Vent about parenting resources from therapists

[Anonymous]

If I get one more tip sheet from a therapist with tips like give choices, be consistent, remain calm.... I'm gonna lost my mind. I have done all the reading. All of it. I have tried all the methods. If they worked I wouldn't be here for help. The generic sheets are meaningless. Get to know my child and then talk to me about what would be helpful specifically for them. Not what I have been googling for years.

[Anonymous]

I assume you’ve been going to various therapists in office? That’s your first mistake. Try to find in home therapists, you’ll get much more relevant information when they know how you function at home as a family.

[Anonymous]

I feel you! Our best therapist gave us these, but as part of a very structured intervention where the key part was setting up a discipline plan and doing it.

[Anonymous]

Most “therapists” don’t have the training required to generate specific recommendations or address complex behaviors. Sounds like you need a Behavior Analyst, their job is to get to know your child and work through issues specific to the child with individualized goals. I’ve never once been handed a sheet for addressing something that wasn’t tailored to DC and written by BA. They observe at home and school and other places the behavior happens and after numerous assessments, meetings, and family input give very specific instructions. If something isn’t working they change it, if another issue arises we address it together.

[Anonymous]

I hear you! TBH, we have never gotten sheets like this from any therapist, but we also haven't gotten useful tips. We've been stuck in several situations where it felt like the therapist was just there for the kid and was not really helping in our parenting of the kid, which was frustrating.

I have very much gotten this same kind of advice, though, from many others, and it is always infuriating. Obviously, it works in some situations with some kids, but often not with the type of kids who end up in these therapy settings. We actually did a whole program where it was supposed to really help with this type of thing, and it felt pretty much like the same-old.

I also hate when I am reading a book with information that is spot-on, and then they end up with a few stock recommendations and something like, "If you're seeing more severe behavior issues, find a therapist to work with." Okay, like a therapist will just solve the problem like a quick painkiller pill that helps with your headache! Therapists aren't magic and won't make these things go away automatically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most “therapists” don’t have the training required to generate specific recommendations or address complex behaviors. Sounds like you need a Behavior Analyst, their job is to get to know your child and work through issues specific to the child with individualized goals. I’ve never once been handed a sheet for addressing something that wasn’t tailored to DC and written by BA. They observe at home and school and other places the behavior happens and after numerous assessments, meetings, and family input give very specific instructions. If something isn’t working they change it, if another issue arises we address it together.

This is fascinating. We've been looking for something like this and have never heard of a BA. Do you have recommendations on how to find one?

[Anonymous]

Some kids do not respond to consequences and incentives - things did not work for us (despite all the parent training, discipline plans, and specialists) until we tried something very different. Look into Ross Greene, the explosive child.

[Anonymous]

Yes, therapists, school counselors, etc. will just dump resources on you as if you haven't done research yourself already or as if you are not parenting correctly. Schools especially will throw more people at the problem who don't actually do much but stress the parents out more. So tired of "resources".

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I feel you. If one more person hands us a generic sheet of outdated, irrelevant resources saying, "there's a lot of good information here" I will cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most “therapists” don’t have the training required to generate specific recommendations or address complex behaviors. Sounds like you need a Behavior Analyst, their job is to get to know your child and work through issues specific to the child with individualized goals. I’ve never once been handed a sheet for addressing something that wasn’t tailored to DC and written by BA. They observe at home and school and other places the behavior happens and after numerous assessments, meetings, and family input give very specific instructions. If something isn’t working they change it, if another issue arises we address it together.

This is fascinating. We've been looking for something like this and have never heard of a BA. Do you have recommendations on how to find one?

https://www.bacb.com/

Search for BCBA

[Anonymous]

Something that has helped me on this journey, op, is to take what is useful to me or my child, and leave behind the rest. I mean if I was handed a sheet of stuff like that that doesn't apply to me or my child, I just toss it in the garbage can in the garage when I got home. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

[Anonymous]

OP we experienced this when trying out a new therapy practice. We passed on the therapist and asked the practice manager to return us to the practice's wait list, in the hopes of someone with more depth of experience. We ended up with a fantastic therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most “therapists” don’t have the training required to generate specific recommendations or address complex behaviors. Sounds like you need a Behavior Analyst, their job is to get to know your child and work through issues specific to the child with individualized goals. I’ve never once been handed a sheet for addressing something that wasn’t tailored to DC and written by BA. They observe at home and school and other places the behavior happens and after numerous assessments, meetings, and family input give very specific instructions. If something isn’t working they change it, if another issue arises we address it together.

This is fascinating. We've been looking for something like this and have never heard of a BA. Do you have recommendations on how to find one?

https://www.bacb.com/

Search for BCBA

We too have a BCBA. Fantastic support but this ABA which some parents have reservations towards.

[Anonymous]

I think it's problematic when you don't get to know the parents and kids beforehand and tailor it to their needs. Also, we have been at this for so many years. It can be insulting when you get a very basic and are supposed to somehow be grateful for this person assuming you haven't done all these things BEFORE trying therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's problematic when you don't get to know the parents and kids beforehand and tailor it to their needs. Also, we have been at this for so many years. It can be insulting when you get a very basic and are supposed to somehow be grateful for this person assuming you haven't done all these things BEFORE trying therapy.

I completely agree. We've had some fabulous therapists/service providers - the good ones took the time to get to know us a bit, see how we interact with DC, learn what we've done, what has/hasn't worked and what we're looking for. They then tailor the recommendations/suggestions. The not-so-good ones, well yeah, it's insulting and experience has shown they're not a good fit for us.