Is your family happy for you?

[Anonymous]

Are your extended family member (siblings, aunts/uncles etc) supportive in that they congratulate you for achievements? Do you do the same? Are you generally a supportive family that cheers each other on, or are your family members unhappy or indifferent about you?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are more "cheerers" than not. His family is pretty good about it - he has one sister who is not ever generous with the kind words, but we don't expect any. Same with one of my sisters.

[Anonymous]

My family is supportive. Feel bad for my wife though. Her narcissistic mother can never be happy for her, always has to undermine any and every good thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think so but I also don't care.

[Anonymous]

Yes both my family and my husband’s are very supportive and we are excited for each other when good things happen. His sister can be a little jealous when her siblings’ kids accomplish things but she is still good about it. She is the only girl in their lineup and used to be the apple of her parents eye.

[Anonymous]

My family is- DH's family is not.
We took an anniversary trip to Rome. DH's sister went to Rome once in grad school and has always longed to return.
When we told MIL we were going away for our anniversary, her response was "How could you do that to DH's sister? You know how much she loves Rome. Maybe you could go somewhere else until she is able to return to Rome."

If I knew this family was like this, I never would have married DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is supportive. Feel bad for my wife though. Her narcissistic mother can never be happy for her, always has to undermine any and every good thing.

+1

PP here. MIL same. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is- DH's family is not.
We took an anniversary trip to Rome. DH's sister went to Rome once in grad school and has always longed to return.
When we told MIL we were going away for our anniversary, her response was "How could you do that to DH's sister? You know how much she loves Rome. Maybe you could go somewhere else until she is able to return to Rome."

If I knew this family was like this, I never would have married DH.

Wow, this is really absurd. How do you deal with them?

[Anonymous]

I don't brag about achievements so they rarely know about them. My husband knows and he's always happy for me. Sometimes he'll mention them to his parents and they are always happy for me too.

[Anonymous]

No. My family has a lot of dysfunction and trauma and their default responses to anyone doing anything is sarcasm and criticism. When I was younger I didn't even notice it because I'd grown up with it (and did it myself), but as I got more distance from them and also saw what supportive families look like up close, I realized how toxic it is. When I told my mom I was getting married, she said "Ok well we'll try to make it but your sister probably can't come." Like that was her first reaction. When I got pregnant, my mom and my sister were openly hostile about it and my dad was critical because he didn't feel like we could afford it (we've never asked for money).

If I have one goal with my chosen family of my DH and child, it's that we cheer each other on and are supportive. If you don't get that from your family it's hard to get it at all, and I know from experience that it's very hard to go through life feeling like no one has your back.

[Anonymous]

The ones we maintain relationships with are supportive and happy for our good fortune. The toxic ones try to undermine and rain on our parade, so we don’t really keep them in the loop. Telling them good news feels bad, and I don’t want to do that to myself.

[Anonymous]

No, and I didn't really mind or care or really even know to expect that kind of thing. I was happy if they left me alone to do my thing. I didn't want their attention as most of their attention was pretty negative, critical, anxiety-ridden and controlling.

I have friends who are supportive. I had to teach my husband to be supportive (he used to be condescending, and artful with backhanded compliments) and he has gotten better. I think I am supportive of my children. It frustrates me when our children are unsupportive of each other and us, but they are still learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is- DH's family is not.
We took an anniversary trip to Rome. DH's sister went to Rome once in grad school and has always longed to return.
When we told MIL we were going away for our anniversary, her response was "How could you do that to DH's sister? You know how much she loves Rome. Maybe you could go somewhere else until she is able to return to Rome."

If I knew this family was like this, I never would have married DH.

Wow, this is really absurd. How do you deal with them?

I refused to take it anymore one day last year and told one SIL exactly how absurd I i thought they were and to stop defending indefensible behavior. I remain civil and polite with her for appearances but she has zero clue that I was done with her and the rest of the family as of then.

I suppose you can say I have quiet quit. If DH wants to travel to see them for events, he can go. I stay home.

[Anonymous]

My family is very proud of me/happy for me. However, they were more proud when I worked from home for six years for an international company. This was pre-pandemic, and working from home amazed them. I think they were a bit disappointed when I went back to an office, even though it was at a very high position and salary. It doesn't sound as impressive as "international", and making my own hours. Plus it means I can't travel to their mid-west town and stay for extended periods of time like I could before.

[Anonymous]

No, but my husband is and my friends are and my kids are. I come from a lot of dysfunction. So does DH. We worked hard to form a healthier system.