Should I Accept This Job Offer?

[Anonymous]

I currently have a decent job. Very flexible hours working 9 to 5 making a decent salary ($125k). Short commute. I am also able to telecommute one day a week and as needed when kids are sick. The job is boring and not challenging at all and has very little growth potential. It works well though since my kids are 2 and 4 years old.

I received a job offer for a position that I am very excited about. It's a small company doing very well and growing very fast. Salary is much higher, plus the company will probably go public in a couple of years so their is the potential to make a lot of money. The job is exactly what I want to do and I really liked the people I interviewed with. It's a perfect fot for my skillset. Also, it's not too far from home so about a 30 min or less commute.

The problem is that I'm not sure how family friendly the job will be. I've worked it out with DH that we can alternate drop-off and pickup so that I can work late a couple of nights a week. He is completely supportive. MIL lives nearby and will help out as needed as well.

I get the feeling that most of the people working their are single and do not have children and tend to work late. How do I broach this subject with my potential employer? Clearly this something I need to know prior to accepting the position. How do you discuss something like this after having received a job offer. What should I say? What questions should I ask?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to do it--I honestly believe that having a life outside of the kids makes us better parents since we are enjoying our jobs and we feel fulfilled. If you feel like your current job is dead-end, you're just going to be more tired, resentful and likely to feel like you're in a rut.

I think the key is to be up front with your potential employer (after you get an offer) but also be clear that your work won't suffer because of the flexibility for the kids. Are you just worried that you won't be able to leave work early to pick up the kids? Or that you can't work at home? If you're able to work at home, why not suggest to them that you will leave early to pick up the kids on x,y,z days (whatever days your husband can't get them) and that you will then work from home after they're in bed (or whatever). If you start the discussion, you might be surprised at how willing they are to accommodate you, particularly if you show you won't be skimping on the amount of work you'll be doing. After all, they will have offered you the job at this point, they obviously want you to work there.

I think you have to be honest about the reality of having the kids and what that's like day to day but there's no reason why it can't work out. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would. It sounds like you have a great thing going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I would. It sounds like you have a great thing going.

Same here. There are always other opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them that you are excited about the position, but want to be clear that it's a good match for both of you. While you are more than happy to put in extra hours to meet deadlines (as evidenced by your references), on a normal day you need to leave fairly regularly at Xpm. Sometimes you'll be able to work late in the office, but sometimes you'll have to put more time in at home after the kiddos are asleep. Make sure the workload distribution/team environment is conducive to you being able to work with the others to make sure things get done (rather than management micro-managing who does what task). Not sure how you can ask this tactfully but it's an important part of workplace flexibility, I think.

If you do accept, then I'd start doing as many 'favors' for people as you can. 'Do you want me to schedule that meeting for you?' 'I don't mind doing that research for you' and stuff like that. That way, when your family obligations require you to leave at a certain time when there is still work to do, you can ask someone to cover for you ('I have to leave, but save XYZ for me; I'll do it later tonight. In the meantime, could you meet with person A and person B to find out what we need to do about this issue?').

In short, I don't think that being the only parent in the group will be such a bad thing, as long as you establish good relationships with your team and give them the credit they deserve for being flexible with you (I'd let your boss know how great they are to work with, and also thank them profusely each time - bringing in snacks or coffee for them also helps!). I do this frequently in my job since I telecommute, and it works out great.

[Anonymous]

There is really no good way to ask the employer. If you are really serious about the job i would ask to come back in and speak to some of your potential co-workers and that you can talk to them about the average work day, what is expected in terms of staying alter, culture of the office etc. i think it is ok to request to speak to other women or men with children. Now if everyone there is single them i think that it is a bad sign and would look elsewhere (unless you are really ready to give up the flexibility).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I currently have a decent job. Very flexible hours working 9 to 5 making a decent salary ($125k). Short commute. I am also able to telecommute one day a week and as needed when kids are sick. The job is boring and not challenging at all and has very little growth potential. It works well though since my kids are 2 and 4 years old.

I received a job offer for a position that I am very excited about. It's a small company doing very well and growing very fast. Salary is much higher, plus the company will probably go public in a couple of years so their is the potential to make a lot of money. The job is exactly what I want to do and I really liked the people I interviewed with. It's a perfect fot for my skillset. Also, it's not too far from home so about a 30 min or less commute.

The problem is that I'm not sure how family friendly the job will be. I've worked it out with DH that we can alternate drop-off and pickup so that I can work late a couple of nights a week. He is completely supportive. MIL lives nearby and will help out as needed as well.

I get the feeling that most of the people working their are single and do not have children and tend to work late. How do I broach this subject with my potential employer? Clearly this something I need to know prior to accepting the position. How do you discuss something like this after having received a job offer. What should I say? What questions should I ask?

I'd stay where I am because you already have a very good job and it sounds secure. Also, if what you think is true that most of your co-workers are single and tend to work late (and, maybe, weekends) by asking for special consideration for you will very likely create tension and bad feelings with co-workers.

