How to tell older people you don’t want gory medical details?

[Anonymous]

I need help phrasing this. I’m happy for them to alert us to their overall health issues but I don’t want the gory details of every issue or procedure of them or their friends. I get nauseated and light headed just hearing about some of it. I thought I might pass out when MIL was recently explaining a skin procedure she was having. Same thing when they were talking about how her 95 year old aunt died (like the medical specifics of her last few days.) I just can’t handle and don’t want this level of detail. I’m not disinterested in the people or the update, just not the gross details.

How to say this politely?

[Anonymous]

Good lock OP!

[Anonymous]

Same. My dad has gone through very painful, private health issues but my mom tells everyone and anyone all the gory details, and it’s humiliating for him. If I ask her to say less, she says I don’t care. I have said over and over that I don’t do well with medical stuff but it never stops. Hoping you’ll get some good advice here. I can only empathize with this dilemma.

[Anonymous]

I would pretend to be squeamish. But honestly it's like new parents telling poop and barf stories, they do it to bond.

[Anonymous]

Well, I find it useful in some measure in case it happens to me, but for other things, I claim a prior appointment and hang up, or if I'm stuck at their house, I desperately try to change the subject.

[Anonymous]

‘TMI Phyllis’

[Anonymous]

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop you there or excuse myself to another room. Please continue to tell me how you're feeling since I care about you and definitely want to know about your health, but I've found that I have trouble stomaching medical details. Good thing I never wanted to be a doctor or nurse. I couldn't handle it but I admire them so much and am glad you have a good care team.

[Anonymous]

"Jan, I'm going to need to stop you there. I just can't bear to hear what you went through! I'm so glad that that's over and that we can sit here having a nice visit. I love that cheese ball you made. What's on the outside?"

[Anonymous]

“I’m sorry to hear about your health troubles, and I want the big-picture updates, but I’m squeamish and I cannot handle medical details. Thank you for understanding that I want the big updates but not the details.”

[Anonymous]

I see some great tips here.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya, OP. And part of this is that older people typically do not have as many other social outlets and spend lots of time going to doctors. Essentially, they stop working and then fill lots of that time with medical visits.

What I do when it gets overwhelming is change the subject once it gets to be too much. I'll talk about the weather, a TV show, sporting event, travel - anything to change the topic. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Excuse yourself to the next room. Tell them to call you back after they've finished with the details. You can say that you want to hear the news, but not the medical details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse yourself to the next room. Tell them to call you back after they've finished with the details. You can say that you want to hear the news, but not the medical details.

This.

Or . . . make up a story and have it ready with the most hideous, projectile vomit inducing, scar you for life, gross stuff you could possibly imagine, and as soon as they get started interrupt them with “You think that’s bad? I know this guy who . . ..”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need help phrasing this. I’m happy for them to alert us to their overall health issues but I don’t want the gory details of every issue or procedure of them or their friends. I get nauseated and light headed just hearing about some of it. I thought I might pass out when MIL was recently explaining a skin procedure she was having. Same thing when they were talking about how her 95 year old aunt died (like the medical specifics of her last few days.) I just can’t handle and don’t want this level of detail. I’m not disinterested in the people or the update, just not the gross details.

How to say this politely?

Just . . . say it? "Hey, mom, I am just going to stop you. I don't really want to hear all the details." Then if she doesn't stop, leave, walk away, etc. For the other person whose mom "Doesn't care" about disclosing her DH's medical information, I'd add "It's really not ok for you to be telling other people about someone's medical condition/diagnosis/details if they don't want you to do so. And he doesn't. It's embarrassing for him and you need to stop."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pretend to be squeamish. But honestly it's like new parents telling poop and barf stories, they do it to bond.

She doesn’t need to pretend to be squeamish. She is squeamish! Tell them so, OP. Tell them you are sorry and you very much want to hear about the well-being of all these people but that unfortunately you are unable to hear the details because you get lightheaded, etc.