No contact with separated spouse?

[Anonymous]

How much contact did you have with spouse after separation? I’m fine with no contact and just a couple words at kid exchange. Wondering how other people handled it and if it evolved over time.

[Anonymous]

I think it should be as little as possible.

Unfortunately when we separated we kept in contact, the kid stuff / scheduling took a lot more communication than we anticipated. Also my DH harassed me quite a bit over text and email (untreated mental health issues).

[Anonymous]

My ex and I separated just over six years ago and are just now, within the past six months, on genuinely friendly terms.

Initially, there was shock. Early on, he wanted to reconcile and made that clear, but it was a non-starter. Then it became hostile, and then it became too hostile for us to interact beyond the most basic communication necessary for our kids sake. From October of last year until this March we barely spoke at all, but then he extended an olive branch, we had the longest and the best conversation we’d had in 7/8 years, and now we are friendly. Since you asked.

It’s tough but so long as your ex isn’t a total psycho there is hope - if you’re interested - in having a functional relationship. It’s a tough time. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

We talk more now than when married. We never spoke while married. Now we have to daily due to 50/50 custody BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talk more now than when married. We never spoke while married. Now we have to daily due to 50/50 custody BS.

^^I’m the PP who said we had to communicate a lot more than I wanted to. This was a huge part of it, actually. Made me realize how a divorce would not really help unless we did parallel parenting. 50-50 is a lot of logistics (and we nested, so the kids weren’t even moving around). I think I’m more reluctant to divorce after the separation even though my eyes are open to all the deep issues in my partner just because of the sheer practical advantages of raising the kids in one house.

[Anonymous]

I tried to coparent with my very unreliable moody ex. I finally moved to parallel parenting as the kids got older. We have very little communication - maybe a few times a year by text or email. It's hugely freeing for me and the kids (who still see him - just without participation from me beyond the set times/days in our agreement).

[Anonymous]

We also nested during our separation so the kids stayed home. At first, we had a journal on the kitchen counter that we wrote important notes/reminders and only texted if necessary. We ended up reconciling.

[Anonymous]

As little as possible. While under the same roof we altered schedules for minimal overlap. Once I moved out with the kids, we defaulted to text only for logistics for kids. Sometimes get the odd "this came in the mail do you want me to forward it" texts but otherwise we decided that as little contact as possible was best. He was unfaithful and turned very cruel; it was best for me to cut as many ties as possible to him (other than having to coparent for a zillion more years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also nested during our separation so the kids stayed home. At first, we had a journal on the kitchen counter that we wrote important notes/reminders and only texted if necessary. We ended up reconciling.

Very early on but this is what we are doing. Legal pad on the kitchen island with notes for dad’s wknd (soccer games, bday parties, work expected in the house etc). Spouse will ask me questions and send pics of the kids when he has them. Otherwise we don’t talk at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We talk more now than when married. We never spoke while married. Now we have to daily due to 50/50 custody BS.

^^I’m the PP who said we had to communicate a lot more than I wanted to. This was a huge part of it, actually. Made me realize how a divorce would not really help unless we did parallel parenting. 50-50 is a lot of logistics (and we nested, so the kids weren’t even moving around). I think I’m more reluctant to divorce after the separation even though my eyes are open to all the deep issues in my partner just because of the sheer practical advantages of raising the kids in one house.

PP again.

Another factor is whether you intend to reconcile. We went into it intending to reconcile, which for better or worse meant that we did not tell family or friends about it and also committed to doing family outings and trips during the separation. We attended therapy also. The more joint activities you have, the more communication there will be.

If you are separated with no intention to reconcile then the kitchen counter notebook and very minimal texting seems best.

[Anonymous]

I remained friends with my ex. We either speak by phone or text. Now that the kids are in college we rarely talk.

[Anonymous]

We literally passed notes that had very few words on them, through our eldest child for months. We were so angry we could not speak.

[Anonymous]

Eight years out of my divorce, kids are adults now and away in college. Text with the ex maybe once a month related to shared expenses for the kids. Zero other contact unless it’s something strictly relating to the kids. Now he’s just somebody that I used to know.

[Anonymous]

Married 26 years separated for 9 months. Tried to communicate for our kids but the end of March we started spending more time together and after 2 weeks I really thought we would reconcile even our oldest son discussed it with me but was I wrong just like that he completely ghosted us except for sending money through one of those payment apps . I am confused and have no reason why he started acting like this. Any opinions or insight please

[Anonymous]

Separated for 6 months. We do not speak or text and rarely see each other in person, only bare bones communication via email relating to kids.