[Anonymous]

I know it's nerve-wracking to ask about this because you don't want to seem undedicated or mommy-tracked, but you're doing nobody any favors by accepting a job that's going to be a bad fit. I think I would ask, but phrase it in such a way as to make it clear that you are willing to put in the work. Something like, "I do have a family so most nights I would like to be able to get home in time to put my kids to bed. I would of course be willing to finish any remaining work from home after they were asleep, and I would be available by phone and email at all times. Does that sound workable?"

You also have to read between the lines of their response, because many places will say they are family-friendly when they're really not, or they don't really understand what family-friendly means. For example, if the job will entail a good deal of travel or weeknight dinners, there's not much you can do about that, but if it's just a matter of putting in the hours, that can usually be more flexible. Try to find out exactly what the expectations will be.

And, of course, you need to decide if you really are willing to put in the work. Your higher salary would enable you to outsource more house chores and get more flexible childcare, but are you OK with that? Will it make you unhappy to spend less time with your kids, be more frazzled and distracted, on the blackberry during bathtime, etc.? The tradeoff may be worth it to you for a lucrative, fulfilling position, but you need to take it all into account. I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes.

I am a lawyer and I recently switched from a full-time, very demanding position to a part-time, much lower stress one. I don't really end up spending much more time with my kids, but I am able to keep the house in order, do errands, grocery shopping, etc. and those things make me feel in control of my life in a way that I didn't when I was constantly stressed and frazzled, and that makes me able to enjoy the time with the kids a lot more. But the new job is pretty boring and I mourn the loss of my independent, career-girl self. Since my old job didn't pay that much and wasn't a perfect fit, it wasn't that hard to leave, but if I was presented right now with a fabulous fulfilling full-time job that paid really well, I think I would probably take it. But I'm not sure.

I think you need to be honest with yourself about how much your interest in the new job is about the money. If that's the bulk of your motivation, it's probably not a good fit. But if you really think you are going to be fulfilled, challenged, and have fun with the new position, you may find a way to make it work.

Good luck! These issues are never easy.

[Anonymous]

You have to decide whether you want to mommy-track or not. If you want to try to get ahead, I would have a discussion as pp suggests ("I do have a family so most nights I would like to be able to get home in time to put my kids to bed. I would of course be willing to finish any remaining work from home after they were asleep, and I would be available by phone and email at all times. Does that sound workable?") It may be that after a couple of years at the new place, you'll be in a position to have more flexible hours or ask for a slightly reduced schedule. If your DH and MIL are willing to help out for the next few years, it may be worth it to you.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind things like your future 6 and 8 year old in school plays and other day time activities.

I would think (hope) that the potential new employer would be happy to work with you on these issues.

[Anonymous]

Having worked for a company going through an IPO, it was incredibly stressful and everyone worked crazy hours. But, most people did make a lot of money, myself included, and it enabled me to do things I'd never have been able to do had I stayed in my old job. So, you need to make sure that you know exactly what you're in for in terms of working hours, and that your support system is on board too. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

In this economy, you have to ask if you'd be willing to take the risk of starting with a new company. If there are lay-offs, you would be the first to go as a new employee.

How stable is DH's job? If he's fed or something like that, I would be more willing to take a risk with my job, if not, I would be more wary.

What about benefits? If one of you were to be unemployed, is the other able to provide health care?

[Anonymous]

I have passed up on some great work opportunities precisely because they don't offer the flexibility of my current job. I don't feel as challenged as I would like to be in my current job and I would love to make a change, but I have decided that the flexibility and built up capital in my job substantially outweigh my desire to pursue my dream job for now. My kids are almost 4 and 6 so I'm 2 years ahead of you, and I have found that the need for flexibility has become so much more important as my kids get older. I am able to volunteer and attend activities at their schools, take them to the doctor, and get great quality time with them in the evenings. And believe me, your kids start to notice when you are the only or one of a handful of parents who are not present for school functions. It's such a personal decision, but I always think about what would I regret more: turning down a job when there will undoubtedly be more opportunities in the future or missing that extra quality time with my kids during this finite period when they actually want to spend time with you. Best of luck in your decision.

[Anonymous]

Does the website promote "work life" balance? If they do than broadly ask, "what does that mean exactly?". Esp. after you have a firm offer. The HR person will tell you to take it up w/ Hiring Manager most likely and clear the air there, but use that as an opportunity for an open discussion.

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar position as you, though much lower salary. And I am bored out of my mind. I desperately want to leave and get my career (and salary - I took a big paycut) back on track, but I've had the 10-12 hour day positions before and wouldn't do it again, now that I have a daughter. So I can sympathize. My thought is that it can't hurt to ask the boss AND the coworkers if they think the position would be a good fit for someone with a family. The worst they can say is no, and you have your answer. If asking the question causes them to label you a potential slacker, then they would have the same attitude once you were actually doing the job. Better to find out now. Some of the other posters have had good suggestions on how to word it. Good luck! (and heads-up: if the position is a lot more money than you're making now, they might rightly expect a lot of hours out of you. Comes with the territory.)