How to protect assets and separate if DH refuses?

[Anonymous]

If it helps, I do not live in VA.

I can no longer live in the same space as my DH. He refuses to talk about anything related to our relationship, including therapy or separation.

My only options seems to be to go on like this or to leave the house.

If I leave the house, what steps do I need to take to protect it as a shared asset, and to protect the other things that we share equally? I don’t understand if leaving the house will allow him to claim it. I’m also confused about how to handle even basic expenses of this event, including hiring my own lawyer and paying rent for an apartment. Will those expenses count against me or be considered joint expenses were we to divorce? If what I spend comes out of the split of an eventual settlement, I don’t want to lose $36k for a year of rent in this school district if he gets the house for the cost of his half of the much cheaper mortgage on our shared house, for example.

[Anonymous]

you should consult a lawyer. but no, you do not lose title to the house because you move out. it sounds like you are going to have to be the one to move out since he is not engaging. yeah it will cost money and possibly involve paying rent and the mortgage at the same time. you can discuss with your lawyer how best to handle setting up temporary custody and financial arrangements.

[Anonymous]

If you have your own savings/income, you'll pay your expenses out of that. He'll pay his expenses out of whatever income / savings he has. Assets will be split based on the value of the assets at the time of separation, not the value on the day you go to court. Document everything. Go ahead and hire a lawyer, he'll advise you.

[Anonymous]

I like how you say you don't live in VA rather than providing the obviously more helpful information regarding what state you do live in.

[Anonymous]

Yes if your spouse is in denial or thinks that stonewalling will quell a separation or divorce X you have to move out and serve him all docs at the same time- divorce filing, temp custody plan, temp child support plan X and have his lawyer call yours within 7 days.

Take a lot of pictures of the house and property before you move out. Since he is staying, any damage or neglect will need to be repaired or subtracted from his 50% share later.

You can absolute withdraw a lump sum of money into an account in your name in the same day. This amount will be subtracted from your 50% later. It is withdrawn in case he goes nuts and all your joint money disappears or goes overseas.

You can absolute arrange for all your banks and brokerage accounts to be frozen on the same day and split 50/50. That way no funny business with liquid assets from either of you. You will speak with their divorce department.

Your lawyer will prep you on all of the above.