Marrying after 35

[Anonymous]

Did this happen for you? How has it turned out? Feels like there can be so much pressure to be married by a certain age, particularly no later than early 30’s.

[Anonymous]

I'm 38, I was the last of my friends to marry at 31. No one has gotten divorced (yet). No one still single has gotten married, but COVID did happen in between. My husband has one friend getting married this year at 40. My long ago ex might be getting married at 45 (I'll believe it when I see it!)

[Anonymous]

Yep. Married 3 weeks before my 40th birthday. Twenty years and 2 kids later, we’re going strong.

[Anonymous]

Does 34 count?

So far so good, 11 years and two awesome kids later.

[Anonymous]

It gets harder and harder to find someone to marry as you move past early 30s. I married at 38. Three kids but only due to expensive infertility treatments/options. Younger women today at least have the option of freezing eggs so as not to feel as pressured if wanting children.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends getting married and pregnant this year at 39 and 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does 34 count?

So far so good, 11 years and two awesome kids later.

PS Kids at 36 and 40, zero intervention although #2 took 6 months of trying (#1 was on the first try).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. Married 3 weeks before my 40th birthday. Twenty years and 2 kids later, we’re going strong.

we got married 3 weeks after DH's 39th birthday. 21 years, 2 kids later. I think we have a fairly strong marriage. We've certainly had our ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

You’re all too old to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did this happen for you? How has it turned out? Feels like there can be so much pressure to be married by a certain age, particularly no later than early 30’s.

I come from a conservative culture and parents from a much older generation (they are in their 80s/90s). In my culture at the time I was a young adult, women were expected to get married in their mid 20s, and by late 20s, you were bordering on being an old maid. I got married at 33. Didn't date anyone seriously until 30. Yes, my parents were in despair that I was an old maid, and I'd never get married.

My sisters did the expected thing and got married in their 20s. One is divorced, and the other is still married, but boy, did they have serious issues in their marriage. I think they were on the brink of divorce. Of course, all marriages have issues. Mine did, too, but we never hit a stage where the D word was on the table.

The one sister who is still married got married too young. Even she admits that. She didn't want to get married too early, but her husband wanted to get married. The other sister married the wrong man. We all knew it; even my parents knew it. They got divorced after like 3 years. Never remarried.

Moral of the story: don't get married unless you are ready and you meet the person you believe you can spend the rest of your life with. Don't do it because of your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re all too old to have kids.

Do you think only you have the right?

[Anonymous]

I met my husband here in DC when I was 34 and he was 36. We were engaged six months later and married five months later when I was 35 and he was 37. Because we had both been single for so long, and never married, we followed the advice to wait at least a year or two before even trying for kids so that we could be sure our marriage was on solid footing. That was great advice - we did a ton of travelling during those first two years. I had our first child - no interventions aside from reducing stress and drinking champagne - at age 39, then two years later had two miscarriages and at 43 I had my second child, also with thankfully no need for fertility treatments. I remember thinking, Thank God the pill really worked all those years! We are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year, and our eldest will graduate from college while our youngest is a HS junior. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re all too old to have kids.

Really? I was 41 and 44 when I had mine. No fertility intervention.

[Anonymous]

Met at 38/39, married at 40/41. We did have to use infertility treatments and eventually donor eggs. (But I think I started having fertility issues around 34).

But 13 years later, most of my friends who married in their mid-30’s are divorced or in horrible marriages. Several have admitted to overlooking things they should have paid more attention to. I don’t think at the time they got married, they realized how much having a kid factored into their marriage analysis. It was only in hindsight that they realized it.

So going through expensive fertility treatments sucked! And losing a genetic connection to my child was difficult. But now, it was all worth it. I have an extra incredible kid and a husband that is my most favorite person.