If you were the one who had to set boundaries, not the AC

[Anonymous]

Please elaborate regarding a situation where it was your adult child from whom you needed to establish boundaries from. How did it work out?

[Anonymous]

This is relatively minor, but my AC (who is and was otherwise stubbornly independent with regards to financial matters, academics, transportation, cooking, medical care & logistics) would call me or DH at least TWICE PER DAY when she was in college, usually because she wanted to talk to her then-toddler half sister. It got to be really annoying because toddler DD was good for about a 3 min phone conversation and then would hang up. Then AC would call back. I had to put a stop to it.

She also had a habit of oversharing in these phone calls.

[Anonymous]

It looks like the parents on this forum are unwilling to share dirt on their kids. I know I am. What a contrast to all the whiny ACs here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks like the parents on this forum are unwilling to share dirt on their kids. I know I am. What a contrast to all the whiny ACs here.

Where's your dirt that you claim to share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks like the parents on this forum are unwilling to share dirt on their kids. I know I am. What a contrast to all the whiny ACs here.

You must’ve missed the “if your kid is a dud” thread.

[Anonymous]

My college-age DD overshares sometimes. I had to set some boundaries around things I don't want to hear about, such as drinking, sex, parties, etc. I have told her that unless she gets into a situation where she needs help, I don't think it's healthy for me to know those kind of details. Do I need to know which frats have the best jello shots? No, no I do not. That's pretty minor and maybe not what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

There is mo harm in being their safe soundboard who doesn't judge or gossip, just comforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is mo harm in being their safe soundboard who doesn't judge or gossip, just comforts.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is relatively minor, but my AC (who is and was otherwise stubbornly independent with regards to financial matters, academics, transportation, cooking, medical care & logistics) would call me or DH at least TWICE PER DAY when she was in college, usually because she wanted to talk to her then-toddler half sister. It got to be really annoying because toddler DD was good for about a 3 min phone conversation and then would hang up. Then AC would call back. I had to put a stop to it.

She also had a habit of oversharing in these phone calls.

quelle horreur!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks like the parents on this forum are unwilling to share dirt on their kids. I know I am. What a contrast to all the whiny ACs here.

God, you’re boring. Yawn.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 50s and had trusted and was close to my mother growing up. In college, she acted quite judgemental and also basically said she didn't want to hear about those types of things. Honestly, it changed my relationship with her from then on and, as you can see, I have never forgotten the day she told me. I was embarrassed and surprised. She lost a ton of my trust that day. Just because you don't want to hear about those things, is it that hard to pretend to? And if she trusts you, you love her, she's doing okay, can't you just be a sounding board for her? Your college age students may still be looking for some parenting there, I can't believe you all would be so judgemental and not be there for them.

[Anonymous]

If your kids have good EQ, they'll know how much they should share with mom without overwhelming or stressing her out yet keeping her in the loop and getting her input when its needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s and had trusted and was close to my mother growing up. In college, she acted quite judgemental and also basically said she didn't want to hear about those types of things. Honestly, it changed my relationship with her from then on and, as you can see, I have never forgotten the day she told me. I was embarrassed and surprised. She lost a ton of my trust that day. Just because you don't want to hear about those things, is it that hard to pretend to? And if she trusts you, you love her, she's doing okay, can't you just be a sounding board for her? Your college age students may still be looking for some parenting there, I can't believe you all would be so judgemental and not be there for them.

Wow, so she put up some boundaries (like a healthy mother daughter relationship) and you faulted her? This reflects more poorly in you than her.
There are many things you should be embarrassed to tell your mom about, that’s what girlfriends are for. Find some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It looks like the parents on this forum are unwilling to share dirt on their kids. I know I am. What a contrast to all the whiny ACs here.

God, you’re boring. Yawn.

Hit a nerve?

[Anonymous]

My YA daughter is pretty self sufficient except when she needs to deal with doctors. She doesn't have any chronic issues, just occasional stuff/ check ups. So, I've tried to be helpful, recommend the ones I've been going to, sometimes make an appointment. The problem was that she would inevitably complain about the office, the doctor's jokes, and how she doesn't want to go there ever again, and where do I find these people? I finally told her that she is an adult and on her own with regards to dealing with doctors. She still tries to get me involved, but since I know how it's going to end, I decline.