The cancer diagnosis is irrelevant at this point. She doesn't have cancer. She had it in the past. Do lower key things. When my kids have friends over they go off and play and I just provide snacks. I'm not taking the kids all over town and doing activities with them.

You don't have to spend tons of money. If you don't want to have the kid over twice a week then have her over once a week. But don't punish a kid because her mom's a user. It's not her fault.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the tit for tat and host as you feel comfortable. You can’t control what others do. I have an introvert kid, she’s happy to go places when invited but just as happy to have a weekend unplugged at home. I’m not running around making plans for her just to keep up with other kids who need more social time in the name of reciprocation. Oh I also hate hosting sleepovers, so I don’t. Sorry not sorry. I gave up feeling like I had to go tit for tat with other families long ago.

[Anonymous]

You can’t do anything. However you don’t have to be friends with the woman. She doesn’t sound great.

[Anonymous]

Count your blessings, this is no big deal. It would be so so foolish to let your bean counting get in the way of your kids closest friendship.

[Anonymous]

Two years is not that long after a cancer diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell my kid the real reason.

[Anonymous]

What type and stage of cancer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my kid the real reason.

"Ella's mom is lazy. That's why she never lets Ella have friends over." Because that's the real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You decide how much you are willing to host. You do that. You tell your daughter that not everyone is the same and some families just do not have the energy to host.

How is that fair? Hosting can be as simple as picking up my child and having her Accompany them to Chick-fil-A dinner one night. Or drop them off at a movie and then pick them up and bring my child home. That is not exerting energy “hosting” - that’s just being polite to reciprocate.
-OP

You need to get over it. They aren’t going to host. Decide what you want to do. Be petty or let your daughter hang out with her bff.