Grandparents want to be invited to everything

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

How do they know about stuff if you/DH/kids aren’t telling them about it?

When they whine, redirect. “We’re going to X Event as a family, but if you’d like to see us, we’d be happy to have you over for pizza on Date.”

If they whine about that, tell them point blank if they want special time with the kids, you need help on Date A or Date B. If they balk, just keep repeating that if they want to see kids, those are good dates.

[Anonymous]

I flat out told my mom that if she wanted to be invited to nuclear family things (like school programs) that we needed more help. Quid pro quo. Parents can act like they're so put out to help out a few times, but then at the same time they don't realize at all how much more work it is to host them.

I learned my lesson when I baptized my first child at 6 weeks. I invited grandparents and godparents, but then the hoards descended on me. I had dozens who wanted to stay with me. Instead of taking 6 extra people to a nice luncheon like I planned, I was hosting a meal for 40 at my house (I couldn't afford a lunch out for that many and the restaurant wanted you to rent the room).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do they know about stuff if you/DH/kids aren’t telling them about it?

When they whine, redirect. “We’re going to X Event as a family, but if you’d like to see us, we’d be happy to have you over for pizza on Date.”

If they whine about that, tell them point blank if they want special time with the kids, you need help on Date A or Date B. If they balk, just keep repeating that if they want to see kids, those are good dates.

Op here. DC mentioned this one in conversation. We do mention it to them as part of saying what’s going on in our lives or what we’ve been up to recently. I don’t think I should go out of my way to hide it?

I just think it’s interesting/odd that this generation of grandparents wants to be invited to everything. I can’t imagine in a million years my grandma being upset about not coming to a school program when I was a kid. And I saw my grandma a ton, usually because she was helping my parents out.

[Anonymous]

OP let them be mad. Let go f trying to appease and please nasty, old , pushy people.

Your response…we don’t plan on making school activities larger extended family events.

[Anonymous]

My parents are the same way with wanting to come to everything so I get it. I would pick a few big things and tell them to put those dates on their calendars. There are usually a ton of events in ES so they won't want to come to all of them. But just being invited to a few key things might do the trick.

You can also use COVID as an excuse--tell them that only parents are invited. If they will buy that.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t they go to the event and then go home? You don’t have to host.

[Anonymous]

I would be supremely unconcerned that any grandparents were having a fit over this. What nonsense - your child will have several events every year until 12th grade! As the parent of a high school senior, let me tell you... they get old very fast

Invite them to ones you'll think they'll like once or twice a year, and you're good.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe people who whine about having grandparents that WANT to attend child events. That’s way different than babysitting for you and they shouldn’t have to provide free childcare in order to be invited to things. You are being selfish. How does it hurt you in any way to invite them to your kid’s activities if they want to come??

[Anonymous]

This topic is posted all the time.

[Anonymous]

The kids grandparents live across the country. When they come visit they stay 2-3 weeks and come to everything with the kids that I go to. One time my MIL even came to parent-teacher conferences. They come to parent observation day at ballet, school concerts and plays, etc. But, they're great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

[Anonymous]

My parents occasionally come but it's more for their getting attention. They have never ever helped us once even in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

oh, you've got to figure out a way to make this your husband's problem because it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I flat out told my mom that if she wanted to be invited to nuclear family things (like school programs) that we needed more help. Quid pro quo. Parents can act like they're so put out to help out a few times, but then at the same time they don't realize at all how much more work it is to host them.

I learned my lesson when I baptized my first child at 6 weeks. I invited grandparents and godparents, but then the hoards descended on me. I had dozens who wanted to stay with me. Instead of taking 6 extra people to a nice luncheon like I planned, I was hosting a meal for 40 at my house (I couldn't afford a lunch out for that many and the restaurant wanted you to rent the room).

My parents did that to our wedding. We wanted 15 people max and couldn't afford much. They were not offering to help so immediate family and a few close friends only. They ended up inviting 25-30 of their friends, many I didn't know but at least they ended up paying for some of it. It was uncomfortable as I had 2 friends come and that was it.